Yikrens

I mannaged to be in two weeks more than 6 time affiliated on my case with the Intensive Care Unit, the Ambulance, the Police.

So, I won’t turn to be a warmogger  in Israel, Syria, Lebanon, Westjordan etc.

But I would have liked to. Instead, I increased my Experiences in Substances to 90 different upon 70+ are Drugs. The lastest was very hideous to counter and could have had killed me easily or turning me disablied.

I count unwillingly that I’ll be one day very disabled by my actions, so I need to clarify that such a Life in my Imagination should not be kept alive. I hope […]

i do not even want to return. all i want is about aurora aksnes or a real healing.

the poems, the songs of love, I want to listen to them with her, I am insane, I lose all I got from lining to self-control, I am fed up, I do not want any food or drink although I need and will. all saints day feels nothing different from any other day, I think I have passed all the bloom a life can give. I want to get a weapon, I want to join the forces but actually all I want, what she hates, is being hugged […]

Imagination of a World I’ve never known,
adultery with the women I love,
separation and reunion in a row,
our business and the career for any alone.

Morning is half way there when my thoughts go,
reflecting my emotions and to know where I belong,
that I need to use the riffle, the gun without that to come,
I was unable to count the voices,
will corpses on my Name make it easier for me?

I could already have m< streaks of Deaths in my past,
I do need no war or once joint forces to recrute me for such,
no graveyard of prophetes, no religion on […]

I am thinking a lot about Death. I want it, but I am more passionate about Love. I would set myself Alive for Love, I would make my Wish to Die true by dying in accompany of those who I love and I could finally stop all my Lifestyle that is bad for my Life.

On the other Side, I could live on with my Lifestyle, doing this with my beloved ones, not in Direction to Die from, but with the Perspective of enlightment, to have occupations of Truth to found on, to enjoy being alive and to have the Thrill of doing wrong to Law.

I […]

coming soon.

made me withdraw my attempt
got missed in the aftermath
shall anyone kill itself before too late
give me a gun and you’re dead

suddenly, I admit – this type of attraction nobody shared to me.
and that within a scene being torn by coldness, lies and theft.
It would teased me to watch as he would die, but wouldn’t.
I could be more of just voyeur, I could abuse that kind.
Receiving his way empathy is such a madness. I hate to have thoughts that I’d like to recieve. I have no problems attracting him or had made him survive, but I have one being very first time accepting to have got one infatuated to me.

And to break his will with my wish to die is almost like […]

I felt long like this exemplar of human. As if the queried urge of someone made you each and appear where you are – but the wish just made you appear but does not mention how it does change.

I, might be 14, dissatisfied and without engagement made myself through the day with no felt struggle. There were a lot to many ones view striking on to me. They became all inflationary and meaningless, even making the double of ten times the amount was not much of an challenge or performance to me. It just not got into the desires, wishes and obligations which were meant […]

to die surrounded by people who I love. either in the past, or in the present. but I am at the house of my parents, with my family. I did not thought of them, are not a replacement for me.

a mixture of drugs and medicine. maybe accompanied by the people around me who like to help me, feel me and have together separately the ability to rely. but I took 56mg of buphrenorphin patches from my dad.

I told dad about a Party on Friday. This Parent expected, said to me blatantly that I will end up at the hospital that night. I felt hurted. I […]

the way will show the wrongs.

I remind myself during sleep that I only want to die. It is alike when I am awake. Doing my researches and studies, following my path to eat and drink enough. I care for myself, but every step has the etiquette with the inscription “you only want to die”.

it is not over with the day, I see them again when I shower and there suddenly I have a mental breakdown. They happen often. I read on the shampoo “Suffers your….” and I start to think that over. I have freedom, that is great. My financial Situation is double backed up. Most People are guilty themselves […]

i am trying to kill myself every month

From Flawless Skills to Rubbish ones.

I could be Death so easily. I get Mental because of so many Things. Tiny opt-outs causing the future to be challenged or fragmented, propagating danger as Integrity of Officials to their Ideals will missed out.

It even does cause me to feel Suicidal to treat the Past or the Fure. The Gossip will always be, but under which Light? I would like to not care, but Mystery and Misasumptions are malvolent to Emotions. I do not want to opt-in to give People Self-Esteem who just want to see People Dead and as provocation aimed on to them.

Nobody wants to Die as an Result of the […]

i am troubled. i failed to save humans in 2016 and are now up to lower dedications, to save the planet. a failure of saving humans resulted in polytoxicomania. i do not even want to proceed in life, to be obsessed with the idea that I could be saving the earth. do i want this? nobody saved me, they just made it more worse or just triggered that I made my Life inflicted with chronic pain.

what should be done?

back to phase 1 to save human, but some are already dead now

proceeding phase 2 with making myself more ill than ever

maintaining phase 3, getting into problems […]

my death will be a mixed quantum state. i’ll have particles of heroin and waves of absinth. the interferometer will estimate the signal about 3 hours after. it could be that I’ll make a quantum teleportation to another nation awhile my being is ascenting, slipping underneath the quantum realm. the casimir effect will avoid that I will sense the intensity of disturbation for my past and future. due to the heisenberg picture, I can only tell about the position, but the angular momentum will be unknown for me.

the standard modell will tell, that any failure, if the gluons don’t save me, it will be a […]

it ain’t simple.

I need someone to take the phone from me for the overdose. Crystal overdosed is beautiful and still shakes inside 10 days later. Maybe an entire life.

It is beautiful, but nothing kills my thirst to die. This happiness is not true.

Memento Mori dear me.

I am living now for 10 months alone. Yet I still can’t make a Sunday at home. What do I do wrong?

enter here.

“a way to die and you call emergency. you did it tree times. do you think this is fun?”

is this addiction, it feels not deep enough yet.