I dont even know where to start my first and only love of 14 years, dropped a bombshell 4 weeks ago that he had been cheatin on me for six months and was leaving me and the two kids. I feel betrayed, lonely, hurt and empty. He was my best friend and we were planning our lives together and he just left and i dont understand why I wasnt enough and how he could just stop loving me after all these years. I know i sound weak and moany and should just pull myself togetrher because people are goin through worse but i just cant. I dont sleep, eat and im being a terrible mom i havent wanted to get out of bed or spend time with my children i just cry all the time and think of the two of them happy together constantly. I dont really have any friends or social life as everything i am was devoted to him and my kids. I have planned how to do it but the last piece of sense in me tells me to cry for help it just seems no one will listen or i become a burden and no one wants to be around someone whose always upset. im selfish for being like this i have been trying, i just want to feel ok again but its just too much. I dont know how to carry on please help.
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You’re not being weak. You’d be out of your mind if you weren’t devastated about your loss. I’m sorry for what you are going through. 14 years is a lot to lose. There are wimps like me who were only in a 2 year relationship and got dumped and are still depressed about it over a year later. You absolutely have the right to feel horrible over losing a partner of 14 years. You only found out 4 weeks ago. You should try to find a therapist or counselor to talk to, trying to deal with these things can be extremely difficult and you can end up stuck at rock bottom with no way out if you don’t find someone to talk to about it. Please just work through it and stick around for your kids though, they didn’t do anything wrong and you shouldn’t give up and leave them behind.
Hi Trixy-
Im so sorry you are going through this. Especially around the holidays. He sounds like a selfish prick. Is he making any effort to even see the children? I think you could def benefit from having a therapist to talk to. Sometimes its easier to unload on strangers than family/friends. I know you may not feel it right now but you are STRONG and you Will pull through and be there for your kids when they need you. Don’t let him pull you down and destroy your life. He may have taken a piece of your heart with him when he left but don’t let him take your life. You Will get through this and come out on top.
And as far as him being happy relationships started through some form of infidelity rarely ever work out. They will have trust issues, higher risk for cheating and lots of other obstacles. I highly doubt they will make it another 6months.
Hi. Well, i wont be very helpful maybe, but, even though you were deeply in love and devoted to him, you have to accept you anger, he abandoned you! Hate him, find your courage and stand up for your kids, start to have new illusions, smile to another man, be brave. It isn’t easy, and it is normal to pass through all of this. You gotta enjoy your tears as you enjoy your laughs. Then, as the joke wont make you laugh many times repeatedly the sad thing now wont make you cry constantly further. The best revenge is to be better now he is gone. He doesn’t deserve your tears, he was cold to do that! I wish i could be with you and hang out a night and drink a lot curse and stuff! A few nights like this, you eventualy could find the ONE. Just because you had kids with him and spent 14 years with him meas you lost your one, it might mean that you lost plenty of time with the wrong one. Please stick up with your kids love they need you! The harm you may do ti them could drive then later here, where i am! Wanting to commit suicide cause my mother couldn’t think other than my dad leaving us with a girl one year younger than my older brother!…. Do you want them to get mentaly sick?… Please do it for your kids! I beg you!
Hush, darling. He seriously didn’t deserve you, okay? Goddammit, do NOT put your children anything I went through. Depression, instability, mood disorders, they don’t need it. I interpret that you’re trying and that’s all I could ever wish for, but try harder and have hope. Do you think he’s thinking about you or having sex with some dumb ass with lower qualities and attributes than you? We all wish it’s the first one and that they’ll come back, but something like that doesn’t just disappear. Lovers with be harder to find, but not impossible. Don’t be a hopeless-case and be there for you children because so much could happen in such little time. They could die or you could and that could cause horrible mental issues for either one you. You don’t want that and neither would they. Appreciate their existence and realize that things will get better and it’s not the end of the world. Seeming isn’t always reality.
Just…do everything you can for them and be the best mom you can. Think of it as making up for all the the mothers absences to their children. Be their hero, okay?