General

For general topics related to the site.

0

bland is yuck

  January 18th, 2019 by HollowOcean

I’m so empty. I’m nothing, but I can be nothing because no one ever sees that and always assume that surely i am something cause everyone has to be, so they just dump all these expectations on me that always go unfulfilled because they’re for normal people, and im not normal, im nothing. Sometimes I think about the far-ahead future and wish that i was something but i know that its a lie because what im really wishing for is to be someone else entirely, and thats not possible. at least not in this life. If I do feel anything its just sadness, or sometimes …

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1

drowning.

  January 18th, 2019 by heartlessviking

Sometimes it feels really close to drowning. I’m not being melodramatic, that’s the closest I can describe depression as, especially after fighting against it and being productive. I just pulled off a really tough shift of work, and I’d like to be pleased. Instead I feel the unpleasant sensation of my lungs trying to collapse, of sinking.

To me working feels a lot like swimming, especially when I don’t want to swim. I trained in life saving and other swimming stuff once. I love the water, there’s freedom there. Winter sucks in that way, not enough chances to be immersed in water. Swimming is hard though. …

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3

What I believe in

  January 17th, 2019 by Martin1987

I can not and will not ever believe that God, that energy, would send a suicidal soul to hell. If a person commits suicide, it is because they are in so much pain, drowning in sadness and struggle. Why would God punish someone who’s hurting so badly already. I agree and believe that with all my heart.

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9

my mentality regarding…

  January 17th, 2019 by princessmousy<:3)~

its really easy to slip into that mentality of… well I think I’m only going to be be around for a few more months, so money doesn’t really matter.
I have to save all I can now anyway as I need to find another place. I really have no idea if I should’ve bought that console but I am enjoying it so far.
I’m so horrible at saving, money disappears so fast. I used to be really poor and had no income at all (not even the paid surveys). I just lived off the pocket money my parents gave me. I wonder why I can’t do that …

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4

SO tired

  January 17th, 2019 by Yazmina

I’m just SO tired, you know? My heart has been screaming and crying a lot lately, i’m… so empty, i’ve been crying again… that’s NOT good at all, my mind it’s so dark lately, i wish i could swallow it again and keep moving forward, but no… would anyone out there read me? i just.. can’t anymore.
I was okay, my last “incident” was almost a year ago, until it happened that night… you see? i.. was raped.. and i worked really really hard to be okay, i lost “friends” who told me “you just want attention”, “nah, u lying” “why are you lying” “oh, please …

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1

“”Destined to be a failure”___Reasoning, Philosophy and Everything Between [#3]

  January 17th, 2019 by Two-Faced

Anxiety is a monster and so is depression. It’s bad to have one and it’s horrible to have both. There’s a line from a song called Klonopin by ‘Nothing, nowhere’ and he says “And I don’t deserve this Seems like the only time I can feel anything is when I’m nervous’. Being nervous is okay but anxiety is the devil. Some can relate most probably cannot.

Life makes me realize that circumstances are too conveniently setup to just be random. I don’t believe in luck but I do when it’s convenient. I’ve seen some lucky people, people who just have it so good you gotta wonder. Does …

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6

Emotion, feeling.

  January 17th, 2019 by PatheticMale

What do you think depression is? I would say it is an emotion. I think people who dont experience it commonly misunderstand it as something like “series of bad thoughts” or just some unhealthy way of thinking. I dont think its about thinking. It is not rational but emotional. It is a feeling not a thought. When Im really fked up at my lowest I dont think. I just stare. I stare and stare and stare at anything (any object rather, I have problems looking on people especially in the eyes). I stare and my mind is empty. No thoughts. Just this feeling. I would …

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2

Will never be able

  January 17th, 2019 by android

I just feel like ill never be able to really enjoy anything. Ill always feel like i would be taking up the spot of someone who probably deserves it better, some who would be a better fit, someone with value. Not me

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3

Real Life is Terrible

  January 17th, 2019 by robieli

I find myself everyday becoming lost in my own world, and my own mind. In my short life, I have found reality to be a tragedy. I’m not talking about things that have nothing to do with me, such as politics, and world issues, but I find that if I was to face real life, I would find myself belittled and bitter looking back at the poor choices and cringeworthy decisions I’ve made. I find myself easily lost and afraid. Suicide seems to never be an option, but I just wonder how to permanently escape these mental barriers without ending it all.

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11

the end?

  January 16th, 2019 by princessmousy<:3)~

Ok if I don’t get another place soon I might as well attempt, I know my mum needs me but I don’t see an end in sight to this bs.

Theres some rather expensive places but that would become unsustainable really quickly.

I’m just waiting to hear another NO from them.
I can’t take it anymore.

