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I been trying hanging methods today. Found one where I almost past out with not much physical pain. It’s been a month that I been planning to kill myself. I have a few things I need to take care of, otherwise I’d just do it. Sometimes I’m really close to doing anyways. The mental pain is unbearable. This no way to live. I am a 32 year old male.
My grandmother doesnt hear well and she keeps the tv loud for hours and it bothers me alot. This is going on for the last seven years. Its a torture for me although my mother explained to her many times to keep it less loud, she doesnt want to understand. She has a hearing device but she doesnt like to use it
My mother and grandmother make my life hell
She has her own tv and room but the sound is quite high and it reaches me, i live in the next room
She lives in the kitchen, she has a bed there and i cant go in …
I’m not sure. What is it that I want. I can’t tell anymore. I’m scared. There is only so much that can be done. I’m trying to calm myself down, but I don’t think that’s working. I keep going between wanting silence and noise. Everything seems so disturbing. Is anyone there? I can’t put my thoughts into words anymore. It seems like it is dragging. Can’t tell what it is doing anymore. Why do I keep going? The medicine doesn’t work? I’m not sure. Why. It seems long and …
at the beginning the month, something about me shifted. i’ve started to care less about things, i mean i still care a huge deal just… idk, maybe acceptance? maybe i’ve accepted that i won’t ever be able to get a job, i won’t ever make any friends and my family will never stop abusing me. i don’t know. i just feel slightly different.
If anyone wants they can send me an email @ Shatteredglasszzy@gmail.com for the full transcript between me and stephan1985 also known as dick@deds.nl for full disclosure and transparency sake.
I’m 21 years old and my life is complete fucking shit, I make rap music but I don’t really have fun doing it, the only fun thing I have done in my life is smoke crack, no other drugs or substances/ life experiences even compare but I only smoked crack a few times, so I don’t really ever do it, I hate everyone around me and I kinda wish they would all just go away and die. I wanna die so fucking badly.
Has anyone heard from “AloneOne”?
We stopped talking on kik awhile ago, us both being really too busy to find time to talk.
Kik me if anyone has please, worried about her a bit.
Kik: “DylanW970”
Light: Death, Destruction, Suffering & Regret;
Hate {
Pain, Sorrow, Emotional Turmoil, Out-Cast, Confusion, Darkness; }
Dark: Cooperation, Influence, Kindness,
Help {
Love, Help, Benevolence, Growth, Enlightenment, Epiphany, Light; }
Gone; Good-Bye; Good-Luck;
Is it a bad thing to think about all of the inevitable consequences that will come from me taking my own life, and then shrugging them off with the justification of “It won’t matter for you because you’ll be dead. Why care about others?”?
It makes logical sense, but is unbelievably selfish. Then again, i suppose suicide itself is inherently selfish.
I realized something. Rather, I came to an epiphany.
I do not deserve help. And I’m sorry for not realizing that earlier. I do not deserve help because I am not depressed. Because let’s face it, my issue is small. It’s not real. Not in a way like people know depression is. I have no reason to feel this way. And it shows. Noone cares. I know it. They know it. I. Don’t. Deserve. Help. My parents know it. All I needed to do was to take pills. I’ll get better. But I don’t. Why? Because I’m useless. I can’t get better because I haven’t made …
Sometimes you just gotta feel something. I’ve self harmed before, didn’t like the attention that it brought with it. So I decided cold ass water might do the trick.
It fucking sucks at first. You feel like you can’t handle it. You start taking deep breaths and panic a bit because you’re shocking your system. But then you realize you can feel your whole body and your heart beating fast and you feel alive.
I take my regular shower first, then when I’m ready to rinse, I gradually lower the temperature till I can hardly stand it, then stick it our for a couple of minutes.
Turns out, …
My God is laughing at me and telling me to hang myself. I’ve been pacing on and off for two or three hours and the rope is still on my mind. It won’t leave.
i think its time we saw the real face of stephan/dick@deds.nl since he seems to be active and posting again. Ladies, please do not message this creep @ Stephan1985
…
At a point in my life, I made the mistake of analyzing the bodies of other women around me. I looked at my sister and went through her clothes, wondering why I wasn’t as small and fit as she was. Then one day a thought was planted into my mind by a simple sentence my bigger sister said to me.
“I’m not going to eat for three days.”
I didn’t know that this thought would impact my life for years to come.
I first stood against that idea. I researched the bad things that come with not eating. It disturbed me. But with my mind in a place …
I have nothing tonight buy this lovely nocturne.
Love yourself.
Be Kind
ffs I’m so trashed I can’t even spell.
Got nothing tonight.
Decided to sink in a bottle of vodka.
Hazy: 0
Life: 1
I’m tired of being told “don’t worry, it’ll get better.” Yeah well I’m “middle-aged” so I’ve been on this Earth for several decades. Been suffering for most of my life.
So when will it get better? I don’t have hope that it ever will. Sigh.
I seriously doubt im the only one on here who has wishes they would contract a fatal disease.
My question is, which one do you ask for?
The easy answer is cancer, right?
Does anybody hope for something different? ALS? Aneurism? Or do you just pray for anything thats terminal?
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