Category:

Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

Collecting Dust

by Melon_Lord 2/7/2023

written by Melon_Lord

It bothers me that nobody really mentions the empty part of depression. I’m talking about the times where there’s not actually anything wrong, nothing is happening but at the same time I feel so depressed it physically hurts my heart.
It’s so silly though. To think that something simple like brushing my teeth or putting on socks seems like such a daunting task. Everything feels so heavy all at once but at the same time, I can’t feel anything.
It’s embarrassing too.
I try keep it under control, but there are times where I’ll go five or more days straight without showering just because […]

2/7/2023 3 comments

i cant really take everything anymore..

by the_other_side 2/6/2023

written by the_other_side

i want it all to end, but i cant. i swore i would help someone with some feelings, but its getting hard to keep mine in check. she does help me, alot, but i cant take it anymore. i feel torn. i need to help her, but i also need to help myself. i wake up and feel a mix of anxiety, depression, and determination. i hate myself, and i want all of these feelings to end. i keep remembering some things that have happened to me…. but then i get a text from her saying “are you okay?” these little things help me; it […]

2/6/2023 3 comments

I’m So Tired

by AlwaysMauli 2/5/2023

written by AlwaysMauli

I guess if i told the people around me that I’m depressed and suicidal, they would say I’m too young to know what that means. I no longer have a backup plan, for the method I dreamed so longingly about found its way to be as torturous as life. Yeah, I’ve done my research.
Things used to be easier when I didn’t have someone to disappoint. And then my stupid ass decided to fall in love, and I basically tell him everything. We’re dating? Fun. Half the time I feel guilty for lying to my parents about him and the other half is spent feeling […]

2/5/2023 5 comments

Why didn’t they treat me like friends

by mialost 2/5/2023

written by mialost

Just started the new school year and most of my friends weren’t treating me like one. They’d say no to hanging out, no to anything they shut down all conversation I tried to make. This went on for the first week and I dumped then all

I feel horrible. I don’t think I did anything that bad to all of them

And it’s not like they were in a bad mood they were friendly and shit to each other

I’ve known them all since like primary..nfjcnxmxmxmxnslssk.

2/5/2023 1 comment

Heavy stones

by Melon_Lord 1/26/2023

written by Melon_Lord

Tomorrow is my seventeenth birthday. Technically it’s in 1 hour, 23 minutes, and 7 seconds.

I should be happy, grateful even.
I don’t really know if I am allowed to be underwhelmed, but that’s the truth.
I feel so selfish for not wanting to celebrate or do much. I’m not trying to, but in reality I’ll just end up ruining it for everybody. My heart is as heavy as stones, and it’s dragging people down with me.
What a bummer, I know.

1/26/2023 3 comments

Fools Paradise

by Melon_Lord 1/25/2023

written by Melon_Lord

I wish the world was prettier than it actually is.
I feel so extinguished and saddened because I wish, I just wish I was in a different universe than this.
One that isn’t filled with so much rage and aggression and anguish and despair and horrible awful miserable devastation and loneliness.
I long for a world that is liberating. A place full of color and beauty, dreamers, adventure, peace, kindness, and simple joy from the sheer kiss of freedom.
A world without the constricting pressure of society and the absurdity of our social network. I wish this world weren’t so judgmental, so hateful, […]

1/25/2023 3 comments

Read this when your sad

by butto_love 1/21/2023

written by butto_love

Let it go. Go ahead. You don’t deserve what’s happening to you but that doesn’t mean you should stop being nice. You can find joy in spreading it to others, and while some may find it fun to bring you down, it slowly destroys their soul. I don’t have anyone to tell my feelings to. Talk with your consciousness. It’s okay, Trust this struggle is part of the process. And trust that as long as you don’t give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem… you will make it.

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that […]

1/21/2023 0 comment

Dear God

by butto_love 1/21/2023

written by butto_love

I get attached easily and I hold on to things tightly so please don’t let my mind want things that I can’t handle dont let my mind trick me into wanting things I don’t need or things that are not good for me, please don’t let my heart miss people who don’t miss me. Don’t let my heart long for the ones who left. Don’t let my heart fall in love with someone who doesn’t want to stay.

I know you’re plan is un, known but until you reveal it to me. PLEASE make it easier. Don’t let me hold on to what I need to […]

1/21/2023 0 comment

Self Made Misery

by Melon_Lord 1/18/2023

written by Melon_Lord

Recently I’ve accepted and begun to better understand that the road to recovery has ups and downs, but relapses suck. Like, really, really suck.

I was having a terrible day. The worst one I’d had in a while, and that’s saying something. I guess I got overwhelmed with the assignment in front of me so I decided to go to the bathroom and just as I arrived, the old friends I used to do things with practically materialized out of thin air like an awful calling card.

Now, i’m a fairly neutral person. I don’t make very many friends, but I don’t make enemies either. Needless to […]

1/18/2023 2 comments

Maintaining My Mental

by Itscolourlife 1/16/2023

written by Itscolourlife

trying to maintain my mental health thru someone
someone that love me and know my story
weve been together since 2010
from a friend to best friend to love
from cheerful to depressed version

started to
loving myself
grooming myself
looking into the bright side
trying to be better

but i
afraid to be in relationship
relationship is a frail thing
break like a glass
cant be forever

and what makes me scared the most
what if i dont love him back
what if he develop depression too
what if i fail you?

just like today
when my parents trying to take the mental health stability i earned and […]

1/16/2023 1 comment

Is it worth it?

by savaiina 1/16/2023

written by savaiina

lately every time i take a step forward, something throws me back 3 steps. [background; long story short, my father killed himself when i was 5, i blamed myself, mother got into an abusive relationship and got on drugs. when i was 11 i moved with my aunt, (somehow got even worse) ive had drugs pushed on me the whole time here, lots of drinking and fighting, lying to police, etc.,, i was treated like a slave and belittled by my cousins for 4 years. so so much more that i cant even begin to explain.] The first time i tried to kill myself was […]

1/16/2023 2 comments

Dear family…

by Miss.Mikii 1/13/2023

written by Miss.Mikii

Dear mom; I wish you could see what was really going on with me, i wish you could see the truth on what is wrong with me… I wish you knew that you’re the reason I’m like this, I didn’t want to be like this… you have made me feel as if i was just a big problem in your life… I’m sorry for being born.

