Category:

Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

brain junk

by plasticflower 5/22/2017

written by plasticflower

words won’t come out.
talking and expressing anything seems like too much work, or like something too complicated that i can’t figure out.
and when i do try to reach out and open up to others, it always goes wrong. i try telling someone about the panic attack i had, and they assume i’m lying and then proceed to tell me i’m not trying hard enough, and that only makes everything harder for everyone. they tell me to try harder.
i thought i was trying my best. and i was. but it seems like, once again, my best wasn’t enough.
i tried to open up, […]

5/22/2017 2 comments

I want to disappear

by AJ 5/22/2017

written by AJ

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t feel anything anymore and I can’t stop crying.

I’ve started cutting again.

I’ve started drinking again.

And attempting to throw up my food.

It’s all come back so fast it feels like the world is crashing down on me and I can’t take it.

I need everything to just stop for a few days. College, the future, Time , Life.

I just need to disappear and I fear if I don’t find a way then I’ll just kill myself.

I’m so fucking tired I just cant do this anymore.

I give up.

5/22/2017 2 comments

my worth is in the comments

by Milestiba 5/22/2017

written by Milestiba

I am so stupid. All my life, I have measured my worth on the comments. Now, with social media, it is exemplified.

And I am a blood sucking parasite. I suck the life out of those who show me any attention. I can’t help myself. It is an addictive compulsion.

They tell me it is explained as Borderline Personality Disorder, but I call it torture. Both for me and the other person. The world would be better off without me.

Where can I find the resolve to finally commit suicide? The pain is all-consuming… overpowering… causing constant despair.

5/22/2017 9 comments

I can’t do this.

by Velveteen Human 5/21/2017

written by Velveteen Human

I woke up feeling okay. It lasted less than an hour. She is expert in bringing me from okay to suicidal in two seconds flat.

First it’s guilting me about the puppy, then it was crazy-making behavior that made my head spin trying to keep up… and now it’s her friend whom she invited to the birthday party she planned for me without asking me, is now going to be here early… which means I’ll have to wolf down dinner and not be able to digest it peacefully, which means my ulcer and gallbladder will be miserable all night… but who cares, as long as it […]

5/21/2017 8 comments

I should be the one who died…

by andriealthomas 5/21/2017

written by andriealthomas

There are five of us. im the middle child, i have an older sister, an older brother, a younger sister, and a younger brother. our age difference wasnt that much either, so we’re more likely to hang out as friends. our relationships are so close even our friends are jealous of us. we’re like bestfriends because we can talk about almost everything together. mom and dad always loved it when all five of us gather, and hang out and joke around. we were so perfect.
But out of five of us, im the one whos different. theres just someting wrong with me. plus me being […]

5/21/2017 1 comment

Out of sight Out of mind

by Baked13 5/21/2017

written by Baked13

It’s funny how the people you were closest to can forgot you so fast, move on like you were never here.

It’s somewhat comforting at the same time because I now know that when I leave, I’ll be forgotten just as fast.

I think about him everyday. He left me broken.

5/21/2017 4 comments

Trapped and tortured but “only temporarily”

by Velveteen Human 5/20/2017

written by Velveteen Human

I seriously wonder how I can make it another two and a half months here. Today it feels like a new ulcer ripped open in my stomach. She went to a friend’s wedding (must be nice), leaving me here with the puppy all day, and it’s driving me fucking insane. I can’t color or draw because it keeps jumping on me and would mess it up, can’t read because it keeps whining and being so distracting I can’t focus… so basically any distracting and soothing activities are impossible. Let alone trying to be productive, like starting to go through my stuff to prepare for the move. […]

5/20/2017 3 comments

What does a nonperson need with privacy or peace?

by Velveteen Human 5/20/2017

written by Velveteen Human

My birthday was two days ago. It’s a day I feel should be mourned rather than celebrated. So it’s just as well that it passed with only Her giving me a small cake, balloons, fake flowers, and two small gifts. And that horrible song. So awkward. But at least there wasn’t some pitiful attempt at a “celebration.” I literally have zero friends, and my aunt who is absolutely insane and emotionally abusive to me all my life was out-of-state, so I thought I got off easy.

This morning I was grateful that I was feeling okayish so far. I could tolerate existing, for the time being. […]

5/20/2017 2 comments

What is reality?

by Alfred1688 5/19/2017

written by Alfred1688

As we try to survive in this world we live in

We seek out meaning for the life that was given

Some search for it their entire youth

Yet little find it or see the truth

Majority give up when all hope is lost

Others are consumed by the lies they came across

We all believe it gets better after it gets worse

But those words do not apply on this curse

Even if we tried to satisfy every need

There is no cure for one’s greed

It destroys us like a cancer

5/19/2017 2 comments

relate? No. Not really.

by _lost._.one_ 5/19/2017

written by _lost._.one_

Why do we fear death, why do we fear the thing that will come for us all one day? Love and hate are intertwined with death, and when it grips you all emotion is lost as you flow into the interstellar’s of death. Soul and mind are empty and all thoughts are heavy. Death is powerful, wooing you into an insatiable thirst for life; for knowledge.

