I didn’t leave him, my husband that is uts been so long since my last post and I’m still here. Same stupid crap same relationship. When I told him I was leaving he promised things would change and they did. He started treating me right and being more loving and supportive towards me. All the lies I held came to light and he swept them under the rug. I rely thought I was going to be happy, I really thought things would have changed but maybe I can’t change, maybe I’m not allowed to be happy. I really just want to die now more then […]
I am actually doing it I am leaving him. I got approved for an apartment today and can move in next week. Its in the same complex as one of my work friends so I have support and she can help me watch out for him. I am also getting him to sign something saying he wont take the dogs from me, and within a year I can file for divorce and really be done. I don’t care about anything else. I don’t have any furniture or anything else for that matter but i don’t care im done with the abuse and even if im […]
I’m still here, found some friends who have been making my life better which has helped. Husband and I lost the house, we got some money back from it. And are now living with his parents. I’ve spent some of the money unbeknownst to him and now after 9 years (celebrated our 9th on Sep 27th) I am planning on leaving him. I wanted to know if ya’ll have any suggestions on what i should do before dropping this bomb on him that im walking away. Things have gotten good then bad and now worst, he is always angry at me and is now playfully […]
And noghtings changed. My great grandpa died today. I used to see him all the time as a kid and the first thing my husband said to me after I told him is “You better not use your bereavement, you need to save it for someone more important” like ummm it doesn’t work that way but no if I use it go to the funeral he’ll make my life hell. Just like that time he playfully choked me. Like haha you should have seen your face!!! FML I need a drink or 100 maybe
Can’t I just ever be enough? Can’t someone ever tell me my best is good enough? Can’t you ever just got once say your proud of me? I’m not a big fuck up. Well you up there sleeping your words are ringing in my ears, your leaving me because I fuck everything up, I should be thankful that someone like you would ever love someone like me. Well fuck you, might as well be the fuck up you keep telling me. I guess I’ll be finding out tonight what it feels like to die. I hope you’re smart enough to give the dogs away. I […]
I failed again. This world is full of bleak dark expressions moving about the day. No one ever said living was easy, everything hurts. The sun, this fake smile, repeating over and over ‘tomorrow will be better, it has to’. I let my deepest desire take hold of me, I handed over the reins to that part of myself. The sweet words running thru my head on repeat like a lullaby. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. I never does! You’ll just sleep and never have to feel like this again. You need this, you want it. People will move on, the world won’t […]
It’s been so long since I felt the need to write here, so long since I failed at leaving this mortal coil. The voices of all of those who loved me pushing me to stay and now several months later I arrive back at the cliff wanting to jump in. Still stuck to this verbally abusive asshole. Why can’t I just leave why do I feel so tied down to him. He has sucked every color out of my soul, I am just a ugly grey shell of what I used to be. Everything is a fight, everything a struggle. The gun in our closet […]
To my husband: I’m done trying to please you when nothing will. I can’t keep all the pain in any longer. Now you won’t have to leave me or deal with my bs as you call it. Good luck finding a new girl that will deal with you and your bs. I can’t anymore you’ve sucked me dry. Sorry your best friend is going to have to pick up my body and as you put it be disgusted with me. I wish I could have turned off my feelings before it got this bad.
