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i can’t remember the last time i was truly happy
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I am crazy!
Everything around me is driving me crazy. I wish my life is taken right this moment.
There is no one I talk to. There is no friend. My family that lives thousands of miles away finds lame excuses to not communicate with me. The guy that I was dating (at least that’s how I was thinking) was a manipulative narcissist that abandoned me (multiple times), friend zoned me and called me crazy.
It’s like a pattern. People enter my life, emotionally murder me, walk right out.
Can I just leave all of them and live like I don’t care? Yes. But they keep coming back to me to abuse me. Make use of me. I am sick of all this. I am so not ready for this world.
My humble request to fellow humans: please don’t call someone “crazy” because you are dishonest and scared of exposing your true self. Please don’t abandon someone for loving you. Ignoring/abandoning is abuse too.
I am tired.
im not caring about anything anymore. cause if i start caring about things and try to fix it, its only going to delay my inevitable suicide. so i just have to face the fact that things are not going to get better and im destined to kill myself.
the moment my work lets me go (cause they are already releasing people) im going to end it. i have all of the things i need, i just need to do it 🙂
I hate life. All I do is wait to die, which I hope happens soon…. I at least got a hobby but me being me it’s not fun nor enjoyable, so I scream at myself constantly about failure related to it…. That’s about as much as I can ever enjoy anything. It has led to me getting so many more sharp things though, and I haven’t cut yet, so I guess that’s good…. I wish I didn’t suck though.
why do we struggle everyday. why do we pretend to be happy when we are not. why do we do things we don’t like . I am closing in on my 30 birthday and I realize never in my life I have been happy for more than few months at once.I know a lot of my friends who look happy and might be secretly posting here . The pain people hide is seriously admirable and all that just because of the society , we all are going to die one day so why not that day be Tomorrow. you go to sleep tonight and don’t wake up tomorrow. Just end it end the sacrifices the pain the expectations the disappointments the lies the betrayals the angry faces the struggles the survival the sadness the reality the long nights the tiring days the dull evenings the depressing morning
There really is no point is there? Ten years ago after a suicide attempt they let me go because it was deemed a cry for help. But they don’t give any help? So here I still am, wanting to die. Get sober, give up weed. Return to religion. Try and be a good person. Volunteer. Take care of sick husband. Pray often. Pray for others. Stay sober. Eat healthy. Exercise. What does any of it achieve? Where is Jesus? Where is God? Here I am again, crying my heart out, punching myself, hating myself, wanting to die. Where’s my son, family, friends? My husband hates me. I hate me.
There really isn’t anything now is there? Still too damn lame to kill myself though.
I ain’t looking for pity, I fucking know I don’t deserve it. Life is fucking good for me right now. I got a roof over my head, I got food to eat, I got friends and family, I’m doing well in classes, and I just got a great fucking job at one of my favorite places in the area, so why the fuck do I feel like this……
Hey, I will change some things just to make sure I don’t reveal my true identity. It’s not that I’m famous or anything; I’m just a boring kid with a boring life.
So, I’ll make it fast. My english isn’t very good anyway. I like using bullet points.
I’m considering committing suicide if things don’t get better soon.
I have too much on my fucking mind and here is me unloading it all. After all, my brother always said, “Humans were not made to just bottle things up.” So here is to your advice, Rud.
First, I heard through a friend that an old friend from my senior year of high school had passed away. It kind of hurt to hear the sad news as he was always a positive person and he was so young. Only as old as me, 21. I remember him reaching out to me about a year ago. I wish I knew then what I knew now, else I would have made time to hangout with you. Maybe if knew then what I know now I would have helped you in someway live out your dreams of being a baker. Such a young and happy man, I appreciate your friendship, buddy. I wish it didn’t take you passing for me to learn that we need to value the things we get to do everyday and the people we have in our lives. Wish I knew what you continued to struggle with. I would have reached out. Rest easy, my friend.
