I got kicked out of my moms house a year ago, and the day since my life hasn’t been the same. I’ve been out for a year now because I called her a ***** because she was being one. That’s it…kicked out for over a year for saying “stop being a ***** for 2 minutes”. I moved in with my grandma (worst fucking decision I could ever make). Day after day of being out in the country away from my friends and family, it hasn’t been the same. I lost all of my friends, and since she’s 5 miles away its a hassel going to the city everyday. I’ve been depressed and I can’t get a job because of it, I even stopped contacting my dad because things have been so hard on me mentally it’s just fucking rediculous. I don’t see my brother anymore and nothing feels real to me anymore….especially lately. My mom says I can move back when I get a job, but I literally don’t have the strength to do it. When I’m at my moms, it’s like all that disappears instantly and Im on top of the world. If I could move back in first I could definatly get a job and life would be awesome again. It’s so lonely out here away from everything and being stuck with my annoying Grandma. I seriously should just end it, I fucked up. I raged at her 10 minutes ago because she says my name, gives me 1 second to answer before she keeps saying my name. She clearly was watching me pick up a newspaper off the ground and was like “Tyler what is that *1 second* Tyler, Tyler what is that.” It’s fucking rediculously annoying. I told her to “Fucking use your eyes, your 3 feet away from what I’m doing”. I’ve had enough, maybe I will end it, what’s the point. I can’t sleep anymore, I hardly dream anymore, don’t see my family what so ever and I fuck everything up. I’m done….maybe I’ll see you guys in a different life
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Also, my stepdad who was in my life for 13 years (im 19) divorced my mom and didn’t even say Goodbye to me, since I was at my grandma’s. 13 years in my life, gone…. and when I try sleeping, the thought at how different and infinitly shitty my life is now compared to then doesn’t leave my head, and I start thinking of stuff I can’t control. random stuff that has nothing to do with my situation at all goes through my head and won’t stop unless I completely focus. Example, when I tried napping an hour ago weird spongebob shit kept going through my head, and I raged and had to force myself from fucking my room up.
Yo, Poundcake I think I know what’s up. Speaking from my experience with being “clinically” depressed, IF your mom and anyone tell you that you take too long to answer, it’s because of your depression. Your mind is so preoccupied with one too many things that even something that takes a heartbeat to do… is actually taking you like two minutes. Depression does that to your perception, P. I had it proven to me, and I was more shocked at my condition than pissed at anyone.
Don’t lose hope or your cool, man… Look for a local clinic or a YWCA or a new agey place you can get to for help. They may point to someone you can talk to without it co$ting you a dime. I wish and hope you do well and feel better so you can just do your thing. You can find me in the SP Chat sometimes.
Peace.