Dear Dad; I love you dad so much you treat me better than mom but… why… why do you have to make me and my sister unconfutable? you shouldn’t be sneaking pictures of us and not tells us why… “Cheese”…. […]

1/13/2023 0 comment

Birthday Dread

by Melon_Lord 1/1/2023

written by Melon_Lord

My birthday is coming up soon. I’ll be seventeen, but I don’t feel excited like I’m supposed to. I honestly don’t feel much at all. My big brother left recently for the military, We don’t have family here except my cousins who, mind you, aren’t blood related. I love them, but it’s not the same.

It’s just me and my parents.
I don’t mind really, but at the same time, I feel jealous when I see the kids who get to go out, or throw big parties, or do things without a care in the world.
My best friend tells me about […]

1/1/2023 0 comment

My own box of lie

by Itscolourlife 12/31/2022

written by Itscolourlife

I thought telling myself im getting better
Telling you im getting better
Will actually make me feel better
But its not
Its just makes me feel lonelier more than before
Trapped in my box of lie coating with happiness
Im so sorry i choose to left this way
But even if i ask and scream for help
You wont help me
You wont be here
Only my smile and cheerful side makes you happy
Makes you closer
Guess everyone loves the sunshine
But forget about the rain in the same sky

12/31/2022 0 comment

I love you

by angelskindoll 12/29/2022

written by angelskindoll

this was a draft i wrote when i first joined and didnt post. I think it’s still true now. Everyone is feeling much more distant though. It’s my own fault.

I love you, some days
Some days I wake up so full of love but just as dysfunctional.

I want to tell everyone I let persuade might actually like me that I love them and to thank them for being there for me all these years through my computer screen. I love them so much. Thank you for being here. I don’t deserve it but thank you.

On these days I feel like I could almost do anything […]

12/29/2022 0 comment

It’s either me or her

by freakinLadybird 12/23/2022

written by freakinLadybird 3 mins read

Since I was 10, my birthday wish has remained the same. All I wish for is for mother to die. Overtime, I noticed that it is quite hard for her to die. She is darn healthy all the time, even COVID did nothing to her.

She loves to draw her own conclusion without being informed. She said she knew I didn’t want to pursue my studies. For real, what does she know. Does she know how many nights I spent crying and feeling that I am useless, failing at every attempt I do? Does she know that my social anxiety is so severe that I hyperventilate […]

12/23/2022 0 comment

I’m not okay with this.

by Virus.Found 12/14/2022

written by Virus.Found

Living with BPD sucks donkeyb@lls. I was doing okay, somewhat good even. I worked hard on this. Worked hard on healing. Then I have a problem that I go deeply into with my friend and I point out, that she’s just shrugging it off. How maddening, like I don’t have enough problems. Then she’s trying to pull focus on herself “Why do you always assume this and that about me”. Excuse me.?! I’m dying inside and she’s pretending that it’s okay to be a half-assed friend at this moment. Then she makes up a reason to get out of the conversation. If she doesn’t come […]

12/14/2022 2 comments

Over jealous

by Melon_Lord 12/12/2022

written by Melon_Lord

It had been such a good day. For once, it was good.
He and I were texting like we do every day, and then it all came to a screeching halt the minute he told me how some random girl, “about early 20’s” came up to him, said something about how she needed to get rid of the flowers she was holding, gave them to him and left. And he was in awe.
It was all he could talk about, was a stupid girl and her flowers. (Emphasis on the stupid part.)
He texted me, telling me all about it. How she just got in […]

12/12/2022 7 comments

HELP: Should i go to my friend wedding party with my condition?

by Itscolourlife 12/7/2022

written by Itscolourlife

Hey hello you there.. if you see this post may you keep reading.. i really need your help.. SO

There will be a wedding party around 2 weeks from now. The groom is one my best friend and the bride is a fake friend/ a witch/idk what i should called her. As you guys know im battling my depression for 2-3 years and i just getting better this month, struggling by myself without medical, parents, or friends help.

Now i am fatter like 10kg more than before. Ive been locking myself all these years and doesnt want to meet my friends. One of the reason why […]

12/7/2022 5 comments

Gratitude is overrated

by niki 11/23/2022

written by niki

Gratitude is overrated, like many other optimistic/positive-thinking advices. Not everybody can do that. It’s unrealistic, and honestly full of BS (bullshit)

Gratitude has become today’s current hype which everyone seems to be doing, and even keep posting about it constantly on social media. Everywhere you see people always talk about gratitude (& with all other optimistic/positive stuff usually).

It becomes irritating however when gratitude is forced and shoved down our throats, as if everyone should (or must) do that. In reality, you can’t just force other people to keep showing gratitude constantly. Things happened, shits happened; problems, pain, & sufferings happen to some people, which is ridiculous […]

11/23/2022 0 comment

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