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Coping SkillsGeneralI Will SurviveStories of Hope

Crossroad or (Divine) Intervention

by sequesther314
written by sequesther314

I swear I had all the preparations done. Everything was in place. The method, the suicide letters to my family and friend, the timing.

Out of the blue I receive a message from the other side of the world. A 30-minute conversation has thrown my suicidal ideations out of the realm of “must” and into the chaotic reality of “should” and “can”.

I thought I had found my way out of the wilderness into the dark. Suddenly there’s a light. An unavoidable brightness lighting the path of a monster (me) that was blind to all else for too long.

Am I imagining this? Is my mind/body fighting so desperately to preserve itself at the end that I am now suddenly questioning my determined end?

The countdown’s on…4 3 2 1

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General

I could not reach Tel-Aviv

by Yikrens
written by Yikrens

I mannaged to be in two weeks more than 6 time affiliated on my case with the Intensive Care Unit, the Ambulance, the Police.

So, I won’t turn to be a warmogger  in Israel, Syria, Lebanon, Westjordan etc.

But I would have liked to. Instead, I increased my Experiences in Substances to 90 different upon 70+ are Drugs. The lastest was very hideous to counter and could have had killed me easily or turning me disablied.

I count unwillingly that I’ll be one day very disabled by my actions, so I need to clarify that such a Life in my Imagination should not be kept alive. I hope still to die.

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General

What’s your story?

by eternaldarkness
written by eternaldarkness

Why are you depressed?

Me:
Childhood abuse and trauma
Adult Life not working out – no friends, no job, health issues, loneliness.

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Chronic PainGeneralPoetry & ArtRants

I like Blood

by Unsheard
written by Unsheard

I like the feeling of it running across my skin.
I like the deep rich color.
I like the scars that it leaves behind, the look, the feel.
I like the stains it leaves.
I like the pain it brings.
I like everything about it.
But I hate myself because of everything I do to see it

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General

itching

by IrrationalLion
written by IrrationalLion

Suicide is heavy on my mind and all I want to do is slit my skin until the internal pain is gone.

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General

by Never Was
written by Never Was

i cant do this any longer turn it off im done

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General

I’m Trying

by It'll Be Ok
written by It'll Be Ok


i try my hardest everyday to see the light. but some days its so dark, its like a black hole. just eating all the light that comes any wheres near it. but i still try even though i see it as pointless. like im in a well clawing and digging hoping to grab a hold of anything to pull myself up. but it seems all i have to hold on to is the lighter side of my mood/personality disorder. its nothing more than a little twig. not the strong root that i need to hold me. i need to find something stronger before i fall. before it really is too late.

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General

I just don’t want to anymore…

by Why Am I Here
written by Why Am I Here

No, my life isn’t hard I have rich parents mom and stepdad two step-siblings both younger than me, I have a laptop phone and go to a rich school, my grades are decent with the lowest being a C in PE, although my parents emotionally abuse me and constantly tell me Ill never amount to anything in my life, I still don’t have it bad as others do and I keep telling my self that, but it isn’t working I haven’t felt anything since my mom got full custody from my dad probably and it all started there and my emotions never quite came back I always react the way I should but I don’t feel it same as with my Boyfriend, my life is fine nothing is wrong yet im searching up how to kill myself at 1 in the morning, its just annoying to live I see no point I see right through everyone I see right through my future the worst and the best I’ll never be able to feel happy so there’s no point I dont care anymore I tried making myself but It never quit works so I dont know If ill still be alive after high school Im too lazy to try and find out Iv been told my whole life that life after high school is hard and I just dont want to anymore I littartly want to die because I never wanted to live to begin with I want to feel agian but nothing works Iv tryied a lot of things if your still reading this you have a long attetion span

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GeneralRants

I wish I could just disappear

by Peraspera
written by Peraspera

Things are going kind of fine but something seems off, maybe it’s myself, maybe it’s the people around me, whatever it is, it’s draining my soul and my will to live I just don’t even know how I’m continuing to live, I just want to go away and make things better but I can’t. 

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Coping SkillsGeneralRants

Letter in a bottle.

by Silversilvers
written by Silversilvers

Can I ask you a question? What the fuck? 

You started this whole dramatic chain of events that completely threw my entire world out of balance. Of course like the Piscean that I am, I sat here and mentally dissected the entirety of what happened and I’m even more confused. 