I wish that it was easier to love and to hate, I wish saying goodbye didn’t always mean forever; especially not in death. To be rid of all woo and worry, to be freed of any trouble; the ultimate […]

5/19/2017 3 comments

Desire to be pregnant

by BlueDiamond 5/18/2017

written by BlueDiamond

I haven’t been on here for a while because of work. My back sore from sweeping soil and my feet are forming blisters. Last night, I had a dream that I had two sons. Hopefully this is a prophecy, but highly not. I will never get my ducks in a row. Besides, I know people have hinted that I shouldn’t have kids. I can tell if I brought them into this world, people will be ready to tear them apart. I know they want me gone, they’re too much of a ***** to admit it.

I sometimes get baby fever. It can also get bad when […]

5/18/2017 6 comments

january 27 – 11:47PM

by suicidalkitty 5/18/2017

written by suicidalkitty

I always give too much

To a friend or to a lover and i cant seem to understand why my giving is never equal to what i receive and i have never felt the kind of happiness i see in their eyes on mine when i am being returned the favor

They seem happier than me and believe me that lights me up completely but i dont know if ive ever heard a thank you or a slight gratitude and that saddens me so that my heart fills with ocean waves like being trapped in a bottle longing the shore, can you imagine how painful that […]

5/18/2017 3 comments

I don’t know

by lilyv943 5/17/2017

written by lilyv943

Seriously, why do I even try?

All she cares about is him. As long as he’s in her life, she doesn’t care about me even though I’ve been here for her this entire time. But, I guess it’s hard to care for something you can’t see..

She’s all I’ve ever known. The love of a mother or a father was always scarce to me, so of course I began to grow closer to her since she basically gave me that feeling I’ve been missing out on. But, I have to face it that I was only her income. Only ever everyone’s income. She doesn’t care and I have […]

5/17/2017 1 comment

so tired

by skullcat 5/17/2017

written by skullcat

To be quite honest I don’t know why I’m so tired. Exam week is over and I should be feeling relieved but I just feel as if I’m drained completely of energy. I can still function properly and all that in public but its getting harder and harder and I don’t know why. There’s this weight just hanging on me and I can’t concentrate on any of my school work at home or school.

My parents and friends haven’t noticed anything different about me so beginning to think that maybe its just all in my head and there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t feel comfortable […]

5/17/2017 0 comment

Blame the Victim

by Velveteen Human 5/12/2017

written by Velveteen Human

My first post here…

I just made the mistake of telling my aunt how I feel about my mother’s insidious psychological abuse (without calling it that), and her responses were, “You know better,” and “It’s not all her fault, you let her do it to you.”

I was already feeling crushed by the weight of my aloneness, being completely trapped and literally having not a single friend to talk to about it. So this was kind of exactly the last thing I freaking needed to hear. I should have known better but when she called and asked how I was doing… lol nope, won’t make that mistake again! […]

5/12/2017 12 comments

I think I’ve figured it out

by matchaffee 5/9/2017

written by matchaffee

someone here asked me what made me who I am right now. I am that type of person that has the worst case of remembering parts of my life. So, to be honest… I couldn’t remember. I’d like to think that my brain is telling me something for trying to suppress my memories.

I tried hard to figure out why am I like this. I looked through old pictures and I’ve stumbled upon a graduation picture from middle school. My heart broke when I saw myself. I was the kid that did well, I even got the chance to address a speech on graduation day. I […]

5/9/2017 1 comment

I need help

by peachmuffin143 5/8/2017

written by peachmuffin143

I was a bit sceptical about this site at first. Then I read every post and thought to myself that I’m not alone. I was desperate to fix everything. I was hurt to see others hurt. I tried my best to help them and in the mean time I struggle with own troubles. I HATE to say this…but I HATE that particular person. And I HATE myself for hating her. I hate that I have to admit that I’m weak….I’m insecure. I hate everything. I live for years coping with anxiety and depression.

I met with several counsellors in my life. Now I’m 20 years old […]

5/8/2017 8 comments

broke down and cried..

by death bunny 5/5/2017

written by death bunny

my kid was taking his afternoon nap, my girlfriend was smoking outside, and this gut clenching feeling came to me as so often. only this time i went to the bedroom, got my pillow and went to my study, dropped the pillow on the floor and laid my head on it. and then i exploded. this scenario might sound odd, but if you’re living in circles like me, sometimes you have to do odd things to break them, so i just learned.

back when i got my diagnosis, depression’s all i had. before my kid was born, and before i met my girlfriend. back then i […]

5/5/2017 2 comments

I seen it happen

by augusttwentysixteen 5/1/2017

written by augusttwentysixteen

PLEASE READ…

I know my own little segment I am about to write may be pointless to most people, but I want to share my story to some people. To all those people, learning how to tie a noose, or learning what you can drink to die faster, or even learning the best pill to take to end your life, please don’t. As a child of suicide, I’ve come to realize how goddamn pointless other people’s pleas to not end your life can be. I mean, I tried to end my life a total of 10 or 11 times, I really stopped keeping track after the […]

5/1/2017 1 comment

chapters

by Addiictivetragedy 5/1/2017

written by Addiictivetragedy

Ever since I was a little girl I always asked questions about my little sister.. The sister my mother gave up for adoption. Our mother was a drug addict who chose men over her kids and is STILL continues doing drugs. my life was very rough but I was always the type to wish for a happily ever after… So I made excuses after excuses for my mom. She got pregnant not to long after she gave my sister up for adoption but abused pills which led to a stillborn.. My other baby sister Seirra (May she Rest with the angels) … My mother then […]

5/1/2017 8 comments

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