I’ve stopped caring and so has everyone else. I’m struggling to find a reason to keep living this awful life, it’s not like I’ll go far in life anyways. Everyone dies eventually, why can’t I just make it happen for myself?
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its hard, it really is. i feel as if its a lose-lose situation. if u live, u gain nothing. if u die, u gain nothing. i wonder why suicide is more difficult than it seems. i guess u literally gotta care about NOTHING to follow through it. maybe there is something u still care about…
It’s not about gaining or losing – you have to decide what you like doing, and go out and do that. If you believe you’re going to lose before you try that won’t be any good.
There must be something you enjoy in life. It’s not all shitty, is it? Do you have any interests, any passions? Are you lonely? Perhaps you need to reach out more. When people are depressed they tend to isolate themselves and put up roadblocks for everyone who cares about them. Eventually these people leave, because they feel that you are rejecting them. They don’t understand how difficult it is for you.
If you want others to care, YOU have to make an effort and care about them. Nobody is going to go knocking on doors that slam shut in their face, nor are they going to want to party at the dark house with shutters on the windows and vines creeping up the sides. Nobody’s home. You have to let people know that when they call, you’ll hear the ring and answer it.
Everyone dies, yes, but we’re supposed to have some fun first. Don’t worry, if you don’t already have one foot in the grave (i.e., terminal illness, etc), you have a chance left. Don’t give up yet. Find your passions.
One thing is clear: you have not stopped caring. If you had, you would not be struggling and writing about it here. You want peace, of course, and have the fantasy that death, The Big Sleep, is it. Yet, you can not make it happen for yourself, because suicide is too terrible. Why does peace come only at such a price? How is this just? If God is good and all powerful, how could this be true?
Consider this. The frightening things that compel you to consider such a solution. What if you simply chose, for a moment, not to react to them emotionally? What if you just threw them over the fence? If you refused, for just an instant, to engage with the hysterical screams in the back of your mind?
G.W.
I ask the same question. When you’ve got nothing, no joy, no humanity, it ought to be easy. I know why I can’t quite follow through (a mixture of cowardliness and family), but still I feel like it’s only a matter of time. Just have to grind through the empty years until then and see if I’m strong enough by then.
One thing I like about suicide is that you get to decide when and how to die, you don’t have to grow old and end up in a wheelchair waiting for your life to end.