And second, what seems to be the thing that never leaves, what am I doing with my life. A couple of years ago, “what am I doing with my life” meant I am walking down a dark path with no goals. I was just living as long as I could without any plans or hopes for the future, all I knew was I would be dead soon. These days, while I am better now and seem to have it figured out, I am walking down a path that I know will soon split. I can only take one path, yet I walk with no confidence, fearing that once the paths split, I will freeze. I fear that I am wasting my time and due to my indecisiveness, I will stop once I reach the intersection. I have a goal and I have a dream, yet the two are not the same. It is hard to work on my goal when all I think about is my dream. But unfortunately I give too much of a fuck about what people will think of my dream.
What are my goals and dreams you may ask? Well my goal for a long time was to get my real estate license and join an amazing group in my area. I had the motivation, the drive, the mentorship. Everyone that knew me knew I wanted to do real estate and they knew I would do good at it, too. Then I stopped. I fell off, lost motivation and drive and now I am bumming it at home.
And my dream? The outdoors! I absolutely love nature. I love hiking, I love camping. I love mountains, rivers, waterfalls, trees, redwoods, sequoias, canyons, green, blue. Wildlife and nature are absolutely stunning. I love capturing it on camera and I want to protect the environment. I live for that. The only thing I see myself doing to work toward this goal is creating content for instagram and brands. I mean, I capture the beauty of nature anyway, so why not sell it? But I have changed my career choice so many times, I am afraid of the ridicule I will get if I announce changing it once more. I don’t know what I should do, the paths will eventually end. I know I have to make a choice soon enough.
I kept waiting and waiting to see if things would get better. They didn’t. Now I have MS and am dependant on my selfish, nasty husband. I had prayed for death but instead I got a chronic, disabling illness. Today I get an invalidity scooter delivered. I’m grateful for the freedom it will offer but then again…I just want to die. Why is life suffering? I try to hold onto faith, suffering is mercy. Suffering purifies the spirit. When everything is taken away that’s God’s ultimate mercy. I feel abandoned and hated. Nobody cares that I’m sick and all I do is irritate my husband and make him angry. Everything I do or say makes him angry. I’m just so tired. Please God, have mercy upon me.
It seems to be what everyone wants anyway. Pharmasists refuses to be helpful i asked a simple guestion “is this in stock?” It was a simple over the counter depression aid (i dont remember exactly what it was) and she goes into a million and one questions that dont concern her and it agrivated me to the point i said fuck it and just walked away. Im getting death threats and my therapist seems to lack caring. “Im highly likely to commit suicide if my grandfather dies” “ok” ummm isnt your job to help me cope with shit like that? Thats why i told you ahead of time. So i dont completely meltdown when he does die…..whatever. clearly no one wants to help and im done fighting a losing battle. Everytime i turn around theres someone else harrasing me or abusing me. Well fuck it!
I dont need to forgive.. It would be just enough to just be able to forget… Forget everything and start from scratch. I want to forget how lazy I was all my life. I was so lazy I just let all my weed plants die and now I will have nothing to smoke this year. Maybe its a good thing. But Im addicted and I will buy it anyway. So my laziness will only cost me a lot of money. A ton of money just coz it was too much work to water a fking plant once a day. Id love to forget that.
But mainly I would like to forget all the cringe. Especially the cringy things that I said to my “ex” (she is not my ex rly, we didnt have a relationship but idk what else to call her). These cringe moments just haunt me. I cant get them away from my mind. I started drinking a lot. I never used to drink alone before. I dont even like it but its just something to do (since I dont have weed). The worst part is I cant cant have a good sleep when I go to bed drunk. It feels like Im waking up every 5 minutes.
I just want to forget who I am and have a 2nd try in life. If I just fell on my head and had amnesia or smth.
Rocketman: Thanks everyone! For showing up on such short notice! Especially Hope dream love our newest member! We have a real problem if you been watching the news you know what I’m talking about! The Suicide bombers! They are crazy! They are insane! And They are killing people!
empty pluto: What? How can we stop them?
Dark willow: But our job is to stop people from killing themselves?
Hope dream love: We have to save the suicide bombers? So they don’t kill themselves and blow up people? THERE HAS GOT TO BE ANOTHER WAY!
