I’m 18/male. Pretty much everything is fucked up in my life. Well maybe its not so terrible for others, but for me, its hell.
My parents got divorced when I was 2. A few years later, my mother got married to another man. Later on i realized he’s a dick. When my sister went to high school we were very poor. I can remember that i was sad because she couldnt hang out with other girls just because we were so poor. when she was 18 (i was 12), she got married, i think she couldnt take longer that our mom was an alcoholic. She started drinking when i was 11, and when my sister got married and pregnant, she went on a rehab. But i think there’s no need to say what kind of arguments and crying and sadness… was in our house for that one year. Actually i never felt being loved. I knew/know my mother loves me, but i just feel like im loved. Mom and that dick got divorced 4 years ago. My sister moved to another town with her husband. Mom and i went to a city where i was in high school (about 120km away from where we were living). I was always socially awkward, but actually i think i am an attractive guy (well girls liked me until i wasnt so depressed and anxious and well socially awkward) and i am smart i can say (i had always As and Bs). Yes, i have depression. Just one more thing about my mom. She’s working very hard, she’s very kind, trying to help me, but she irritates me very often. I wont say bad things and I’ll stay calm, i just feel bad for even having those thoughts. She did so much for me, and i even feel bad if i get a C (not to mention F) but most of the times its very(!) hard for me to concentrate, sometimes i just simply cant no matter what i do and i feel really bad when i see that my mother is sad. But it’s not a simple sadness, i feel like its the end of the world, and i feel like that even if i make the smallest mistake. There was things i used to like doing, now i just cant do them. I cant do anything productive. And on the top of that, my girlfriend broke up with me a month ago, because she wanted to be alone. We were together for 3 years. I tried my best to be the best boyfriend, i really love(d) her, but there’s nothing to do now. I try to move on, but it seems impossible. This was the first time i really felt being loved. It’s tough without her. So shortly: I never felt being loved until my ex came, then she left me. I feel sadness almost all the time, i’m very anxious, i have depression, we are poor, I feel low when i’m talking with my mom because i know how hard is for her. My dad is an alcoholic probably, havent seen him for months now. Havent seen my sister for months too. I have no close friends. I have fears about my future, i have always negative thoughts actually… It’s pretty tough living like this, and havent told everything about my life, but i think this is enough to understand.
This post is pretty long, so thank you for reading. I just had to write it down, i dont know what else to do since i dont have the money to go to a psychologist, and sorry for my english.