It’s been at the back of my mind for a while. But now I’ve come to realise that it’s more than just suicidal thoughts. I’ve gotten to a point where I just have this really strong feeling that there’s something not right about me being alive. It’s not a result of bullying or any sort of trauma, it’s just a feeling, a really strong one. Over the past few weeks I’ve been putting myself through relatively dangerous “tests” to see whether I belong here or not. So far, I’ve survived them (clearly) but they’re not enough proof for me that I belong anymore. I just really don’t know what to do. Well I do, I know that I want to be free from this feeling because I hate it. I know that I want to starve myself to death. And I want it to be slow, and painful, because I want to prove to myself that I can do it. And that way I can die skinny. I have it all planned out. I don’t really know why I’m posting this because no matter what I say nobody will understand this “feeling” I’m talking about. It’s just basically as if I’m a projection and the world has a shield blocking me out. I need proof (from who u I don’t know) that I belong in the world. The tests didn’t satisfy me. So if I starve myself to death, or near death, and I survive? Then that could be my proof. And if I die? Then atleast id have accomplished something painful, and I’d be pretty and skinny. What do you think?
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What other tests have you tried?
It won’t work. The agony of starvation will surpass your pain threshold and you’ll invariably yield to an overwhelming hunger. Whatever weight you do lose will reattach itself to you with the velocity of a stretched rubber band the moment you begin to consume food with regularity once more.
You might think that no body understands but I know how you feel. I don’t know you, and might never. But, starving yourself is not the answer. You need to eat. The amount of pain you will feel will be overwhelming and you will be stuck being in a hospital bed. Because even if you do try this, you’ll eventually pass out and someone will catch on and take you to a hospital where they will feed you untill they are sure your Ok. I hope you take into consideration that everyone around you cares about you, even the meanest people. I deffinatly do and I don’t even need you. Trust me, I’ve tried this and it don’t work! It’s not the answer. Please don’t do this!!!
Verum is right. You will not be able to overcome your survival instincts when it comes to trying to starve yourself. We’re not saying you lack the willpower or anything, it’s just that NOBODY can ignore their instinct to eat once they start literally starving. Other methods or different. You have survival instincts that tell you not to stand in front of a train or hang yourself either, but in those instances, you only have to find the strength to push those instincts out of your mind for a matter of seconds. Starving is an entirely different story. So I can tell you right now that you’ll “survive” yet another test if you try to go this route. Plus depending on how much extra weight you have on your body you could end up surviving for weeks if not months.
You could try to put a positive spin on it, try fasting, it can actually be very healthy and healing for your body to refrain from food for a while. There are different ways to go about this but you have to do it safely.
Eventually, without medical treatment, anorexia/buimia will or can kill you. Usually it’s from dehydration and heart attack. Getting there is very slow and painful. Yes, I know how you feel. That feeling inside is all consuming. I tried different “test” too. I’m still here. I restrict my food intake or puke to punish myself, among other things. I’m not sure if I see that as proof of being here, but I guess I’m testing fate too. It’s not easy and there can be a lot of complications. Depending on your current weight, you might not achieve your goal (skinny) before your body gives out.
I didn’t like to call someone’s bluff on such a site as this, obviously with some much on the line (your life)….but in this case I have to say “B.S.”.
The two previous posts are absolutely correct. The average person will take up.to 30 days without food before their rounding deaths door. For a person to get even close to the “red zone” they will have to go without food.for.about 25 days. the sheer agony of not eating will make that plan highly improbable of ever coming to fruition.
P.S.
Don’t try not drinking or dehydrating yourself to death. That plane too will probably be given up on the second or third day of you trying it.
@clarity1987: The method may be BS, but the intent may not be. You’re testing fate in more ways than one.
Having a bad day, perhaps?
Dude, it’s a pretty common feeling you have. I’d wager most suicidal or depressed people have felt it at some time.
But the fact that it’s banal doesn’t make it less unpleasant.
“Pretty and skinny”? Starving yourself, doesn’t make you pretty, it depletes your muscles, dries you out and gives you bad skin, you would know if you’d tried it. Anyway, looking pretty in death is THE most pointless thing ever. No one will really care, they’ll be much to sad about the fact that you are dead. And you yourself won’t benefit either. Also, I suppose you’re aware that starvation can be bad for your teeth?
Looking good is for life, and eating healthily and exercising is a good way of accomplishing it. Being healthy might also improve your mood or at least make you feel more in control.
Life can really suck, sometimes for years on end, but there’s nothing pre-ordained or purposeful in it as far as I know, sometimes you’re just down on your luck, or you might be sabotaging yourself in some way.
Just try to be yourself and to find joy in life, being true to yourself should at least give you a sense of self-worth and pride, even when you are feeling sad.
Starving oneself to death is a viable option and contrary to many of the comments above it is considered one of the least painful of methods. As for the “natural survival instinct”, this does not really come into play in starvation since the body tends to be “fooled” into thinking it’s okay.
I have attempted ending my life on 4 separate occasions over the past 2 years. Three times I tried Co2 poisoning and once I tried helium. Everytime with the Co2, I did experience “survival instinct” moments in which I stumbled out of my “death zone” while largely incoherent – only to come to after an hour or so. Helium was a dismal failure.
I have been on a “starvation plan” since March 5, 2013. Today is March 15,, 2012. Today is my 11th day without food of any kind. I can tell you from firsthand experience that the bad days were days 2 and 3. After that my stomach shrank (the primary cause of hunger pangs is this – your stomach is naturally expanded to receive an approximate quantity of food every day. When it doesn’t get it, you feel hunger. However, once the stomach shrinks and “hunger pains” you might get are entirely psychological).