Rocketman: I know it goes against the grain to say the least, but I can’t think of another way? I know this is asking a lot it will be the most dangerous thing we have ever done! We could get blown up in the process! Matter of fact forget it!
Hope dream love: I’M IN!!!
Rocketman: NO NO! It’s a crazy idea!
empty pluto: Just tell me where and when! ERROOWW!
Rocketman: NOPE! It’s asking too much!
Dark willow: Rocketman you can’t stop me!
Rocketman: I have too! It’s much to dangerous! And that’s final!!
Hope dream love: Grab Rocketman!! Start tickling him! Tickle torcher!!!!
Rocketman: Wait!! Stop that! 🙂 HA! HA! 🙂 Cut it out! 🙂 HA! HA! HA! 🙂 WILL WE ALL DIE!!! 🙂 HA! HA! HA! 🙂 I’m going piss my pants!!! 🙂 HA! HA! HA! 🙂 OK! OK! 🙂 WE WILL DO IT!!!!! 🙂
Hope dream love: Thought you change your mind! 🙂
Rocketman: Hope dream love this isn’t a game! These guy’s are tough! They don’t play around tickling people! What would you do if they grabbed you! Like this!
empty pluto: Oh I wouldn’t do that Rocketman!
Dark willow: Be careful!!! Rocketman!
Rocketman: What? She’s just a girl? 🙂
Hope dream love: HY YA!
Rocketman: OUCH! Lucky shot!
Hope dream love: HY YA! kick! HY YA! SMACK! HY YA! HIT!
Rocketman: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! HELP! CUT IT OUT!
Dark willow: WOW! Rocketman is soaking her fist up like a sponge!! I never seen a head spin like that!
empty pluto: Look he’s flying in the air! Looks like he’s doing a swan dive!
Dark willow: Right on his head! I’d give him a 10 perfect form!!!
Rocketman: OK OK Hope dream love ENOUGH TRAINING!!!! GOT SOME ICE? 🙁
NEWS FLASH! THREE SUICIDE BOMBERS ARE IN THE MAIN CITY TOWER!
(News anchor talking to Chief of police)
Well Chief what’s the story? What are you going to do?
Chief of police: We have the building surrounded! There are Three SUICIDE BOMBERS inside holding 250 people hostage! Right now were stopping people from going in and keeping people away from the building, STAY BACK! STAY BACK!
News anchor: What about the people in the building?
Chief of police: We are negotiating with the terrorist by phone, I can’t risk sending in my men the Mayor say’s it’s much to dangerous! It doesn’t look good, we can’t meet their demands and most likely they will blow up the building and everyone in it!
News anchor: Are their children in the building?
Chief of police: Yes I’m afraid so.
Hope dream love: Children! We got to save them! let’s go!
Rocketman: We can’t get in!
empty pluto: We got to try right Dark willow?
Dark willow: Got to try! We are the Suicide prevention Squad! Are we not men!
Hope dream love: HY YA!
Dark willow: AND WOMEN!!! AND WOMEN!!!
Hope dream love: 🙂 Let’s go!
( So the Suicide prevention Squad arrive at the building )
Rocketman: Shit! There must be 20 cops at the entrance! How going to get in?
Dark willow: Let’s rush them!
empty pluto: Yeah they can’t stop all of us!
Rocketman: GO! GO! GO!
20 COPS: Stop! Stop! Grab them!
( Five cops grab each one )
Dark willow: UN hand me!
empty pluto: Let me go!
Rocketman: At least let Hope dream love go she’s just a girl 🙂
Hope dream love: Yeah I’m just a girl and you hurt my little feelings! 🙁
Chief of police: This doesn’t look good? Five of us holding a girl Let her go! She’s only a girl!
empty pluto: That was a dirty trick Rocketman, I LOVE IT! 🙂
Hope dream love: HY YA!
Cops: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
Hope dream love: HY YA! HY YA! kick! HY YA! SMACK! HY YA! HIT!
Cops: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! I’M BIT! ME TOO! OUCH!
Chief of police: The girl bit you!
