Suicide? don’t die yet (sharing some glimpses of Hope)

I’ve just happened to come across this site, and seen all the replies here,
and I can honestly totally relate with everything you all said here.
In fact, these are all the main reasons, or my main feelings, that I’ve browsed around & eventually found this place!

I hate the fact that:
1. The world is mostly run by the riches & powerful, but not necessarily the most genuine kind of people, ‘cuz there’re often just way too many dirty politics & trickery for one honest, genuine person (or leader) to cope for! and it can just becomes way too much to handle!
although I’m not saying that ALL riches & powerful people are corrupt like that.

2. Yet the much sadder fact is that somehow the majority of human beings (people) can’t see & know what is damn wrong with all the current “system”, especially the capitalist system. I mean, I’m not an expert in economist, but one doesn’t have to have a Economic master degree to see that there is just something VERY WRONG with how our world has turned into. It’s like too many people are become so immersed in the “system” that it even turns themselves into that greedy, materialistic, highly-competitive beings.

3. And hence it’s very easy for any ‘ordinary’ person like us, who’re often honest, kind-hearted & have good soul (by no means this is to boast!) feel so much helpless in fighting and transforming what we clearly *KNOW* to be such a big mess!
Changing the world quickly becomes a thing that’s seemingly super-impossible to do, and that’s what makes people like us just f*cking hate (pardon the swearing) this world, what humanity has turned into, etc,..and want to take the ‘quickest route’ to get the REAL peacefulness.

I understand and can relate too well with all you’ve felt here..

But I don’t know…. I guess the reason on why I haven’t seriously ended my life, aside from the usual “selfish act causing lots of griefs & misery to family members & people who truly care for us” thing, is because I’m still somewhat able to find HOPE, and BEAUTY / GOODNESS in this world,..that is if we’re willing to open our eyes more too look for these things, instead of getting heavily bombarded by the ‘negativity’ this ‘negative’ obnoxious society (& people) often indoctrinates us & wants us to also get totally *immersed* in all the negativity! Well, DON’T .

Even the fact that I’m seeing this site, and all its posts, is already *BEAUTY (or Goodness)* in itself, knowing that I’m definitely not alone, and Internet surely is probably the greatest invention that’s able to ‘connect’ us like-minded people, who’ll otherwise perhaps would feel much more lonely, useless, worthless, and hence, more prone to suicide! (community and sense of belonging is very important, after all, it’s a basic human nature).

And then there are other things that I’ve still found BEAUTY, and HOPE in humanity, and if I may mention some of them:
1. Music and Arts, be it Paintings, Drawings, even Movies.
I can’t tell how many times I’ve felt this world is all bleak & hopeless, and not until I’ve later out suddenly found such a warm, beautiful music, or work of Arts (even movies) that can really moves my heart so much,..that I suddenly feel it to be WORTHWHILE, and a.so proving hat there are still GOOD human souls, such as those who create those Arts! which relates to the next point

2. Good-natured humans (people) are actually EVERYWHERE,..but they’re just probably *scattered* just like, methaporically speaking, diamonds in the piles of dusts. Hence, the often too-easy feeling of “I’m just alone”, whereas in fact perhaps if we open our eyes more, and look around more, we’ll find these kind of “shining” souls around the corners, or in certain places or areas or events, constantly trying to do GOOD deeds, or for the good causes.
Again, one of the thing that gives me so much hope is the Internet, that because of it, now I am able to connect and find similar ‘hurted good-nature’ people like you guys here! Now THAT is quite a HOPE, isn’t it? 🙂

3. Evolve. Sometimes in our depressed state, it’s easy to see that EVERYTHING just went wrong in this world, and EVERYTHING is bleak, hopeless,..while if we’re actually calm down, and willing to view it from grander perspective/outlook,..actually we’ll find the humanity does constantly EVOLVE,..and somewhat we are all trying to change for BETTER.
You mentioned that there’s still a Slavery, but really, compared to even some centuries ago, you’ll see that our ‘humanity’ has actually getting much better. At least we are now more *civilized* than ever in the past, that we won’t abruptly burn some people just like in those Dark Ages (where ironically religion is causing all of that).
And again & again, Internet has somewhat ‘leveled the playing fields’ that even ‘ordinary’ human like us can have a VOICE now, more than ever in the past!

4. I believe somehow that human beings are actually GOOD in nature, as long as if they’re being LEAD to a good, true, inspiring examples.
I guess this is why we & majority of people still like, even LOVE reading those so-called “Inspiring stories/figures”,….because it truly shows what’s actually really POSSIBLE, instead of all the *Limitations* thinking that we’re often somehow ‘brainwashed’ to be.
There are also still many stories of ‘Lost and Found’, the stories of Transformation, people change radically from ‘evil’ to goodness, even if the change is really a moving one, they can turn into a HUGE goodness!

And in the end, these are all what makes me want to somewhat keep living, to see the POSSIBILITIES of what’s the future going to be,
but most importantly perhaps, is to become part of the CHANGE itself, no matter how small it is!

A “Change” is still a “Change”.
NEVER ever think the otherwise! ie: that you and I are just ‘too damn small’ to BE that change.
Because I truly & firmly believe that if you keep doing, and being who you truly ARE, without conforming to what society wants you to be, then sooner enough, you will have some souls converted, and even feel very grateful for your existence,…even if you never know about it (or they don’t tell u)!

I guess it’s really *not* without a reason that Mahatma Gandhi said this one very popular saying, that I truly treasure so much especially in the times of depressions, and that is: “BE the CHANGE that you want to see in this world”.

So I just want to end this long sharing of mine, with a positive note…to always, always try to find beauty & goodness around you, and if the “beauty or goodness” that you’re looking is still not there, or not present in your vicinity/area,..then go CREATE one. MAKE one. don’t hesitate.
Believe that you are definitely not alone!
Perhaps some human souls are actually waiting for the LEADER (ie: You) to start first, and they’ll then easily join your forces!

Please try to be positive (because ‘Negativity’ won’t do ANYTHING good, as I’m sure you guys already know & aware of), and try to create positivity, because that’s what YOU ARE.
After all, like my cousin used to say so well: “instead of saying we’ll all die anyway, so why not die now,..why not change it in reverse, and say that we’ll all die anyway, so why don’t try to LIVE our life to the fullest, and CREATE something good, positive, then we’ll die *happily* instead of in desperation and frustration!”

I hope this one simple heartfelt message would at least shed some lights,
and also sparks the “lights” inside each of you, good-natured souls, who’re reading this.
Then I’ll be very happy enough to know that I’ve caused a good CHANGE already! 🙂

Keep living
don’t die yet.

Warm regards,
Niki

(PS: Brittany, is it possible that you’re the one from the INFP globalchatter forum??? 🙂 )