Chronic Pain

5

I lied… Why admit it?

  January 10th, 2018 by Urm8451n

I lied to you guys about quitting this site…
I just can’t, you strangers are the only one to talk to.
I’m getting really lonely, and afraid of losing control.
I’m at my second semester, February is going to be the finals (University tests). Last semester I scored 88.5 average which is pretty high. But I promised my mom to score around 95 this semester.

I’m focused on the target…..but at the end of the day, when it gets silent, and I feel like talking, I’ve none to talk to.

I’m a friendly fine looking man, it is not that I don’t …

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3

I don’t know anymore.

  January 8th, 2018 by foreverinevitable18

Hi I’m an 18 year old college student who is going through a lifetime of stress, depression, and anxiety. Depression has always been a factor in my life, for I have been depressed for six years now and find no way out. Although I am a very smart individual and have a great circle of friends who care for me, I have issues with opening up with people. I struggle with telling others of how I truly feel because I believe that they truly wouldn’t care, is it wrong to believe that individuals only care for their self being? I am constantly abusing drugs and …

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5

On the bright side, there’s handicap parking…

  January 4th, 2018 by Cordless


.
The thing about having disability AND depression is…
When my body feels well enough to get out of bed, my mind often doesn’t.
And often when my mind is peaceful and content enough to get up and join the world, my body can hardly make it from one room to the other.

For the body, I have leg braces, canes, walker, wheelchair…
For the mind, I have music (performing & composing), reading, and art.

I’m single and I live alone; if i dont take care of myself, no one else does.

But it’s much easier said than done.

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3

What can I do

  January 3rd, 2018 by crackedheart

I just have no idea what to do anymore. I don’t want to be alive anymore but I can’t kill myself because anytime I think about doing it and how much I just don’t want to be forced to live on this rock, I see my parents and friends faces and how sad they’d be. This always brings a sense of hopelessness, I can’t die, I don’t wanna be here but I have to be so fuck what do I do. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere on this whole world and constantly feel homesick for a place that I’m losing hope I could …

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8

“It might be better not to wish for such a thing”

  December 29th, 2017 by furid

Recently, I got called into the psychologist’s office at my high school for a consultation. One of my teachers told me that she’d been watching over me for two and a half years (I’m halfway through my third year of high school, seventeen and a half years old) and directed me to the office.

I initially had trouble opening up; mostly because of the shock I experienced when I got asked whether there was something wrong. It felt like lightning struck me on a clear sunny day. I was silent and awkward and smiley the first few times. In the past three years, I’ve never shown any …

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0

I want to pull the fucking trigger

  December 27th, 2017 by Urm8451n

that is it. I had enough.
I had enough of this kind of life.
I screwed up a few times. other times I got screw over.
Im fucked up.

I want to be soulless. I want to be with out feelings
I want to be a fucking robot.

I don’t want to communicate. I don’t want to love, to cry, to be mad.

God. If you are out there, when I wake up tomorrow morning, please wake me up feeling less.
Please help me become this hollow shell.

Why would you take away from me so much, without taking my feelings too? …

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2

Shameful and sleepless

  December 25th, 2017 by mthrfckr

I have been alone a large part of my adult life. Ballpark 99% of it. I finally gave up hope of ever finding someone and accepted the fact I’d be alone forever. Then someone came into my life about 15 months ago. After I met her I never saw her again for 5 weeks. This is not when things started to get weird. About 7 month ago I have her a gift, something I had but didn’t need. This is where it got weird. We talked about the gift and how it worked, and I started having feelings for her despite a large age difference. …

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5

Never felt so mentaly naked

  December 24th, 2017 by Urm8451n

I’ve been told by a psychologist, that my “inner sensitive /feeling persona” is being held chained and at a close space inside my mind. He also stated that I’m good at dividing between having this horrible pains due sickness, and between fully functioning at my life and doing the best I can. He explained that my feeling persona gets to the conscious only when it has strength, and that happens when it is mad, or which when I’m mad.

He said that right after the pain stops, I totally repressive it from my consciousness, and I do it for …

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14

I think it’s time

  December 18th, 2017 by soundless scream

I had hoped to recieve a response from anyone that might be able to relate to my feelings of hopelessness or could share their experience as it related to mine. But I didn’t and I guess that’s alright. I figure you come into this horrid world alone, you walk through it alone, and I should expect to exit it the same. I know my husband will be devasted in every way humanely possible when I die because it will be him that most likely will discover my remains. I’m currently trying to figure out where in my home to do this. I’ve decided that I …

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4

I was already bad, and then he died

  December 14th, 2017 by SunshinesBlackhole

So, I first wrote on here in 2013 talking about my budding depression.