Cops: No it was the guy’s! The little bastards! They are getting pass us! They got in the building!
Terrorist Suicide bomber: Holding a little boy, Stooop or we will blooow you up!
Hope dream love: HY YA! HY YA! Kick! HY YA! SMACK! HY YA! HIT!
Terrorist Suicide bomber: RRRUUUUUNNN! UUP THE STAIRS!
Hope dream love: GET THE PEOPLE OUT! CHILDREN FIRST! I’ll distract them HY YA!.
( So the squad starts grabbing children and pulling people outside to safety while Hope dream love chases the terrorist up stairs)
GATHERING CROWD: YEA!! YEA!!
News anchor: Flash! Some people are taking everyone out of the building? Chief , Who are they? And why are they risking their lives?
Chief of police: It might be a group that call themselves the Suicide prevention Squad, apparently they aren’t afraid to die? Go figure?
News anchor: Mayor Sir what’s going on?
Mayor: Apparently a group of trouble makers have interfered with the police department and soon as this ordeal is over these misfits LAW BREAKERS WILL BE ARRESTED.
News anchor: HUM? 🙁
( Mean while Hope dream love is tracking down the terrorist one by one )
Hope dream love: Come here you coward!
Terrorist #1: BACK! BACK! I PULL PIN! AND WE DIE!
( Hope dream love rushes him and pushes him out the window glass breaking)
News anchor: OMG! Someone just got pushed out the window from above! HE IS SCREAMING! ALLAHU AKBAR!!!! AWWWW! BOOM! IT WAS A TERRORIST! HE EXPLODED IN THE AIR!! I can’t tell but it looks like a girl pushed him?
GATHERING CROWD: YEA!! YEA!!
( Hope dream love finds another terrorist pulls the pin and rails him out another window and yells happy trails baby killer!)
Terrorist #2 ALLAHU AKBAR!!!! AWWWW! BOOM!
News anchor: This is incredible! It’s a girl! Throwing terrorist out the windows and they are exploding!!
GATHERING CROWD: YEA!! YEA!!
empty pluto: She wasn’t kidding when she said “THERE HAS GOT TO BE ANOTHER WAY!”
Dark willow: VERY CREATIVE!!
News anchor: And you sir are a part of this group? The Suicide prevention Squad?
Rocketman: ah ah yeah…..
News anchor: That girl seems to be deadly dangerous! A super girl!
Rocketman: Oh yes she should be I TRAINED HER!!! 🙂
Dark willow: I think I’m going to get sick! He trained her!
empty pluto: Yeah soaking up her fist with his face!! HA HA! NEED MORE ICE ROCKET!! 🙂
( Hope dream love has tracked down the last terrorist )
Hope dream love: Come here you puke!
Terrorist #3: I PULL PIN! ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!
Hope dream love: SHIT! BOOM!
News anchor: WOW! ANOTHER EXPLOSION INSIDE THE BUILDING THIS TIME! THE GIRL MUST BE DEAD! DAMMIT!
GATHERING CROWD: OH NO! 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
News anchor: WAIT! I can see her through the smoke! she’s alive but pinned down by debris, and a fire has started! Chief what are you going to do?
Chief of police: I’m afraid there is nothing we can do the building is not safe I can’t let my men go in Mayor orders.
News anchor: Well Chief I’ll help you break the news to the crowd.
( News anchor turns on load speaker on the mobile news truck )
News anchor: It’s OK it’s safe now everyone can go home, The girl a HERO! A REGULAR CITIZEN LIKE YOURSELVES THAT BROKE PASS THE POLICE! And risked her life and saved 250 people, THAT NEEDS OUR HELP! Is trapped in the building and will surely die because the Mayor has ordered the police not to go in it’s to dangerous.
GATHERING CROWD: 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
VOICE IN CROWD: We don’t work for the Mayor!
( empty Pluto yelling to the crowd, Let’s go get her! I’m going! They can’t stop all of us! )
GATHERING CROWD: Yeah! Let’s go save the girl!!!
MAYOR: Chief do something to stop these Law breakers! Or it’s your job!
