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He did it, he broke my heart, we were talking fine then he started acting wierrd saying he cant talk to me becasue he will hurt me, now he isnt replying he is depressed im in tears, he was one of the reasons i stayed on this earth now he is gone, i told him how i feel, but he says i cant trust me he ruins lifes, but he made mine better,he wont listen, and i  cant live without him, i am home alone tomorrow i will do it then
selseyc@gmail.com
I WISH MY MOM FUCKING DIED! HERE GOES THE CUTTING. I DONT WANT TO BE HERE!!!!!
They really can’t. They can’t stand for me to be happy. You know what happened yesterday, and I really began to think that Trevor likes me. So I gave him that gift bag today. But then I get home, and my mom gives me my phone. There is a message pulled up on it, and it’s from one of my friends. It says: Trevor said that you are fuckin ugly as hell you mother fucker so leave me the fuck alone you ugly ass *****. She also said that his friend, Jacob said it. Well, see, here’s the thing. I found out recently that she […]
I am completely without any hope right now, and I don’t know what to do. I just haven’t been on here for a couple months and I figured might as well let someone out there know, let it out even if its to a multitude of strangers. That’s fitting anyway, considering I am constantly feeling like I’m walking through life a ghost, and that no one can see me or hear me scream and I am honestly believing I really am crazy now. I miss my best friend, I miss how it was easy. And I keep beating myself up over it…. I just want […]
I meant to do it. i stood for ages staring at the distant floor and the cars whizzing about mindlessly. I even had both legs over and was perched on the side.
But some part of me still wants to live. And I don’t know why. I don’t know what part of my brain told me to step away and give it a week. But I did, and I am waiting.
I feel so weak. I couldn’ t just let myself go…
I’ve been struggling with the thought of suicide my entire life, although there will be times were I can distract myself and be “happy” Â and just try to forget those thoughts they always have a way of creeping back up on me. When this feeling does come back it always hurts worse than the last time, I always become weaker, I feel like I should become stronger but my life is somewhat moving backwards instead of forwards, and it has always been this way. Suicide is a scary thought, I know. It is scary that your life has gotten to the point where you are […]
I have bipolar but I’m trying so hard to fake positivity and work on improving my life. I have the very clear impression from my boyfriend that I’m on my last chance to sort myself out. He can’t cope with me being depressed and if I have a bad day – and don’t get enough done – like searching for a job, housework – if I don’t have a full, productive day, I’m scared to tell him. I’ve been trying so hard to turn my life around and I’m making some small progress, but I’m constantly pushing myself harder and harder to try to approach […]
Today was a different day. Today was the worst day. I don’t know why, it just is. Just like the sun sets everyday, today is a bad day. I cried in the shower for a long time – and it wasn’t just simple tears. I cried like I was mourning. And that’s when I realized I was mourning my own death. I feel dead inside, and I don’t think I’ll be able to hold on much longer. Everything keeps getting worse.
I had this urge to talk with my bestfriend/(ex)lover/whatever. From my older posts you will be able to understand what happened. He never replied to […]
Let me ask you this – if you saw someone with a broken arm or leg and had an obvious temporary physical impairment… would you chastise someone for going to help him or her? No… I’m assuming you’d instinctively go over and offer help.
Why then can people not see the value in lending a hand when people have a temporary mental impairment? Band-Aids aren’t only for physical wounds, in the case of mental wounds they’re just shaped a little bit differently.
It never ceases to amaze me that even though throughout my whole life the brain as been described as the most important part […]
It felt good to unload in my first post. I came here because I need a place to talk about these things where no one knows me, where no one can judge, or be horrified, or worst of all, try to intervene. I’ve been dealing with suicide for a very long time — at least thirty years. That’s a big part of why I’m so tired. I wonder how long I’m supposed to keep going like this, and I really want to keep my options open.
I notice that poetry is welcome here, so by way of introduction, I thought I’d share some poems I wrote […]
Hey guys if you ever need anyone to speak to-i dont care how old you are/your gender, talk to me i am a very good listener and can help people get through things, email me- selseyc@gmail.com    Kik me- ChelseyNewman     Ok thanks x
I really need some help, advice or just comforting words right now, 4 weeks ago i attempted a suicide attempt as a result my two children have been placed into custody of there father and his new partner. I want to clarify that the attempt was not made in the precence of my kids and i have never ever done anything to hurt my children. They are my life they are my reason for living, they are the reason i got threw every day. Not being able to tuck them in every night and kiss them goodnight is literally killing me. My days have no […]
I thought one weekend of partying would have made me forget about how I truly feel, thought I would forget somehow the black hole, even if just for a little bit.
But no, it’s getting worse.
I want to die, so badly. I just fucking want to die. There’s not a point in anything anymore. I just want it all to be over. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. It’s all just bullshit.
I want to die. And I thought I would be able to hold on a little bit longer. But I am not so sure anymore. I want to end my life. I really […]
I keep putting it off, waiting to see if something changes. But it never does. Nothing good ever happens to me. Nothing. I can’t remember the last time I had a bit of good luck. It’s been years. At least six years of one bad thing after another, piling up on top of me. I can’t take it anymore. What is the point of continuing, when it just gets worse and there is no hope?
I feel like such a failure. Everything I do, or try to do turns to shit. I could go through my life story but it would bore you to death. Â Â (pun intended)
I see my family and past friends on facebook, I know facebook sucks but it’s all I got most of the time, and they all seem happy living the life I always wanted. My girlfriend from high school is a grandmother. My friend from the military is retiring after a long rewarding career. Another past girlfriend looks as beautiful as she did years ago when I thought I wanted something different. My nieces and […]
I can’t stop listening to these songs.. they describe my pain my sadness my anger… The story of my end…
Mudvayne – scream with me
Ever feel like dying, Ever feel alone, Ever feel like crying, Lost child in a store, Ever feel life pushing, Shoving you away, Ever feel like breaking down, Funeral in the rain
Feel life slipping away, Stand in the corner and scream with me, A body full of empty, A head thats full of rage, Better belive it, Stand in the closet and scream with me A mind thats like a fire, Driven by the pain, Better believe it
Ever feel like lying, Down […]
An apex of happiness exists, but that point is far beyond my grasp. Every little hunk of happiness I have ever experienced has either been broken down or snatched away from me. I can’t keep it together, its just not within my ability. This world you have constructed wasn’t meant for people like me. I fall into a niche and all that happens to us is misery. We are the people who’s company you enjoy, but also the people you take advantage of, and the very same people you scoff at simultaneously. My relationships fall apart and I finally understand why: I don’t deserve any […]
I have decided. I actually decided this a while ago. I’m going to leave on Thursday. I’m not sure what will happen. I don’t even know if I am going to die because there is this guy I’ve been talking to.  Half of me hopes he stops me, But half of me hopes he won’t care. Even if he does help, one day I will kill myself. If he does happen to help, maybe I’ll post something Friday to let you all know I’m OK(sort of). Or maybe I just won’t and I won’t ever come back here. Who knows anymore.
The problem. I am the problem
Everything wrong comes from me
Nobody cares what I see as truth
None of it matters any who
I’m just another face in the crowd
Nothing special, not renowned
Never to become anything of worth
Cursed to walk the earth in misery for eternity
So easy are the old ways
To slip back to pains and drains
So familiar to my hand that it just might slip through a vein or three
The record in my head plays over and over again about how everything’s wrong
Everything’s gone
And how the world would move along without me here
I can’t focus I can’t sleep
I can’t dream I can’t eat
I can’t stand to live […]
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