All I needed was someone to care when I felt like no one even noticed how much hurt was overcoming me, then when I felt like nothing could get worse even my own friends turned on me when I needed them most.
My only fear is who finds me.. How the feel, but there is only so long I can hold on for.
Everyday I wake up facing the evil demons in my head, my anxiety and most of all the depression that’s held onto me for years. Fueled by the constant hate of every person around me.
My name, the name that in 12 insignificant letters has brought me years of pain the name that will one day mean nothing to everyone who wishes so much to torment it.
I find it a great shame that people, human beings have made me, another living feeling creature feel like this with no remorse.
I’ll never live up to life’s standards and I don’t want to anymore, I don’t want to live in a world so full of hate, hurt, lying and cheats!
We all are going to bully because it’s all we know, and not even my life will stop it as much as I wish it could. In life we get one small chance to make something of ourselves but of it doesn’t fit into humanity’s standards we are shunned.
Nothing I do will be right, but this is as right as it feels.
I love my mum more than life itself and it breaks my heart to do this to her. I’m sorry
4 comments
Well you know if you are still alive. If you are trying to feel relief you wont feel it when your dead. Relief is a feeling and you have to be alive to feel it.
There are other ways of handling this situation other than suicide. Please reconsider.
To be honest I don’t think there is a relief to any of this.
I am totally understand where you are right now. I have been there and every day is a struggle.. Every fiber in me is in termoil, sadness and grief. I have lived with bi-polar for 20 years now, I have accomplished many things and had some fleeting moments of happiness but still the end result is always the same, waking up each moment and wish it was my last. 7 serious suicide attempts later I am still here and suffering. The long and short of it, go a different route keep reaching out, you are heard and are not alone!