Ylem

I can’t be losing it again. I refuse to go back to that fucked up, psychotic, suicidal state. At least not for another month. I need my sanity.

…My head is taking me there once again. Especially since everything is falling apart. I might just do it tonight. I have nothing to lose anyway. I have lost everything.

I don’t give a shit about anything. Nothing at all. I mean, not a flying fuck in the world. I seem to have given up on myself. On all that I’ve been working for my whole life, and I’m right about to cross the finish line. I have messed up a lot of shit. Shit I don’t even know how I’m going to rectify.

I mean right now I should be in class, but here I am, sitting in the computer lan, reading posts on here and watching a movie. I mean COME ON YOU DUMB FUCK. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ALREADY. And I’m lying to […]

For fucks sake, I’m not even good at killing myself. I’m a good for nothing piece of shit.

My parents are fucking annoying me. Watching me like I’m a fucking prisoner. I want to die for shits sake. They are making things very hard for me. I swear they even follow me to the bathroom. Keep me in the bedroom. And I’m sleeping on the floor on a mattress in their bedroom. The Fuck!

For the past two nights I’ve been trying, but they always get in the way. I’ll give it another shot tonight. I will have to pretend I’m better so the security loosens […]

I’m dying tonight. A day I’ve been waiting for over 10 years. I’m finally going to die.

Goodbye fucked up world. I’m going to ebjoy burning in hell.

They have taken full control. I try to reach out for help but my entire family insults me for trying. They say some horribl things about me. They don’t care anymore. I guess I have been too much of a nuicance they have had enough of me.

I doubt this week will end with me still among the breathing. I don’t want to be here anymore.

You know you are no longer wanted when your parents tell you to go kill yourself.

Twenty cuts. The blood is beautiful. And I’m not done.

I’VE MISSED MY BLADES

Im fucked up. I’m losing sense of reality. All that is inside me does not want to be here. I am always in fantasy land until someone disturbs me and brings me back to this hell. I hate being alive. I can’t take anymore of this shit

I can’t breathe. I feel like the walls are closing in around me. Thoughts are racing in my head.

I can’t take this anymore.

Every damn day is a struggle. I want out. I can’t take the pain anymore.

The pain won’t go away. It’s crippling. I can’t stop crying. When will this ever end? When will I feel alive? All that gives me peace are thoughts of my death. The only thing that numbs the pain.

How long must I suffer like this? When the hell will I be free?

Can I just die already. I can’t take this shit.

I know I’m really depressed when I can’t even drag myself out of bed. I’ve been in bed all day today. I didn’t go to school. Gave my mother a lame excuse and she finally left me alone.

The only thing that brings me comfort is thoughts of my death. I want it now. But I can’t have it now. Sucks.

I want out.

Been a while. Shit has been happening.

I’m the most negative person I know. I mean, things should be better. I should be feeling better. I should be happy. I am happy, I think. But… There is always a but.

There are voices in my head. Sometimes they are completely quiet, other times it’s like they are screaming. Shouting. Yelling. Even with all the yelling, I can always hear one clearly. End it. End it. It always whispers. Even when all the others are silent. It’s always there. End it.

A month ago the voices got really intense. I was completely psychotic. I can barely even remember the […]