Not sure if thats necessarily a good thing.. I used to live on this forum a few months ago.. I don’t know what changed even. One day I just got confident. I thought I could finally live without these thoughts everyday. I don’t need this forum, I said to myself.
Well here I am again. Lower than I was months ago. I can’t handle this anymore. I have access to a gun now. That’s probably the one good thing about right now. Otherwise I’m completely broken. I just need him. why does god do this? ugh not even god why does MY HEART want him so bad?! its not easy to get over losing your fiancee of 5 years but this pain is worse than I EVER expected. its been months and I can’t stop this pain.I can’t get over the fact that he’s my soulmate. but why does it have to be this way?! he was abusive towards the end of our relationship. I took a few months break. it was horrible. I missed him like hell. now were seeing each other again but he has a handful of other women. he even shows me texts they send him. calling him ‘babe’ and handsome.
I LOVED HIM FIRST. I LOVED HIM 5 FUCKING YEARS AGO WHEN HE WAS GOING THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT NO ONE WANTED TO DEAL WITH IT. but I loved him the minute I saw him. I gave my life to him. now he’s talking about there other women like their 599 times better than me. and I know they are. I know that. for a fact. everyone’s better than me. every girl out there. but I did so much for him. I loved him before he got so fit. I loved him in high school. I want to tell the other girls to back off but.. he even says he wants them. he keeps leading me on. then breaking me down. its the past all over again but I love him. ill put up with it. please, hit me again. please baby. ill do anything for you. anything for you to see that I’m better than them. Ill let you take your anger out. please. its better than not having him in my life. I can’t handle that.
this is long. no one cares. story of my life. ugh I wish I was 97 pounds and gorgeous. I wish I wasn’t so suicidal. Oh well, like I said the only good thing in this situation is I finally have a gun.
5 comments
Hold on! Just think about how he treated you! Don’t you deserve better? Are you really going to die with him having so much control over you? I mean, if it makes any difference, I am there for you, and I would be sad if you died. Please, if even one person cares about you, you matter!
He’s jsut using your natural insecurities. You need to show him that you’re better than the others. You need to remind him who loved him first, but even more, you need to remind him why HE loved YOU.
I just lost my wife of five years, and seven months later it still hurts. I know what you’re going through.
My cousin had a cat that was her “son.” The cat died and she’s been mourning for a year. Now she feels ready for a pair of kittens. Why not just go and get the kittens after a week? This happened with my ex-wife while we were together too. Basically, I had to drag her kicking and screaming to get kittens. Of course she remembers our late cat, but those kittens worked like a charm!
Yeah it totally sucks when you put everything you got into a relationship and it just suddenly turns turns into one long wet smelly fart. At this point, there are 2 reasonable options: heal on your own and find ourself or go rebound. If we really want to be in a relationship, I think then one should go and flirt and date people. The worst pain will come by isolating on our own, alone.
Do you really think other people should be in charge of whether you live or you die? You shouldn’t let others decide your path in life, YOU should be the main focus, you should love yourself BEFORE anyone else, if you don’t, who will? Everyone needs someone to care for us, but we need to do it first. Would you really want to die before trying to become a gorgeous person, working out and taking good care of yourself? He doesn’t deserve you at all, I bet there are guys much better than him.