You claimed  that I was the most amazing person that you know. “I have always been in love with you” and “you’re perfect” were just some amongst the gallons of word vomit regurgitated at me on a daily basis. 

Everyone likes compliments. Maybe I kept you around to hear them. I don’t know. But anyways. 

My reasons for not giving you a chance were simply because I was never interested. No games. I was always honest. Realistically you made no true tries to really get with me other than just telling me how wonderful I am. One can only hear so much flattery before they tire of it. 

And yet, this last attempt of yours worked in some form or another. For once, I allowed myself to want you back. 

Now this is the part in all the Spanish soap operas where after all the heartache and struggles, the happy ever after finally happens. The white doves start flapping and someone starts crying, the rice gets thrown everywhere and finally, a white wedding. But the universe does not work that way, at least for me. 

You decide to not want me… 

 

What the hell are you looking for then?? If I was your version of perfection, then what happened!? What was all of this for? Were you bored?? 

I’ve always had a problem with not knowing what someone was thinking. It bothers me that humans never say what we really mean and I always get in trouble for saying too much. I know. It’s messed up. 

And of course my brain starts to swim and make up excuses for you. “Maybe he doesn’t consider himself worthy” or “Maybe he doesn’t want me to put my career on hold.” 

Don’t judge my ocean of thoughts. I’ve stated previously that I’m unstable. 

But why?? Why make me hurt like this? We could have simply stayed as we were and left things be! 

I’m never going to get the answers that I want because you never tell me what’s really in your heart. I know you well enough to see that you’ve always hidden a part of yourself from me. It’s sad but I would have accepted you in any from. I’m far from perfect. I’m a sea monster.  I would have eaten your demons for snacks if you would have given us a chance. 

Maybe that was the problem? You finally saw me for what I really am. Did I scare you? 

Guess you weren’t worthy after all. 

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General

by XJGH96
written by XJGH96

I should just do it already. I hate waking up. I hate interacting with others. Im just being used and abused daily and its not possible to make it stop unless im dead. I wish you werent here so my life could be good. Stop making others do things for you. do it yourself.

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General

by WITHINtheShadows
written by WITHINtheShadows

Life dont change. It cheats you. Surprise, surprise…

I’m back here !

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Fun & InterestingGeneral

Reality

by JudgeMeNot
written by JudgeMeNot

 I envy mass shooters. When I say Mass, not talking about 2 or 3 deaths. That’s fucking annoying and where I live my country overreacts when it comes to public shooting.
Despite how sad it maybe to some people the news media loves the coverage keeps them in business.

“Mass” shooters are special in ways that I’m fascinated with. They cross the line of Man made restrictions. (Law/Human morals) they are a perfect representation of what this disgusting Humanity really represents. We are truly barbaric always have, always will.

I see people on news after the shooting and they act all surprised and shocked and just shake my head at them. They dont want to accept that mental illness plays a role. We can’t measure insanity or treat it. Things like this will happen. Taking guns away wont work, adding more cops wont work, you cant stop people from waking up one morning and becoming the next head line.

Take note*
Always expect the unexpected.
Everyone’s action is unpredictable especially the unexpected.

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Chronic PainCoping SkillsGeneralStories of HopeSuicidal Survivors

happy to be here

by shaolan
written by shaolan

I’m so happy.
Not about my life, nor that I found reasons to live longer now.
I’m just so happy and so proud about most of you.
I was so afraid sometimes that I wouldn’t find anyone among the commoners that think like me. I didn’t meet anyone, among 1 thousand people I might have met in my life until now, among friends, friends of friends, dating apps/websites, co-students, forums, … that actually thought like me or at least understand my suffering and how lonely I feel. How deeps is the abyss of my soul. Which result by having to fight every day, at least once a day against someone who actually does say something hurting to me or at least not thoughtful. The only people thinking like me were heroes of literature and so maybe I guess some parts of the personality of those authors.
Now I know.
Now I know that some of you, among those 7 billions people are actually kind.Who knows what true suffering means. And right now I’m full of tears. That much because it gives me so much feelings at once, so much proud, so much happiness, so much empathy, so much deep sadness,…
I’m full of tears while contemplating the abyss from the edge where I’m standing. The abyss of your sadness, of mine, of your souls. You are not empty. Or yes you are but in a beautiful way. A way that most human will never understand.
I’m re-assured now that I know. I can leave this world peacefully. Even if most of you will choose to end your lives, I know that some of you will have this beautiful sadness, empathy, … maybe it will be the seeds to reset this dying world. I hope that much for you. For all of you.
Nevertheless, I don’t envy you. I won’t be capable to maintain this facade, this sharade of life I’m living a year more. It’s just too much energy that I don’t have anymore. I will maybe explain in other posts some of those aspects because you, even if you don’t care, need one proof more. A proof that some people can get over it, and some just can’t.

