i hope the blood pours out.

out of all fucking people, why did i have to fall inlove with my best friend?! we used to have a “thing” she used to like me. but she said she doesnt wanna lose our friendship because im her best friend. everyone i know can just tell im in love with her. and i hate admitting. i told her once when i went out of the city for a week and i told her i said that cos i missed her so much. i always look her in the eyes and say im not in love with her, but in realaty i think she is the most beautiful, most amazing person to walk on this earth. she makes me love her even more everytime i see her cute ass… i try not talking to her, but when i dont i get so sad. she broke my heart and fucked with my head and i love her… i have to be fucked in the head. knowing she is with someone else breaks my heart more and more everyday. or the fact that her bf became her best friend kills me. i want her. noone will love that girl like i ever would. she is the first thing i think about when i wake up and when i go to sleep, shes the last.

all i want is too be happy. someone to actualy love me back, would be wonderful. i want my mom to understand its so hard to talk about my feelings to her because she was part of the reason i started cutting. cutting is all i have. and my pain killer addiction..

im killing everyone around me with my issues. im better off dead.