Is it even worth living?

Ever since I was 13 I had sucicidel thoughts, I would cut almot daily, I was pretty much on my own and I would barley say a word, I’ve also atempted suicide but by destiny’s hand I still alive. I saw this as a sign, that maybe things in my life would get better, all the wrong would turn right and the darkness in me would fade. My depression and anxity where disapearing my problems didn’t seem so big any more. I’m 19 now and I feel as if nothing has changed, I feel that I was lieing to myself. My dad would take his frustration out on my mom and myslef he would verbaly abuse me and mom. He would say he’s sorry and I would forgive him… and now I’m at the point where I ask myself what if I disapear? What would happen? Will every thing be ok? Will it make my dad re think and stop verbaly abusing my mom? It’s been so long ever since I felt a blade on my skin and as of now I really need it’s sleek on my wrist… I don’t wanna make a long post explaining from the begging where things went wrong….