General

I’m depressed. He left because he’s not “strong enough to help me” …I just wanted a happy life…I love him so much. I love him so much and I can’t function, i can’t smile, i don’t want to live anymore…he came yesterday and stayed the night and this morning he hugged me …and it was so perfect…untill he said “i’m so sorry I can’t offer you what you deserve”. “Nothing  has change, i don’t want to believe in us, that things could be different and then disappoint you, i’m sorry I can’t” ..It crushed me. I’m nothing but pain. I vomited right after he left, I was feeling so sick. So sick of me. So sick of this life. I’m a fucking failure… Nothing will ever work out for me.

I bought some poisonous seeds online and i’m scared because I read that it is going to be painful and scary. But I want to end me. All the beautiful memories just turned into pain… He was the love of my life and to think that my mental state made him run away just kills me. He is right. I’m not strong enough.

that my only contact with humans these days is online through a suicide site?

I don’t really have friends. I don’t go anywhere, talk to anyone, etc. And no, covid isn’t an excuse. I’ve always been this way, except my depression is worse now.

All I do is watch videos and feel shit about my life. Yup, that’s pretty much my life.

What if there was like a city, or a whole village, of just us depressed people? Wouldn’t that be interesting?

Hey SP’ers, let’s fill in the blank. What words would describe yourself?

Me- Loser, defeated, hopeless

I know we cannot be unborn or un-exist, but man, wouldn’t it have been nice not to be here suffering in the first place?

And why do we have to suffer so much? Why can’t I just be a happy fucker like some of the people out there? Yeah sure, not everyone is happy. But not everyone is depressed and miserable either.

To be alive and have to either kill yourself or live a tormented life sucks. My own self and my mind is my worst enemy. Sigh. How terrible that knowing you yourself is your own worst enemy?

It really hurts that most people still ignore me as if i don’t exist anymore. It makes me even much more depressed now, spiraling downward to the lowest point. And to be very honest, it makes me also even more suicidal, it’s like my life & my existence doesn’t have any worth/value anymore, and that’s very depressing and it’s NOT easy at all.

Is all my mistakes really that bad, that most people now just can’t forgive me anymore? Even when i’ve already tried? I’ve tried to say hi first, I’ve tried to be warm & nice again, I’ve tried almost EVERYTHING, but WHY people are still like this to me?

It’s a cold, cruel, & unforgiving world, human’s society, life, existence, & reality.
Honestly, I feel like an useless failure & complete total loser, maybe better to just die.

I want this to stop.

As in now.

Off please.

The feeling I desire of it off I’ll never know, but it beats what is in this brain.

Off…..forever.

I feel like garbage everyday, that I don’t belong where I live, that I am worthless of the good things that may happen to me during my life. Mainly, I feel like a fucking selfish person, or even worse, a narcissist. My intrusive thoughts never give me peace of mind and I have to try staying calm to not screaming… HELP.

He said I was too late for him. That I didn’t tell him in time, I hate myself for it. Everything hurts and all that can make it better is having him. He is all I could ever want and it sucks being in love and not having him hurts more then a death could ever, I’m starting to lose myself without him and it breaks my heart more and more everyday. He says one day in the future but what if im gone before i get a chance to be with him

I am pure evil. I put on a show for people but secretly I wish everyone would just leave me the hell alone. Many years ago when I was in my 20’s, I sold my soul to the devil. I had a seance’, complete with candles the pentagram, the whole thing. Initially I didn’t think anything had really happened, but now I’m convinced I did what I intended to do, and there is no going back.

