hello.
i’m 17, suicidal, and very confused.
I’ve wanted to die for a long time. for many reasons. but the things stopping me have always been the friends who i owe the little sanity i have now, and the hope that i might actually be able to enjoy life at some, more independent point.
Personally i dont understand what family is supposed to be. i don’t understand the love some people have for their families. is that strange? i just. i don’t feel it. my younger brother is the only one that i feel protective of.
however i love my friends with everything i have. they are amazing and nothing will stop me if they ever ask for help. but i have one friend, who needs me a significant amount of the time, and i’m aware the relationship we have is probably not healthy for either of us, but i cant not be there for her. but it drains me. sometimes i just cant handle it because she takes so much out of me emotionally that i cant do anything.
i want to help her. but its getting to the point where sometimes i hate her because she kills me so much and i really don’t want to feel that way about her, because she does mean so much to me. and i do want to help her.
it hurts, because at times, when she does get really bad, she becomes mean. shes said the most horrible things to me before, that have made me doubt other people, and its not fair to them.
i don’t know what to do. i just want to get out and leave the situations i’m in.
and finally, after 2 or 3 years of asking, my mother is finally taking me to see someone. and i’m not sure ill last out till the appointment.
3 comments
17 is pretty young and unfortunately it’s usually not until later in life that you realize you have nothing to lose by just being honest with people and that it isn’t worth trying to bottle up your feelings just to protect other people. So it might be hard for you to figure this out since you’re still young and we are very wrapped up in our social lives and what our friends think of us, but honestly you just need to get to the point that you say and do what is best for you. That might sound selfish, but that’s really how you be a good friend to other people, you have to take care of yourself first and not spread yourself too thin.
So the point I’m getting at, with this friend of yours who drains you and is too needy, and sometimes even says really mean things to you when they don’t get what they want from you, it’s best to just tell the truth and give them a reality check about how they make you feel. Being honest does not mean that you have to be mean about it. You don’t have to hurt the person’s feelings. All you have to do is tell them how they overwhelm you sometimes and you want to be a good friend to them but you have to take care of yourself as well. Tell them you are willing to remain friends if they will meet you at some middle ground and make some adjustments to your friendship, or if they are unwilling to do that then unfortunately you have to let them know that you feel it would be best to go your separate ways for now.
Sometimes it can seem really scary to tell people the honest truth, but the first time you find the guts to really just tell someone how you feel, you’ll immediately notice how awesome it feels, it’s a very freeing and exciting feeling to know that you just told somebody the absolute truth, you didn’t try to lie or sugar coat anything, and now it’s up to the other person to decide what to do with the information you just gave them.
If you find it hard to talk to people out loud it is also really easy to write a letter and give it to someone, that way you don’t have to worry about them interrupting you or leading the conversation somewhere you didn’t want it to go. You could write your friend a letter and be nice about it but just tell them you are worried that if things don’t change that you might end up not being friends at all, and that if she is really your friend she will understand how you are feeling and she will want to make some adjustments to make this friendship enjoyable for the both of you.
If you try to be honest with her and she doesn’t agree with you and only cares about what she wants, then you’ll know that this person isn’t a real friend anyway and you can save your time by not dealing with them anymore.
When you tell the truth, the situation kind of solves itself, that’s what’s awesome about it. Your friend will either understand and want to work with you to make things better, or they will react like a jerk and not care about how you feel, and then you’re free to accept that this friendship just needs to end. Either way, you will have your answer, and you can move forward, without having to bottle anything up and keep it to yourself.
It feels good to just communicate the truth with other people. It might even surprise them but many times they will be glad that you told them the truth.
ive tried talking to her about it before, i have. but thats why its hard. because of who she is, her mental illness, how she thinks. i cant betray her trust or let her down because i am the only one that she trusts as much as she trusts me.
its hard being the most trusted, it pressuring. i feel like i cant falter or ill lose everything.
i cant let her down. and i know she would never let me down. she is always there for me as well.
You should tell her how you feel. It’s not fair on you, having to deal with someone elses problems when you have your own. I know it sounds selfish but you need to try to fix yourself first, then once your better, you can try to help or be supportive of your friend.
It will just be damaging to both of you, if you both carry on like this.