My name is faith and I haven’t told anybody about my real story I’m not sure if i know it very well myself, anyways it all began when I was the happiest little girl you would have ever met. My best friend was my dog Zena she was always there to listen and she was always by my side to protect me she actually saved my life a couple of times. And then she became sick where she needed to take pills for medicine and everything was fine until one day where I knew something didnt feel right the morning of a school day but I thought nothing of it so before I left I saw her looking at me with her big eyes and I said to her I love you I will see you tonight and I left for school when I came home that day I couldn’t find her so I called her name. She didn’t come so I thought maybe my parents took her for a walk or something and when they got home they told me that they had put my dog down while I was at school. After that I wasn’t the same little happy girl I became sad but I didn’t tell anyone about it, gradually over the years the sadness was built up but I didn’t recognize it. Then ever thing just got worse I hated my life I didn’t want to be around people and I always stayed in my room. Then it got to the point where I started cutting myself to make the pain go away and it worked for that little while. Everyone around me was either in a relationship or soon going to be in one and I was there all alone and felt like I wasn’t good enough and didnt deserve anyone. I believed that nobody would ever like me and I would ever get to experience what it would be like to have a boyfriend and have someone love me. I always felt like this and I don’t know what to do so I finally came to the point where I wanted to end my life, so I went into the kitchen grabbed a kitchen knife and was 2 seconds away from stabbing myself. The only thing that stopped me was my mom had just walked I to the house and would’ve seen everything. My friends suspected something was going on and so I talked about it with they saved my life a couple of times too, I still have suicidal thoughts and still cut my family doesn’t know anything and my mom and I fight a lot and she is one of the the reasons that I hate my life and want to kill myself  I want to end my pain and just end it all and die. people don’t know this but behind every smile is a story that nobody would ever understand and just because someone is breathing it doesn’t mean they are actually alive.
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11 comments
Wow. I just cried a couple tears. First off, I’m very sorry to hear about your dog. I too had a connection with my dog that was better than any other person. I don’t think anyone will ever understand what it feels like to have that taken from you. I understand the situation with couples. I feel the same way. Everyone if perfect but me. Honestly, I look in the mirror and I see a monster. I’m the exact same way it’s scary. I laugh and smile at school but at home I cry and cut. The thing is, if you smile at school people will assume your always that way and will try to tear you down because they think you can handle it. Honestly, people are stupid. I wouldn’t worry about relashionships I’ve never been in one because I’m too shy to ask a girl out but they aren’t as perfect as you think. You will become something great though. I can GURANTEE you. I don’t care who you are, what you look like, what your past is and how smart you are. I pray for you, and I want you to know that any guy would be lucky to have you because you aren’t the average spoiled brat that exists in this world today. I wish you luck my friend and just know, you are not alone
What kind of dog was Zena? I have a yellow lab and she is the most faithful dog I could ever own (and probably the worst smelling lol). How old are you? I am 31 and rarely ever get gf’s. So I understand your lonliness and desire for love. Older women say they cannot understand why I am single, blah blah blah. But all the ones in their 20’s and 30’s who I could date think I am a freak and hideous (i am pretty sure). I cannot understand the cutting thing, but I do understand your pain. I hope to hear more from you
Thanks for your comment it means a lot to me that you actually care and you don’t know me. 🙂 Zena was a black lab part pitbull and she was the most friendly loyal protective dog I’ve ever known she literally would’ve died to save my life that’s how amazing she was she had black fur with brown paws and a little white tuff of fur on her Chest she had big orange eyes and even when you were feeling sad she could cheer you up I loved her very much and when my parents put her Down I cried everyday and didnt go to school for 2 weeks so again I thank you for the comment it means a lot to me knowing that people who don’t even know me care ~faith
I feel the same, about the love thing :/ It’s good you have your friends though 🙂 I think the first thing you should do is get help. Go to a counsellor, tell your parents- before you do kill yourself. Cause if you keep it locked inside of you, you’ll be trapped and want to escape- by killing yourself. You don’t deserve to die, you deserve to be happy again 🙂 You should try to stop to cut as well. If you need to talk, you can email me 🙂
Gumpy
Thank you very much for taking the time for reading my story and actually caring about it I wish you luck as well and I hope for the best I’m trying to get over it but its very difficult but knowing that a person who doesn’t even know me cares means a lot thanks you 🙂 ~faith
Thanks for shedding some tears now I know that some people do care thanks for all you support and advice I really appreciate you reading my story
What a beautiful story. Really. Despite the trauma of losing your friend and the depression it caused, what an amazing person you are to have loved Zena so deeply. I had to euthanize a friend of eighteen years a few months ago…he was a kitty and he was as loyal and loving as your Zena. So I know exactly how you feel. But consider this: would Zena want you to be as unhappy as you’ve become because of her passing? She would give her life all over again if it meant helping you overcome your depression. If you can’t get better for yourself, do it for Zena! Talk to your mom. You need to speak with a therapist or trusted adult (parent, guidance counselor, etc.) who can help you release the pain of Zena’s passing.
Hey, also, have you considered volunteering at an animal shelter or sanctuary? This could be your therapy if you don’t want to talk to an adult.
I just cried because I know that Zena would give her life for me all over if she could and thank you for caring I’m gonna try and get help because I now know that people who don’t even know me care about me
Brave girl. Keep your head up.
thanks that means alot to me that you suport me and dont even know me some of my best friends couldnt even do that