I sold my soul in exchange for health wealth and happiness. I lost everything and gained nothing. I’m not healthy, certainly not rich, and I’m not happy either. I’m convinced that this deed of mine has resulted in something similar to demonic possession. I think this because some things I think and do I wouldn’t have done prior to my deal with the devil.  He talks to me. Tells me to do things. Sometimes I do them sometimes I don’t. Sometimes he leaves me alone, but he’s here most of the time. He breathes in my ear. He’s a figure I see out of the corner of my eye. He torments me at night. He tells me I’m worthless and I believe him. He tells me I’d be better off dead and I believe him. He tells me my family would be better off without me and I believe him. He controls me. I’m tired of resisting. If I give in, I am afraid of what will happen. I know I’ll eventually kill myself, but I’m afraid of whet happens before that.

Hello everyone, sorry to do this on here but I have no other options, (I’ll make this short)I want to find someone like me so this site works….Anyway I am a male 44 years old and I’m looking for a female close to my age that I can go “through the struggle” with, someone that can cook and is depressed and anti-social like me, I have my own apt and live in the Midwest, please let me know if interested and please no rude/negative comments if you don’t like this just keep scrolling, thank you

I was born to die. I am literally the embodiment of everything that can drive a person to suicide. Mental illness. Genetics. Biology. Trauma (emotional / sexual). Grew up with a mentally ill parent. Bullied. 2 prior attempts. All the ingredients are there. I spent over a decade in college exhausting every avenue of possible things I could’ve done with my life. I finally found my calling and my passion as a first responder working in EMS. Now there’s all kind of stupid bullying going on and drama. I feel trapped. This job is all I have. It was my purpose. It’s the only thing that’s given me the will to live and now it’s going to be the end of me. I can’t go to work everyday and do my job knowing that I’m going to be walking on eggshells around my partner; being psychologically bullied and slandered and all. It’s over now. I literally don’t have anything left. I just can’t believe this. I’ve survived so much and finally rose out of the abyss just for this to happen. : /

Feeling down, feeling like sh!t

I don’t know if you’re still here. I can’t claim to understand what your deal is. But it doesn’t matter– I could have, and should’ve handled that differently regardless of who you are. I feel like you were playing games with us here and that’s not appropriate, but maybe you couldn’t help yourself, but I still think that’s no excuse to act that way. No one wants to watch someone abandon their self respect and mutilate themselves. I know if anywhere were to be the place for that to be acceptable it would seem to be here. But it isn’t. And if we look at things honestly, that’s part of the reason why the site is like it is now. So many of us did the same in front of everyone else, and just kicked up drama and the mods got sick of it. I’m a hypocrite like the rest, but after all this time I’ve finally realized things aren’t just as simple as giving up and deciding to die. There’s a lot more to it than that. Don’t know what else to say. I’m not gonna give some lame motivational speech that nobody wants to hear or will listen to. Sorry guys. Bye.

Not suicide related

It’s hard not to feel like scum….

guys i’m so done done with everything i don’t see a point in living anymore i’m in my worst spot and i don’t even know why.. glass is shattering all around me and there’s  no way out…help >  email: andriannamueller@gmail.com

It amazes me how much the spiral is used in nature, as though it’s just a logical engineering choice. From galaxies to snails. Round and round we go. These are bubbles seen through an inch of water in a soaking, dirty skillet, with a smattering of editing thrown in.

None of the bubbles was harmed during this post.

Really.

When you don’t care about anything anymore?
When you’re not doing anything to help yourself
When you’re only doing destructive things (in my case, literally not doing anything)

I’ve fallen into a deep pit of depression, despair, and self-loathing.
I cannot get out of this deep pit; it takes too much effort to.

While I don’t drink or do drugs, being depressed and doing nothing with my life is just as destructive. I don’t go out, I don’t have friends, I barely go out to get food to feed myself. It’s pathetic. I feel half dead already, not living life.

All I do every day is watch tv or movies to numb the pain of my life, the pain of being me.

I don’t know how to get back my “oompf” for life.
I’m not even trying anymore.
At least in the past I tried. And I did go out and do things and had some “fun” or whatever you call it.
But this time it’s pure 100% self destructive depression- doing nothing all day but mope and cry and trying to drown out the pain of being me.