new symptoms off meds

first off id like to say i hate everything. I stopped taking meds and now i cant move my fucking arm cause of a stress related disorder.I couldnt walk earlier and now this. I dont know why i stopped taking it it just happened. But for some reason ive gone between super happy then super pissed and now depressed and wanting to die. No im not bipolar. Im psychotic but not schizophrenic. And Im terribly alone ive never been more alone. My two main emotions are alone and pissed off. But i have to keep cool only my close friend knows whats going on with me. I see my therapist on thursday way to long since i havent seen her in two weeks since she went on vacation. before al this i tried to kill myself three times. The one time i went to the er for it the nurse asked me why did i come. Im a regular for overdose or poisioning at the er they dont care they think i do it for atenttion. Maybe a small part of thats true but i mainly get scared after ive done something and think what if i do die this time? then i get dissapointed when i dont die and find out it wasnt going to kill me afterall thats when i get pissed and start acting like a psycho *****. But i know i need a new course of action going to that particular er opens me up for a lot of abuse. They threatened to throw a my stuff out if i left that was after they told me theyd kick me out of the er if i acted up. They wouldnt let me go to the bathroom so i almost peed on myself another time they gave me haldol which im not supposed to have cause im allergic. I started feeling a lot of pain after they gave it to me i was in restraints and that made the pain worse. The nurse had said shed et me out after a bit but she never came back instead i got a new nurse and by that time she came and my mom came it took three different meds to stop the pain. this recent time i sat on the hospital floor and the security gaurd stepped on my foot with his boot twice. Im not innocent i cause a lot of problems for the er because im pretty fucking psycho. In short that means i havent come up with an answer for my behavior myself i just tend to be less verbal and more physical. Ive tried reaching out to online support groups but lately ive felt ignored by those support sites and so im here to vent even if no one cares oddly enough i dont feel like dying although that may be just because i havent been off meds long enough. But the one nice thing about this horrible situation is that when i get happy im extremely happy like ive never been and thats nice