An intro – seems like so many days run togethor

This is first time I have ever posted on web about suicide, this is actually pretty cool. I will not go into all my problems, just to the point where as so many other times in my life, I question why am I living? I have lost really great jobs, decent marraige, etc. and now I feel alone. I also like many others here have seen countless therapists, doctors, been diagnosed with two different things by several doctors, bottom line – I am miserable, I hate where my life is, unfortunately I do not have the balls to commit suicide. I prayed even today several times, asking God why not just me, but so many others must suffer in life. I know suicide in a permanent solution to a temporary problem, my step-mom killed herself. I have tried 2 or 3 times in my life, finally realize I do want to die, but in reality I just want to escape the pain. My opinion only, if you have a mental-illness, no insurance, it is nearly impossible to attempt to get help. I finally realize now that I can no longer work due to my mental illness, but the way the system is setup, I will have to live in shelters or half-way houses for 2 years while I attempt to get disability, I worked 25 years and put alot into SS, again bottom line, I am miserable todaqy, I feel abandoned by my friends (none really), family, just about everyone. So, this is the pain I speak of, I cannot drink alcohol or take drugs, as I am in recovery (but I am talking about suicide??) – I know it is all crazy, I just want the pain to stop. Another week and half to attempt to get rent paid, if not then I will be on the streets, and that’s why I feel so trapped. Why, why do people have to suffer so much in life, I know others endure much more than me, but I am at a breaking point, If I had the balls, I would jump from a bridge, or jump into a river, but I cannot do it. Please give me ideas on how to cope?? thanks