I’m about to say something I really don’t want to say the way way I’m going to. I just don’t find any other ways to say it, plus the fact that we actually don’t do it the way we should.
Don’t ever be ashamed of this. All of this. All of these feelings. This is something beautiful, something true. Something that nobody besides some like us, can truly understand. Not because it’s madness or anything alike. Because it’s just smarter, deeper,… because this is what being human truly means…
Even if we wouldn’t agree on a lot of life’s principles maybe, even if you voted for dictators or Trumps alike, even if you have killed someone or anything alike, even if some of you have dark thoughts about hurting people, I don’t care. I really don’t. Because you have this tiny piece in you. This tiny dust that makes you maybe more human than most of the people. Don’t ever, even in death, even while you are killing yourself, ever ever loose it, please. If I can only ask one thing of you all, just do that for me please.

Thank you for the author of this website. I would have loved to be the founder of this. I would have loved to help to its development. This is truly a beautiful project for so many points.

Thank you all just for existing the way you do and some of you for what you do.

credits to Mimi N. look for it on patreon.
Credits to the artist Mimi N.

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General

Is changing ok?

by It'll Be Ok
written by It'll Be Ok

Advice? Ive always had a strong stance towards change. I never wanted someone to change because of me. Its my problem not yours. You shouldnt have to change who you are because of me. Is mental illness different? Lately ive been thinking about leaving my husband because we are 2 different people. Where as my temper gets set off because someone decided to “step on my toes” his will get set off by the stupidest little things like someone walked out in front of him. I understand why. He explained it to me. But i grew up being yelled at and now when theres anger around me even when i know igs not directed at me it can upset me. Example. One day in gr4 someone in class did something (i remember what it was i jist feel its not important to the story) we had to stay in everyday until someone admitted to doing it. And everyday the teacher raised her voice. And i would put my head on my desk and cry. I didnt do anything. The teacher even said that to everyone who didnt do it she was sorry but i still cried. Hes offered to change his anger. And he is trying. But ive never ever wanted someone to change because of me. Is it ok to allow someone to change because you are mentally broken? Thats your problem not theirs.

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General

Without Hope. Without Witness. Without Reward.

by sequesther314
written by sequesther314

At the moment of catastrophe, at the threshold of certain death, this is when we confess our sins.

I called the BS National Suicide Prevention hotline. What a joke and then some. A waste of breath and time and hope. I’m glad in a way that this forum exists so those of us who are not kidding around with how serious life and death are can speak our minds and leave a little piece of ourselves behind without judgement.

I have been planning my suicide for 9 months. Well, my entire sentient conscientious life anyway. But now it comes to it and I’m terrified. There I said it. I’m so scared of the nothing that awaits me.

But I’m more terrified of all the things I’ll do if I remain alive. Hurting my family. Hurting my friend. Yes…I only have one true friend and she doesn’t have a clue what I’m about to do. My family — both my parents and my one sister — have no idea. Because for NINE WHOLE MONTHS I’ve been bald faced lying to them. That I had a good job and everything was fine.

At 48 years of age, I’ve been fired from every single job I had since 2010. I’m mental. But I also know everyone is mental…how else can one survive?

In less than 48 hours I will cease to exist. And it is here at the end that finally there will be no more lies. No more denial. No more depravity. I will only have the ugly truth of my wasteful existence to tell through my death. Without hope. Without witness. Without reward.

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General

Hopeless

by everythingsuckss
written by everythingsuckss

im 22 years old and have no hopes or aspirations of the future. I have no faith in my abilities to be responsible, to make friends, or to be a normal functioning person. I wake up in the morning and cry because I have no real people that value me in my life. My family has never given a shit about me. And all of my “friends” only show the definition of FAKE LOVE. I don’t know what to do. Don’t know where to start. Have no hobbies or anything that makes me happy. Should I just die?

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General

How would you like to die?

by eternaldarkness
written by eternaldarkness

Me: By lightning. It’s quick and effective. (although highly unlikely to occur IRL, 1 in 161,831. oh poo)

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