That’s just what echoes in my head. People/parents/friends/former didn’t left and that was the saddest part . Remember the day when I used to have panic attack and my parents dragged me to get on my ass. My mom exactly knew when I would shout back and thanks her for conferencing with all my family members(uncle/aunt/grandmother) and just waiting for the moment to trigger me to shout back and say them to leave me alone. Nice team you got with all your saddist/narcissistic friends. Been a looser/pathetic. My soulmate left. Just murmers inside my head. I am left with no purpose atleast I want to […]
Chronic Pain
I feel like I’ve destroyed my life by living unhealthy, being an on and off again alcoholic, doing everything in excess, these things have led to a lot of suffering. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live in extreme pain either. I’ve been able to cure myself before so I’m hope I can again.
My death wish is the only constant thing through my life, bad days, good days, best days, my secret wish is always right here through all of them.
I have conquered most of the challenges that came my way through my 35 years yet my main goal still eludes me due to the knowledge of its consequences to others.
I don’t want to hurt those who care for me but on the other hand I live an unwanted (and empty) life because of them.
Should I estrange myself first? Is it better to be hated, missing, gone or plain dead? And why do I care for the difference, […]
Heute ist der Tag der Tage, dachte ich; vor ein paar Tagen, an meinem Geburtstag; da wollte ich es beenden. Das Leid, das sich durch mein Leben zieht. Hat leider nicht geklappt. Nochmal auf diese Weise werde ich es nicht probieren. Heute wird es drastischer.
Ich denke das ich schon mein ganzes Leben suizidal bin, nur hätte ich es bis vor 9 Jahren nie zugegeben; aus Angst meinen Schöpfer, den ich sehr liebe zu verletzen. Liebe die ich erst für mich finden müsste. Dich dieser Glauben ist passe und ich glaube an keinen anderen Gott als den in mir.
Wie ich in diese Welt […]
hating yourself comes in various shapes and sizes. for some people it’s just hating their acne. i envy those people. i wish i could only hate on my looks. not gonna lie, i’m a decent looking 17 year old girl. i get attention where it’s really not wanted but hey? men trying to grope you and ‘friends’ trying to take advantage of you while drunk is better than nothing right? but with me, i hate my mind. i’m sure a lot of you can relate to that. my mind is a mansion filled with hatred, hostility, venom and apathy. that’s probably where i differ from […]
i’ve spent years building up walls so i wouldn’t be so fucking weak as i used to be. years convincing myself i don’t care about anything. and i really fucking didn’t. anyone could say anything to me and i wouldn’t bat an eyelash. until today. today my ex-bestfriend put me on the verge of a breakdown in front of loads of people. i’ve dealt with so much worse but idk why this time it make my walls come crashing down. fuck you. fuck you for making me realise just how weak i am. fuck you fuck you fuck you. now i remember exactly why i […]
i’m just so unbelievably tired in every sense of the word and i stupidly took a psychology course in college, last year it wasn’t so bad but this year i have to sit in a room with other people learning about issues in mental health. i had my first lesson today and oh my fucking god i felt like i couldn’t breathe the whole time i was on the verge of a break down, i can already tell this is going to be the most triggering year of my life. they all think i’m fucked in the head anyway, i mean you could take one […]
i think sadness is so complex.
when i say i’m sad, what i really mean is
black abyss inside me filled with cigarette ashes, smashed bottles, bloody skin, empty screams and words i can’t say.
does anyone know of any other websites like this one? if you do i’d appreciate it if you could tell me
i’m a confused and lost soul living in a self-destructive and cold body.
since that one event in my life i’ve forced myself to be a cold-hearted and mean-spirited person because i though it was better that way.
destroy relationships before they destroy you
leave before you get left
i’ve burned enough bridges it’s insane i haven’t drowned yet.
everyone uses the phrase ‘fake it till you make it’ for thinks like confidence and happiness,
but that little girl in me used it to become an emotionless void
and now i don’t know how to turn back.
i don’t even know if i can.
I could let myself die, and no one would care or notice.
Ah yes, depression. The thing that’s been haunting me all my life, and just gets worse and worse. There were some points where I would get better for a while. But then I would spiral back into that dreadful state. Crashing harder and further each time. Sometimes I wonder, “when am I finally gonna give up?”
Here’s the thing I’ve never told anyone: I want to die. SO badly…..and it pathetic. It feels like a living hell each second I’m alive. And worst part is, nobody really gives a s***t.
My parents, brothers, and even my extended family quickly dismiss my suicidal ideation. I tell them. […]
today’s been rough. not sure why, honestly, it’s just been a hard day
i’m pretty frustrated with myself; kinda want attention but also i don’t want to inconvenience people by asking for it. eh, i don’t know
rough couple of days
If you need a friend and have nobody, follow me on IG and we can be each others friend. I’m lonely and been in a dark place. I’m losing so many friends.
*I accept all follow requests, just DM me after so I know this website is the reason for the add*
riley_with_a_d
Somewhere out in the universe I’m a TV show. Nobody wishes to be me, and everyone enjoys laughing instead.
My life is all a joke. Tell me it’s not cosmic, divine intervention that made me a kid who hates affection, just to make me a stupid, unhuggable fuck of an adult that’s born on fucking Valentine’s Day.
Tell me it wasn’t all part of the plan to make my dad charming and wildly successful, all while my stupid ugly ass is drowning and trying to read up on how to swim.
Tell me that my existence, the constant struggle to find […]
it’s all just getting worse. it’s been a downhill spiral for so many years.
every single time i think something’s going to get better, even just a little bit, i’m slapped in the face and things get worse. it doesn’t matter if i hope a little or a lot for things to get better, or if it seems like there’s a way out – i try to take that way and i only fall further downhill.
i can’t afford to live. no one will hire me. i can’t do physical jobs because of my disability, i can’t handle college, i’m too mentally ill for most jobs, i’ve […]
Over the years I’ve worked very hard to fix what I thought was causing my problems in life. I’ve moved into better and higher paying jobs, I’ve acquired more money and found better and more comfortable places to live, and I’ve endeavoured to reset my relationships with other people to the point where I limit my interactions with those who do not make me feel good about myself.
However, the problem is always there and never goes away no matter what I do. No matter how much I am able to make my life better, I cannot get rid of the intense feelings of unhappiness and […]
I am 28 years old and I live in Los Angeles. I have PTSD that causes me to have a breathing problem. I have been through so much despair that I unwillingly hold my breathe when ever I am around people. Every one and I mean EVERYONE talks about like I am stupid ,they gossip right infront of me and they don’t even whisper.
They are basically Brittney Spearing me. My breathing problem is not being able to fully breathe in or fully breathing out. I work as a courier in DTLA and I am always being himulated . My breathing […]
I’ve never believed I’d make it past 21. I was convinced I’d get a slight feeling of autonomy and take the opportunity to end everything, and yet i’m 26 and still falling into the same trap. 4 suicide Attempts since age 11. Each one interrupted before things started. Then I turn 20. While laying on the railway, I find goals to acheive, I move out, I build myself up financially, and now 5 years later, I’ve acheived my goals, and along the way I meet who would be my best friend and soon to be wife. And I come to realize that I’ve never been […]
My childhood was nothing but trauma. My teen years were the same. I’m almost 21, and all I’ve had to look back on is wasted years, trauma, and grief. My disability prevented me from enjoying even the decent years.
The worst part is that I’m still experiencing trauma. I’m not even free from my abusive family.
I wonder if I ever will be free from here while I’m still alive.