To my mother in law/boss: I may have inconvenients you tonight but […]
Is today the day? Will the 23rd of May go down as the day I finally snapped. My husband told me last night that all I do is threaten suicide but never follow through. Maybe I should, today seems like a good day to die. No one would miss me, sure all those fake people in my family that just like to dump shit on while I’m stuck in a hole. I locked my keys in my car. My mother in law who I work for is pissed because the other girl called in sick today. She is lazy and doesn’t want to run her […]
I really thought i was done with this site. Things were starting to look up and i haven’t felt like killing myself in a long time. I really thought i was on the path of recovery, but I guess you never really are. Life just has a wonderful way of creeping its ugly head in the way of the sun. I keep saying this over and over about my husband, but I am stuck. there is no way I can leave. I have no one that I could live with temporarily and I can’t go to a shelter because hes not physically abusive. If there […]
I need help. I’m at the end of my rope. I’m drowning and nothing can save me. My husband and I got into a huge fight today. He kept calling me an idiot over and over so I slammed the bedroom door. He said he wanted to talk to come out. News flash he didn’t. He just yelled at me more and called me an idiot again. I slammed the door again. This time hard enough to break it, it’s a shit door. He yelled more and told me to come out. I did because I guess I am an idiot. He told me I […]
Why must I keep living this lie, why can no one see the pain in my eyes. When they ask how I am why can’t they see the “good” is code for I’m falling apart. Why can’t I escape, there’s nothing I can do. Hes got me tangled in his web of deceit and pain. So many people think he is an amazing guy, its my fault I tell them how amazing he is. If only they knew the truth or could see the monster hiding under all of those layers of polished personality. My true hell is in his arms along with my entire […]
Need help I can’t keep doing this. He’s going to kill me. It’s slowly getting worse the yelling has now turned into shoving. Yesterday we got taco bell and the bottom of the box of tacos broke. He was mad at me it was my fault I should have carried it better. I gave him the tacos that didn’t hit the ground and I dropped them on his lap. He got pissed that I “threw” them at him and he threw one at the back of my head as I walked out. It’s my fault I shouldn’t have tossed them at him. I […]
I can’t do this I wrote my husband a letter letting him know why I wanted a bunny. We got into a huge fight and he pretty much told me if I wanted any more pets I would need to move out and leave. He said I needed to apologize to him for being a ***** and disrespecting his feeling. He said we’ve done it my way for to long now and it’s high time to do things his way. I tried apologizing to him but he wouldn’t take it. Now he won’t talk to me. I can’t leave because of money issues and I […]
Am i just a glutton for punishment, why can’t I just leave him (my husband). I’ve tried so many times and it never works out. He’s so mean and he doesn’t see it my way ever. I know I’m not perfect but I don’t think I deserve how he treats me. I can’t walk away he’s not physically abusive but he’s very verbally abusive and has no issue telling me I’m ugly and need to lose weight. He tells me how I fail all the time and I already feel like crap about myself. I’ve looked at places to move so I can leave him, […]
I’m so tired of feeling like a failure and like I’m not allowed to be happy. My husband is going to hate me I don’t care nothing I do will make him happy. I’ve tried for so long and nothing changes. He says that I always get my way and I’m ungrateful but that’s not true. Maybe it is maybe I am ungrateful. Maybe this is a bad idea I don’t know what else to do. He said after my Guinea pigs died we weren’t getting anymore pets for a while. But he said if I didn’t rescue I could have a rabbit. Well I’m […]
I am an animal lover and I’ve had several animals in my life so I know that eventually they die. My guinea pigs got sick and died a day apart from each other. Three days ago they were happy little pigs running around and chewing on everything and then its like someone flipped a switch. I couldn’t afford to take them to the vet because its so expensive and i just started working. I know its silly but I love them so much and I miss them so much. I feel so trapped and with everything that has been happening I just feel like everything […]
I was raised by my nina (godmother) since i was five months old. You could say we have a strong bond, she just turned 79 years old this year. And shes starting to have a lot of health issues. She had to be put in a nursing home and shes not eating properly. She can’t keep anything down and it seems like the nurses can only give her something for her stomach if she asks for it. She forgets and doesn’t ask, and she can’t eat and is losing weight. She has suffered from strokes, and currently has parkinson’s disease, and dementia. I love her so […]
Well today all the walls came crashing down in a giant explosion. I’ve been hiding some bills from my husband since I lost my job and I know it’s wrong but he has a heart condition and he gets stressed easy. Well today he checked the mail and found the Bills I’ve been hiding. We got into a huge fight and he’s threatening to leave me for hiding shit from him. I was trying so hard and now i need to figure out what to do. He doesn’t care that I did it so he wouldn’t have to deal with the heart issues. He doesn’t […]
Is it because of my weight that he doesnt love me anymore. I know I’ve gained weight since we started dating 5 years ago. In my defense so has he. (if you’re wondering he is my husband, we were married on April 22nd last year) I recently lost my job and I am starting college in less then a week, well if I can find a way to pay for the shots I need to start. I’m going to school to become a Vet Tech, something I’ve wanted to do since I was a child. He’s had a few odd jobs here and there through […]
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