Chief of police: I will! ATTENTION!!!! ALL LAW ENFORCEMENT PERSONNEL DO YOUR JOB GET IN THAT BUILDING AND SAVE THE GIRL!! NOW!!!! THAT’S AN ORDER!!!
( Mayor standing in front of the police trying to stop them from going in the building )
MAYOR: Stop or your all fired!
( Police pushing the Mayor aside yelling get out-of-the-way WE DON’T WORK FOR YOU! )
News anchor: FLASH! UPDATE! THE POLICE OFFICERS ARE POURING INTO THE BUILDING TO RESCUE THE GIRL HERO TRAPPED INSIDE!
GATHERING CROWD: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
( The police find Hope dream love removed the debris and carry her out of the building and the Suicide prevention Squad are reunited )
MAYOR: Arrest these law breaker’s!
Chief of police: I don’t know who you are! What you did was very courageous and stupid! I can’t arrest you for being courageous and stupid! Thank you! Let them go! Take your friend and get out of here before I change my mind!
( Rocketman,empty pluto,Dark willow, Hold up Hope dream love and limp through the crowd while the crowd is cheering and disappear back to Suicide prevention Squad head quarters )
GATHERING CROWD: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
News anchor talking to Chief of Police: WELL CHIEF LOOKS LIKE YOUR GOING TO BE FIRED!
Chief of Police: YEP THANKS TO YOU! And I mean that! THANK YOU! If that girl had died in that building we could never forgive ourselves for not doing our job.
MAYOR: CHIEF YOUR FIRED!!!
(Three weeks later)
Hope dream love: Hey guys why do I have to do all the dirty work? 🙁
Dark willow: Because were a bunch of wusses? 🙂
empty pluto: Yeah the about sums it up? 🙂
Rocketman: No! Because you have special talents! What other special talents have you got?
Hope dream love: I CAN SING! 🙂
Rocketman: Really let’s hear you! 🙂
Hope dream love: Oh i’m so happy i have found you! la la la! do be do be dooo! 🙂
( The squad is covering their EAR’S!! )
Dark willow: Awww! 🙁
empty pluto: OMG! My ear’s hurt! 🙁
Rocketman: SWEET JESUS!!!! 🙁
( Hope dream love stops singing )
Hope dream love: WHAT!! 🙁
( FLASH BREAKING NEW’S )
News anchor: Hellow I’m Bah Bah WAH WAH, The city citizens that have demanded the resignation of the Mayor and have forced the Mayor to resign, The Chief of police has been reinstated and now the acting Mayor until elections take place, Chief what are your plans going forward?
Chief of Police: Well Bah Bah first thing I’m going to do is change our city slogan from “the sunshine city” to “THE CITY OF THE UNKNOWN HERO’S” Thanks to those unknown individuals that stopped that terrorist attack 3 weeks ago! Then………..
( FLASH BREAKING NEWS JUST IN )
News anchor: Hellow I’m Bah Bah WAH WAH NEWS JUST IN! The Spruce Goose has been stolen! AM I READING THIS RIGHT! THE SPRUCE GOOSE? Isn’t that the old sea plane the biggest plane ever constructed by Howard Hughes during the second world war! Someones pulling a prank on me! This has to be a prank! What??? We are??? Were going live to the Evergreen Aviation & Space Museum to talk to the Museum Director where the spruce goose has been kept as a tourist attraction.
Museum Director: Yes Bah Bah WAH WAH it’s true, The Hughes H-4 Hercules (also known as the Spruce Goose; Strategic airlift flying boat designed and built by the Hughes Aircraft Company Intended as a transatlantic flight transport for use during World War II was a monumental undertaking. It is the largest aircraft ever built. It is over five stories tall with a wingspan longer than a football field. That’s more than a city block. And unbelievably it has been stolen!
News anchor Bah Bah WAH WAH: But Director that thing was built in 1947! Surely it can’t fly?
Museum Director: Not true A full-time crew of workers, maintained the aircraft in flying condition in a climate-controlled hangar.
