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I’m depressed. He left because he’s not “strong enough to help me” …I just wanted a happy life…I love him so much. I love him so much and I can’t function, i can’t smile, i don’t want to live anymore…he came yesterday and stayed the night and this morning he hugged me …and it was so perfect…untill he said “i’m so sorry I can’t offer you what you deserve”. “Nothing has change, i don’t want to believe in us, that things could be different and then disappoint you, i’m sorry I can’t” ..It crushed me. I’m nothing but pain. I vomited right after he left, I was feeling so sick. So sick of me. So sick of this life. I’m a fucking failure… Nothing will ever work out for me.
I bought some poisonous seeds online and i’m scared because I read that it is going to be painful and scary. But I want to end me. All the beautiful memories just turned into pain… He was the love of my life and to think that my mental state made him run away just kills me. He is right. I’m not strong enough.