Vent to me! Mousy venting service! Free!(sorry for ad like wording rofl): https://suicideproject.org/2019/01/vent-to-me/

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12

Making things worse in your head than what they really are

  January 16th, 2019 by Mac-10toSchool

I get so anxious thinking about things sometimes that I convince myself it’s better to avoid it, even if it’s not actually that bad. Do any of you do this too?

To give an example, I’m in school for Power Engineering, and we’ve been calculating Current, Voltage, resistance, and Power throughout series circuits, parallel circuits, and combination circuits. When I first started, all of the math involved and all of the rules you had to follow in relation to electromotive force overwhelmed me! I thought for sure I was gonna fail the class. and so, when I was at home, I spent my time on Netflix, …

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5

Thoughts

  January 16th, 2019 by EmptyFuckUp

Is it possible to love someone so much you have to leave them for their own sake?

Is it completely self absorbed to believe that to show everyone how much you love them you must leave them?

I generally feel like the best gift I can give those I love is for me to leave and make everything simpler for them. I don’t know I feel like I bring so much pain to everyone the only way to stop is to run away and start new somewhere which would never happen or to be just gone which I could make happen.

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1

i miss her

  January 16th, 2019 by some kid

I had a friend for a little bit, She was only a friend too me but it felt really good to be around someone. After class we would walk together and talk about stuff. But I’m not really an interesting person, and so we quickly ran out of stuff to talk about. Not her fault in the slightest, it was all mine. I knew it would end up this way from the start, but I guess she tempted me. I’m very introverted so starting a conversation with me is pretty pointless but I’m also just a failure. In stark contrast to her who has ousted …

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12

“Suicide awareness” is nothing more than “suicide cluelessness”

  January 16th, 2019 by AXYZ

If you think a 5 minute phone call to an 800 number can save your life, or if some stupid song by a pop band can fix your miserable existence, or a teen melodrama on Netflix or a damn arm band will make you accept 50+ more years of this torture, then by all means donate all your money to one of the many “suicide awareness” groups. They’ll be more than happy to take your money.

If I have one message to give the world, it would be that there’s no fix for suicide. The act of organisms willfully ending their own lives, through starvation or …

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4

Tired of being depressed

  January 16th, 2019 by Tiago Sousa

I have reached to the point, that i know is probably rock bottom. Every day, i have wake up and do the same routine for almost 4 years: i wake up, i go to school, and then i come to my house. Whats the problem? Im completely depressed and tired of not being helped. When i was a kid, i always wanted to have a group of friends, just like in the games or an anime, and do the stuff they do, like believing in trust and friendship. Turns out, i ve becamed bullied because of the way i thought, all the way to highschool, …

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2

It always finds me

  January 16th, 2019 by iliketoeat

For some people light always finds them, it’s like walking in the rain but for some reason it always stop. but for me, the dark always finds me. it’s like walking on sunshine but for some reason it always rain.

I’ve had enough.

Maybe the only way to escape the dark is to kill it, not escape it. Because I know I can never escape it. And to kill it means to end me. Ending myself is the only way to kill the dark. Someday I will kill the dark.

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5

Lonely Existance

  January 16th, 2019 by GerbzBaby

Even at the age of 21 I can’t find people who like me. I’m unlikeable and I guess I need to accept that. I’ve only found one person who understands me, understands my mental issues and I believe he hates me. I feel like I lost him after what I said. I had to tell him the truth so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. I just ended up hurting him. I feel like I’ll never find someone like that who understands me again. Not even my closest friend does. But I believe he hates me as well. Oh well.. time to walk down the …

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8

5:45am

  January 16th, 2019 by thehusk

I keep getting sucked back into the past, searching for a time when things still felt meaningful. When I could still sometimes convince myself that I was acceptable. It’s a long time ago now. I desperately want to go back, and somehow preserve that illusion. Stop myself from ruining everything. Push myself to find real connections. Prepare myself for the world. Live a worthwhile life. Find peace.

And I know thinking about all this is pointless and counterproductive. The past is the past. What’s done is done. Those possibilities are simply not open to me anymore, however painful it may be to acknowledge it. The only …

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0

Holly Henry Cover of The Smiths – Asleep

  January 16th, 2019 by Kirsten

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5

  January 16th, 2019 by Mac-10toSchool

Not long ago, my Ex attempted to hang himself, and even though we arent together anymore, it really upset me.

He survived it, and when I called up to the hospital to check up on him and offer support, he just flat-out hung up on me without saying a word.

We used to be so close. Super close.

When we were still together, we were going to get married. But something got a hold of him. He stopped acting like himself, and he shut everyone out. I know it’s depression, and I know a lot of it isnt his fault. but still. Over time, things got …

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