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I was only 14. I texted my brother and said “you know I’ll always love you” and turned off my phone because I knew his reply would make me stay. I didn’t want to stay. I was constantly self harming, sleeping, failing everyone around me. I dropped out of high school because I knew I would never graduate. I’d never live to. So I took a bottle of pills and passed out on the floor hoping it wouldn’t hurt and hoping everyone would move on from me quickly. But I woke up in a hospital. My head hurt and I felt horrible but I was […]
I’ve lost important social traits. Emotions that are key to expressing the inner heart and soul of one’s self. Isolation has destroyed my hope of finding friends, a lover and being more involved with my family. I don’t know how to feel.. I’m not numb. I’m just not completely aware.
My Grandmother, who I live with and been a caretaker for 6 years is really pushing me to get a better Job. I have an average job that pays minimum wage. Its decent cash and it keeps me somewhat busy yet its not enough for her to back off. Its never good enough, but […]
i often feel like it’s my fate to never be truly happy. as if i’m destined to suffer, that’s my purpose.
many try to make the point of “oh, the bad parts will be over soon”
and to that, I have to ask when? when will they be over? when will they cease to repeat themselves?
it’s a question left unanswered, because the answer is something they don’t want to admit.
The answer is “never”.
for me, at least. I find myself to constantly be a target for abuse, manipulation, pain, et fucking cetera. over and over and over, a never-ending cycle of torture and emotional turmoil.
i don’t have the energy to […]
How do we stop being depressed?
I’ve been searching for that answer for over 3 decades… -_-
https://youtu.be/A1uuhYyf4nM
I started self harming again. I hadnt done it in 14yrs. But i bought some chemicals and burned my arms like the good ol days. Im already regretting this choice because its all i think about now. My mind wants me to destroy my physical being as a punishment of all the hard ships i endured for so many years. Asking for help has been a bust. Not even human services wanted to help me because i seem […]
It’s bleak. All of the impending disasters, decay of anything half-decent, lack of rest. I’m stuck in this place designed only to pump profit from people. There’s no other place.
It won’t get better. Unless it collapses and something else takes its place. Would get caught in the collapse anyways.
Why try to be happy in an environment so poor? Any hope, any happiness is tainted with inevitable failure.
I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of being told to try. I’m tired of people, blind to the horrors that surround them, telling me “It’ll work out!”
For who?
The past hasn’t been worthwhile, the future won’t be either.
:'(
Hi, I never thought I was going to write here, but it is since 4 or 5 years that when my Anxiety and panic attacks hit me, I tend to go to this website.
Knowing that there are other people that suffer like me, in some way, makes me less desperate. Maybe it is the ‘I am not alone’ stuff. But anyway.
I am an anxious person, I did enough therapy to get to that. But what people do not really understand is what it feels like to live with this anxiety. People say that you should enjoy what life brought to me, but it is like […]
I’m so tired.
Partially because the ~6 or so hours of sleep I get are of abysmal quality, but I mostly attribute my exhaustion to me being sick. I’m so fucking sick. I’m so exhausted all the time, the nightmares and night terrors plague me and I spend a significant amount of my day thinking about the awful dreams or worrying that it’s some kind of “sign” or “warning,” as if I have precognition or some shit (I know it’s stupid, I don’t know why my anxiety seems to make me delusional to an extent). The effects of my PTSD are fucking debilitating. The dissociation kills […]
Lmao I’m feeling this type of way tonight to come onto this site and checked my post history and I’ve been on this goddamn site for EIGHT YEARS now. Granted, it’s been on and off, but Jesus Christ. You’d think if I was going to, I would’ve done so by now. My first post is from when I was only 14 and now I’m recently turned 22. What a fucked up life.
It’s honestly hilarious when I look back on my old posts and read how broody, nihilistic I was. At least now I can laugh at my pain instead. I’m very grateful for […]
I don’t know if I’ll ever become anything useful. My education has been arranged differently and it’s supposed to help me. I do school slower and less than others. But I feel like it has somehow made my mental state worse. I feel like I can’t make it in life because of my mental health and general laziness. I’ll just end up being a disappointment and a burden. It makes me want to end it before it happens but I can’t because my loved ones would be sad.
I destroyed that relationship so hard.
I was so scared of losing him that I ended up hurting him.
He was the first guy who liked me for more than just my body…
I know what I have to do forgive myself.
I’m talking to a guy now who only likes me for my body. I’m deeply uncomfortable with talking to him, but it’s what I have to do.
last night I had another nightmare. i don’t know why I say this as if I don’t have them every single night. when i wake up, i have to spend a while laying awake in bed, trying to process what i had experienced during my rest. it’s horrifying. these people that i try to push from my mind reappear as if my dream is their real estate. i’ve tried medication, meditation to induce lucid dreams, i’ve done everything within my power. it’s like some twisted possession, my thoughts are no longer in my control and the images of disturbing, horrifying things sit in front of […]
I went to the emergency room yesterday after a trip to urgent care. The past three weeks I haven’t been sleeping well, if at all. I’m guessing I’d slept maybe about twelve hours over that period, several nights no sleep at all. Having gotten no sleep at all Thursday and Friday nights, on Saturday morning I “set my affairs in order”, composed several notes for friends and family, bought a fresh box of ammo, test fired my g*n, (it works) then, for whatever reason, went to urgent care. (He doesn’t want to die, but he also doesn’t know how to live. -editor)
I’d been experiencing a […]
I wish I could start over.
Who else feels, like they’ve thought all the thoughts, and there’s nothing left to say?
Every day is the same.
I just watched this. Thought it was very informative. Figured maybe someone else might get something out of this video too:
guys I’m hurting right now and i just want the pain to stop. its unbearable. i don’t wanna die but i don’t wanna live either…u know? its never ending pain and i hate it..honestly i think anything at this point is better than living but i’m too afraid to die alone…i need help here’s my email…
andriannamueller@gmail.com
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