For the past 11 days I have also cut down – but not entirely out – on my fluid intake. I have a half a cup of coffee (no cream) in the morning and a glass of wine (just one, no ice) at night. As things progress I realize that my worst days are still ahead of me. But again, I have studied the subject long and hard and most of the discomfort is going to come as a result of the decreased fluid intake (dehydration) rather than deprivation of food.
Got a whole load of understanding with the original poster, ‘allthesame’. Also noticed nobody used your name nor asked how you are right now? I don´t know about the skinny bit cause, if you want to shuffle of this mortal coil it should be for you, no one else and not to do with percieved bodily inadequacies. That means compassion to yourself, no pain and suffering. A simple calorific reduction and liquid through ice will keep you in survival mode. If your will gives up then, (and it will within 30 days unless you’re Bobby Sands,) then it’s natural choice with inevitable consequences. Checkout http://adventure.howstuffworks.com/survival/wilderness/live-without-food-and-water1.htm and the movie Into the wild to really wise up to what you’re considering. The means don’t justify the end.
Look last year I was messed up I don’t even recognize me because I wasn’t like that.. I start cutting and once I didn’t feel hungry anymore… There was no reason to eat I didn’t feel happy or pretty I didn’t feel like me I stay like 24 hours without food, 1 glass of water and only a floss flavor in my mouth… A friend noticed me bad and when I light up a cigarette I start feeling awful I know I have the worst resistance ever but what I mean is give it a try.. I’m here by the same please think in all your best moments.. Were you alone? Here with us you’re not.
Think in all the people who will get depressed by your death that’s always make me stop
I hope you’re still around, and that you’ll reply to this. How are you doing now? Did you attempt the suicide by starvation? Please respond, I feel the same as you, am in the depth of discouragement, and could use some friendly advice. Sorry to bother you with this, but I hope you reply.
Sorry. To whoever might read this, sorry. I wish everything was different, but it isn’t. Sorry.
I haven’t eaten food for two weeks, lots of booze though, an overdose didn’t work, my ex partner and I split but we still love each other and care for each other but the only way I can see that she will be ok is to kill myself, I’ve had these thoughts for years now and I’m trying to see it through to the end!
I normally avoid posting comments on such sites but after reading your post I had to. I had been in love with a woman for about 15 years. Lived her every moment of my life and then the relationship ended. When she was there every time I would close my eyes she would be there, every time I would open my eyes she would be there. She was in my mind and heart 24/7 for 15 long years. Suddenly she left leaving a big void in my life. Taking away from me the very reason why I was alive. It was like someone took your soul out of your body. So, after she left every time I would close my eyes I would see nothing but darkness, every time I would open my eyes I would see nothing but darkness. In this universe she was my connection and after she left I started feeling as if I am a stranger in this world. It was like being in a party where you do not know anyone, anyone. What do you do? I would leave such a party. So after I had done all the crying, screaming, yelling and begging I went silent because silence was the only option left then. The silence helped me to complete isolate myself from the world, I loved it so much that I wanted more. I started skipping my meals, some days not eating at all. Slowly but steadily pushing myself to embrace the ultimately silence and be lost in the darkness forever. One day I woke, walked to the other room and fainted. I got back to consciousness within seconds. My head was bleeding as it had hit the edge of the bed. I went back to my room, lied on my bed. I was fine, thinking its working and I would soon be there at my destination. But then my niece came and it all got interrupted. Its been an year now, I am back in that state of mind. I have again brought down my diet to one time a day, breakfast only, no lunch or dinner. You said you want to feel that you belong to this world, I know I don’t and I know that the universe wants me to leave. Had that not been the case it wouldn’t have so damn cleverly conspired t bring me where I am today. Its giving me a very clear message that party for me is over, time to be back home. People would call it depression, I don’t. I am not depressed, I am fine. Depressed people do not take bath, I do. Depressed do not eat, I can but I don’t out of my choice. Its not depression, it about not belonging to this world, its about in a place you don’t want to be, in a party you shouldn’t be.
Hi Yama if it’s not depression what is it? I am also in the same boat but when am out their am the most cheerful person making jokes but when I can I always want to be alone
To those saying that it causes great pain…this is wrong. After the third day, you lose any sense of hunger for the most part. The stomach has shrunk to the point of needing to fill a void. I find it much easier to resist the urge of hunger than that of thirst.
After about a week, you reach a point of exhaustion to the point where you don’t want to do anything. After about 2 weeks (where I currently am), you have strength still to move around and function normally, but you can definitely feel your senses dulling a bit. My vision isn’t as acute and I find it difficult to really focus my eyes. My sense of taste (I still drink coffee, water and tea) and smell have definitely dulled as well. I would say I’ve only shed about 20lbs however, so those thinking you will lose massive weight before death, don’t expect it. It’s a drawn out process, but probably the easiest…like most easy things however, it generally takes longer. I expect it to take another 3-5 weeks to be quite honest (dependent on whether medical complications speed it up or not).
In essence, I find this much more preferable way to actually commit suicide. It’s virtually painless, and survival instinct doesn’t get in the way as much as many say it does.
I am the way the truth and the life.
In the world you will have trouble
All things are possible with me.
Believe and you can move mountains
Jesus
I live with a narcissistic mom. Hateful and bitter. Hates my existence. I pray continuous. I have to live here at least 11 more years. I have to be alive for my son. I hate my physical life. I wake up to hate and bitterness from my mom and daughter EVERY DAMM DAY. I’d love to have cancer. But suicidée is against Jesus and God. Plus I can not leave a little child with my parents.
I’m in the worst situation. I’m trapped. I’d rather be homeless than be here if it were not for my son.
That is so trapped. I can relate. I am trapped here on earth too, far a while longer anyway.