Hello good people… I’m writing this as the last resort after a true hell of a year because, despite my and my family’s and my therapists’ best efforts, the things have only got worse, and I have fallen in deep depression and almost completely lost hope and will to live, but am still very afraid to try suicide and still have spark of hope that things can get better… To start with, I had a very interesting life, I had a lot of ups and downs but was very satisfied with myself and healthy, and was always enthusiastic and full of energy and will to […]
Was it easy? Looking at me withdraw from life and walking away as if it was another tantrum?
Was it easy? Taunting me about being weak everytime I had a breakdown? And asking me to pull my shit together when you’re the one who broke me in the first place?
Was it easy? Pushing me away when I pulled you closer when my demons haunted me every night?
Was it easy? Rolling your eyes and walking out everytime I asked you about your mistakes?
Was it easy? When you gave yourself to so many people yet you told me you only belonged to me?
Was […]
I don’t see light at the end of the tunnel, Iam only waiting for the next accident to occur…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGzu-YqE3Vc
I meticulously fantasize of suicide i die 1000 times
inside my head and late at night i hear the wind
I feel the death blows by semi trucks
and I don’t give a shit about myself I want to jump
but then I think about my family
and the people that surround me and i..
This song is pretty sad but expresses my feelings on how I want to kill myself but I think of my family and of not wanting to hurt them by doing so…
hey,
just want to share a little bit of my story. Sorry for my bad english.
My father is an alcoholic psycho, as long as I can think. He was allways fliping out. I started smoking weed, when I was 12. I was smoking and drinking every day, since Im 16. At this age, I became sick, crohns desease. Every day pain, like hell… Im on opiate painkillers since Im 20. This every day pain breaks my brain. Got depressed after some years of horrible pain. With 25 I started to take speed, meth, cokain everyday use, in weekends mdma, sometimes lsd, alltogether with weed and painkillers. Every […]
I relapsed again today. again…
do any of you ever feel like you will never, ever get better? like it is impossible for you to ever be normal or happy?
that’s exactly how I’ve felt for the longest time… i thought I wanted to get better but maybe deep down I don’t… i just can’t… I cant get better and I cant really explain it better than saying my body just wants to continue to sink and linger in this hole of depression.
i think this could be because of how I am.. no one as sensitive or as pathetic as me could ever exist normally in this […]
Your endgame is death. You have no real purpose in living. You don’t have any objectives in my life, and it’s been suggested that you make some. Find something to do, anything.
While you are alive, your objective is to make yourself as scarce as possible. Help others. If harm is to come to anyone, do everything in you power to make it come to you. You are unimportant. You are an extra, you can take the fault. You are disposable. Take the blame unless it is beneficial to others.
You have no grand dreams or imaginations. You don’t want to be happy. You don’t want to […]
I don’t know when all of this started, I just know it keeps getting stronger by the day.
I was never the one to believe that you have to tell others your problems, never thought of mental health as something real, I just thought of it as something you make to yourself, because you are not strong enough, or smart, or pretty enough, a weakness if you will, and I still do.
I didn’t have the baddest of childhoods, nor the best. I was bullied since I was a kid till I finished high school, but I kept going, knowing that something better was waiting for me […]
5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school […]
On the edge of the battlefield
My mind falters
The asperity of self hatred
Bearing down on me
You knew this day would come
A time to pay for what you’ve done
Hopes crushed, dreams lost
In the stain on my hands
My cold pale heart
Buried next to you
The walls of this prison
Built with pain and sorrow
The fantasy revoked
Like my lease on life
It’s time to return
To where I belong
To the darkness that consumes
The emptiness that beckons
The pain that eases
My attempts at life
A joke in their own right
So douse this flame
With the strands of infinity
Hang me out to dry
Soaking in regret
The taste of failure
Fresh on my lips
A web of confusion
Clouding my thoughts
Nothingness closes in
This […]
these last few days have been really weird. the number of times i’ve left my room is in single digits; i can’t seem to bring myself to leave my bed for some reason. still unemployed, still being a failure, still not doing anything, still complaining.
i don’t know what to write, but about 5 minutes ago i was sitting on my window and had a feeling i could do something not very nice so i guess typing whatever is better than that.