News anchor Bah Bah WAH WAH: How did they get it out of a hangar to fly it?
Museum Director: Bah Bah part of our preservation of this National Treasure involves taking it out of the hanger on a specialty designed cradle with wheels and doing maintenance fueling it up firing off her eight engines we get a kick out of that! Unfortunately so did the thieves, The Hughes H-4 Hercules “Spruce Goose”On November 2, 1947, with Hughes at the controls After picking up speed on the channel facing Cabrillo Beach the Hercules lifted off, remaining airborne for 26 seconds at 70 ft off the water at a speed of 135 miles per hour for about one mile and never flew again! These criminals had to be the greatest pilots on the face on the earth to get her in the air! Flying at that altitude it can’t be picked up on radar and over the right Terrain finding her will be like finding a guppy in a swimming pool.
News anchor Bah Bah WAH WAH: Excuse me Director we have the F.B.I on another line were going to switch over to them.
F.B.I. Director: Hello Bah Bah we are working around the clock to find the perpetrators of this Crime! And we are going to bring them to justice I assure you! They will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law!
News anchor Bah Bah WAH WAH: Sir this is the biggest crime I have ever heard of! Who would do such a thing!
F.B.I. Director: Bah Bah it is the biggest crime in history! These perpetrators must be highly skilled and have an IQ off the chart, No ordinary person could pull this off! But we will catch them!
News anchor Bah Bah WAH WAH: Thank you Director keep us informed as you make progress, This is Bah Bah WAH WAH signing off and returning you to your regular program “AS THE STOMACH TURNS”
Rocketman: I don’t believe it! You guy’s who on earth would have the balls and brains to steal the SPRUCE GOOSE!
( Just then the doors fly open and Shatterediris runs in looking over his shoulders and acting very nervous! )
Rocketman 🙁 Hope dream love 🙁 Dark willow 🙁 empty pluto 🙁
( Disclosure )
My intent of my stories is to make people laugh and smile and hopefully forget their issues for a bit, It is ridiculous to say the least, if anyone in this story is offended I will remove it immediately.
Thanks for reading,
I envy people who are dying with cancer. I wish i could just go to bed and wake up the next day with cancer. Then I don’t have to cope up with this bullsh*t of a life anymore.
I was strong, i was brilliant. Now i am a failure. I have a degree, i am certified to do my job, i had a high-paying job but I was unsatisfied with the salary. Greed. I quit that job and i started my own business and failed. It hasn’t been going really well now. With the cash I have invested in the business i can last at most a year (rent, bills etc). Then i am just a piece of trash in the community.
None of the pain is real until you wake up and are faced with the reality of life. Bills. Pay bills. Put food on plate. Find a place. THIS is the real life. I am 24 years old. The pain I felt when i was younger was NOTHING compared to this, this feeling of failure. So if you are 15 years old struggling with depression or you hate your parents, just do it and take your life while you can because when you get older you will face bigger things. F*ck it! When you are 13 or 15 you still have hope. You have time. You can change. If you want to charge forward then do it. If you don’t want to then just end it! “This world is a filthy place. It’s a filthy goddamn horror show.” – Tate Langdon.
The frequent, sharp pains that I’ve felt over the past 24-48 hours have prompted me to ponder how I would react in a worst-case scenario. What if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and had less than a year to live? Most people would be shocked, fearful, in denial, or ready to make the most of their short time remaining. I, on the other hand, started to feel relieved after envisioning myself in that situation.
Losing my innate fear of death feels like a precursor to finally taking the initiative to end my own life after three decades of abject torment. As it stands, I am unhappy well over 90% of the time; the recurring feelings of stress, anxiety, loneliness, dejection, and rage outweigh the rare and brief moments of happiness by a considerable margin. Right now I’m barely hanging on and my grip is loosening.
I made my Mom cry a LOT. I hitted her. I locked myself on my room and i didnt let her pass. She tried to come in and i bumped her out again. Im so agressive and i cant control myself. She started crying a fucking lot she was ao desesperated and she barely could breath.
I want to die.
Im a fucking poisonous insect.