I’ve had lifelong issues: chronic illnesses, abusive parents, bullying, many sexual assaults, death of family members, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts.

I wrote in here when I was fourteen. I’m nineteen now, a sophomore at a good college. Decent GPA. I haven’t cut myself in years, I was seeing a therapist, on some helpful medication. I was better, never good, but better.

I had a bad breakup a few months prior. I was getting diagnosed with yet another a new chronic illness. I was estranged from my friend group because of said breakup, and my …

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7

What are you doing Chloé?

  December 12th, 2017 by chloe17

Its 12.30pm on a Tuesday morning, people my age are at work or school doing something meaningful with their lives yet here am I: Lying on my bed with no intention to make today worth it. I don’ t even know how I found the strength to type this. I have a job interview in a couple of hours yet I am wondering if I should go. I feel like doing nothing. Nothing interests me anymore. I have lost my appetite, my eyes are swollen from crying everyday.

2017 was one hell of a year. I graduated from college, I turned 24, got my first car, …

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1

being your illness

  December 12th, 2017 by onemorehour

 

 

i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.

 

i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one …

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4

who am I

  December 12th, 2017 by Drained-Blast

I’ve been around this project for a while but I did never have the energy to post, today’s am feeling bit better and that’s why I grabbed the opportunity to write.

I feel like having a whole population in my head, each person trying to make it theirs, looking from outside I have the best family and a prosperous future, but no one ever asked if I am really happy about it.

my parents ruined my life with their fucking ideal principles, : you should not do this, school before friends, school before hanging out, shcool school school and then school, ok I secured my future but …

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25

phantom pains from forced genital mutilation

  December 10th, 2017 by generic name

I was born in the late 90s in probably the second most liberal area of california.

Before I was even an hour old, my mom had my genitals mutilated. “Everyone does it”, “girls prefer it”, “it was normal then” she said, despite the western US alone having a fucking 30% circumcision rate in the year I was born, and likely that area being somewhere around 3%.

 

Almost nobody else was who wasn’t jewish when I was growing up, funny enough, everyone I wound up becoming close friends with turned out to be circumcised. All but 1 were jewish.

 

In elementary school, they made fun of me for being …

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2

help

  December 4th, 2017 by Lostagain1991

I’m so done with everything. I just went through a fucking school shooting and people want me to be over it all ready. I’m so sad all the time, no one needs me. I have no idea what to do, no one knows that I’m sad and if they do they ignore it.

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2

  December 3rd, 2017 by My Name Is

Everything about me is wrong. Every inch of my skin and hair is messed up and imperfect. Every thought I have is impure and every idea I have is bad. Every drawing I draw is too dark and every note I sing is off pitch. Every word I write isn’t placed right and every song I listen to is written strangely. Every book I read is weird and everything I touch disintegrates. Every person I know sees me as imperfect and wrong. Everything about me is wrong and I know it as well as anyone else who has the misfortune of meeting me or even …

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1

Expectation

  December 3rd, 2017 by My Name Is

I have a 4.2 GPA. I am on the varsity swim team. I am an honors student right now and there’s not a single class that I’m taking that isn’t advanced. I have a good amount of friends and my teachers like me. I live in a good stable family it looks like with two parents that are still together along with a brother and a sister. My family can afford to go to the beach in the summer for the weekend and allow me and my siblings to have out own rooms. I have a seasonal job that paid really good this year and …

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7

How do I make it through?

  December 2nd, 2017 by Urm8451n

Hey, good week everyone.

Hope you guys do well.

This post I’m addressing to any reader with a question :

In the end of the day, you are still alive. How come? How did you make it through?  you are more than welcome sharing to me your secret.

 

I’m a little bit of suicidal now…

So freaking terrored by the idea of not making it through.

I see the following week and I’m disgusted of my life.

It’s going to be a tough time for me.

I never hoped to get this lonely, but here and there, life has brought me here.

Will I make it through, like you do?

Will I one day, stand …

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4

Maybe, I just need to jump… (to my death)

  November 28th, 2017 by Urm8451n

A lot of time has passed since I wrote here.

My last post was about “Tips and good bye”, but I came back.
I’m suffering from abdominal pains each day, and it has become more and more harsh.
I’m trying to study, but I can’t concentrate. Where ever I go, I feel isolated. It is not socialy isolation, it is different. I feel different.
I can’t explain how I’m doing, I can only say I’m cracked, I’m fully torn apart. I’m all alone in this war and I don’t FEEL like I can make it through, I need help, and I HAVE NOWHERE TO GET IT FROM.

I’m a fighter, …

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5

My story if anyone cares

  November 28th, 2017 by Max