“Wanting to die, is a sin”
Our English teacher read that line. I was in shock. I could hear people whispering and laughing. No one seemed to care. How could she say that? How could the author of the book write about that? How do they want people to admit that they have been wanting to die when they are being taught that it is a sin? Telling us that, would only make us wish we were dead already. We have already got the sin, haven’t we? Why wait around and collect more sins by thinking the way we do? Wanting to die isn’t a choice, […]
Ever since school started I haven’t been posting since I barley have time to breathe. I visited the hospital about 2 weeks ago since the headaches and chest pain proceed. The doctor gave me pills for a week and immediately checked my oxygen level thinking it had something to do with my asthma. After we left the hospital my parents gave me shit not only because the doctor said it was nothing but also because I forgot my identity card at home. I’m starting to forget things for some reason and I want it to stop. If I keep on forgetting things I won’t be […]
I look like a spoiled brat keep flinging throwing paper, punching on the table and burst into tears, my mom asked me “What happened? Fill her in.” I said because my TSI reading score is appalling and I cannot pass the TSI reading test. I don’t like the TSI reading test because it keeps bugging me some sesquipedalian to describe a word that’s very long humongous and multisyllabic words I don’t even know like ravenous, sanguine, prominent, upholding, vigilance, … My mom said let settle down, get over it, look on the bright side, and put that test behind me. I gulped down some water […]
Hey, guys! I realized why people reject me. Because I’m a fucking midget. I’m just 5’6, shorter than average white girls. Now I understand my miserable life. Girls don’t want me because I’m too short, these bitches prefer tall and strong guys. How can I make friends with this height? People would laugh at my face. Girls would laugh if I ask them to hang out with me. You see, my life sucks. Elliot Rodger was right, he was short too, and white girls rejected him all time. I’m suffering the same cruelty from women. What can I do? Slit my throat and end my fucking life seem […]
Once there was a glee good boy who had everything he ever wanted a complete family with normal days and a normal life. Until one day his father decided to fuck everything up leaving them without any fucking clue as to where,what,why he did it.
The boy tried to find his father with her mother helping her to move on in the process, but the boy was stuck in time he was in a permanent loop of asking why.
Then came the days we call everyday life for him it was hard and he was trying his best, then one day his drunkard uncle beat him down […]
Nipping at your heels
The nothing that steals
Seething, breathing
I can’t stand this feeling
Manifesting itself, in the hidden shelf
Of your mind
The hellscape in yourself, that you find
Real or not
It’s coming
Ready or fraught
Never whole again
Time stands still
The nothing that you feel
It’s like you’ve been here before
The blackness within
Fruitless battles rival, original sin
It’s so deeply ingrained
You can’t wash away the stain
It feels like you’ve slipped away
You know you’ll never sleep again
I pinch my fat in the mirror and wonder, why? Why is this still here? Why am I not strong enough to stop eating or at least excercise more to get rid of this horrible thing? Many people say I’m “thin,” but they are just saying this. My thighs are thick, my stomach is far from flat, and i can’t stand to wear anything revealing, even in private.
I can’t stand to look at my face in so I try to avoid mirrors. Why is my nose so small, my forehead so big, my eyebrows so light, and my mouth look so weird and stupid, especially […]
it’s been a while since the last time i posted anything here, but right now i feel like i just need to type stuff out.
lots of things have been happening lately, the biggest thing being i moved. i was okay for a while, feeling pretty neutral, which at this point is great. but it’s only been getting worse for some reason, nothing significant has happened. i’ve been feeling very weird these past few days though, i can’t feel anything. it’s like i’m numb for some reason? yesterday i met a youtuber i really admire and i thought i’d be so happy but i didn’t feel […]