For general topics related to the site.
I can’t seem to bear being alone.
I hate that.
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General
All my life when presented with a choice to makethe better choice, I choice the lesser. Instead of standing for what I believed was “right” I took the road of the coward. Or I made de isions without thinking of the end result. All of these choices lead me to where I am now. I’m back to drinking myself to sleep every night, I can’t even function around people any more. I’ve lost all of my true friends because I pushed them away. Why would I do this? because over the years I’ve been feeding myself lies of my own motives and who I tmruly was… […]
All my life I have put my friends before myself. All my life I have asked how they were doing. How they’re holding up. If they’re okay. If they need anyone to talk to. To have a shoulder to cry on. A rock to keep them in place. Someone to come to when they don’t know what to do or what to say. I have always been there. No matter what, I have always been there. I don’t judge, I don’t talk until everything they have to let out is said, I don’t even tell them what’s going on i my life because at those […]
23 suicide attempts this year.
300+ cuts fresh and old
does anyone care? no
recently i cut arms (left) from my shoulder to my wrist in all directions and in all depths. and my right fore arm the same. i WANT to go to a mental hospital i WANT help but me parents refuse. i use to cut for the fuck of it and at that time i would also pop pills and smoke weed without a care in the world. but now my life has hit the bottom im a home schooled loser with no friends anymore. people hate talking to me for what ever reason i […]
just when you think you can handle everything you in the end you can’t i am never understood by anyone and you have to know my story in order to judge me. you only know my name not my story so do not judge me before hearing it. if you want to hear my story all you have to do is ask and you can tell me yours in return i am here to listen but do not think i do not understand anything because i do. i understand a lot of things sometimes you have to explain something to me but do not think […]
I used feel pitty for myself cause I had so many bad things happen to me. And now I feel empty like I’m just waiting for the next thing to come and hit me. And I’m not saying that my life is so shit blah blah cause no one gives a shit I get that now, but to me that’s not fair. how can people just be blinded by someone in so much pain they would rather put themselves to sleep than to have to face another day. I don’t want to kill myself I want to live my life happy and free from pain, […]
Me. I caused my life to be this way. I am defective. I was given choices and I may not have always made the right choice. But from those choices, good or bad, right or wrong, I am here. Here is not a good place. Â I am sorry, my head is a bit messed up tonight thinking too much about the choices I made in my life. I need a distraction.
I tried it before when I was younger but I didn’t know what I was doing and I failed. Â Actually, I tried it twice. Â Both attempts were stupidly executed. Â One was pills and that resulted in me just getting really sick, and upset. It felt like my brain was wrapped in wool inside my skull and I was hearing everyone talk to me through that barrier. Â And I threw up. Â FAIL.
The other time, I gave myself too much opportunity to back out, and that’s what I did.
20 years later, I want to do the same thing (die), but I don’t know how.
I’ve tried to […]
People try to understand me.
They think they can.
But people always underestimate me.
That’s all part of the plan.
It will all make sense soon.
Just wait and see.
The look on your face will be priceless.
When you realize it’s me.
There will be rumors and talk for awhile.
But the principal can’t just hide.
He’ll have to tell you all sooner or later.
That I committed suicide.
Some of you will care.
Maybe even shed a few tears.
But like our friendship,
I will fade over the years.
My memory will die with freshmen graduation.
Hide the horrible truth from the new generation.
But im happy with my decision.
Nothing you say matters at all.
Because I’ve realized my purpose in life.
I am […]
Meh, I get lonely way too easily, but I have no one to talk to and nothing to do/distract myself with.
My best friend left for vacation, other friend left to live somewhere way far away for a month.
So another weekend completely alone for me.
Yay.
//Why am I even writing this?
A very interesting age old question thats been asked for 1000’s of years. as Donnie pointed out….Scientist’s say no, but we are led to believe by Mediums that there is NO death, we simply move on to the next phase of existance, I’m not sure myself…….I have had a NDE (near death experience) and yes…..saw a tunnel with a bright light at the end and yes…I seemed to be floating up through this tunnel….. which has also been reported by so many thousands of other people around the world, but what really is it?….a chemical release of the brain at near death?…..a vision or gateway […]
I am so sick of this.
All my life I’m been invisible. An afterthought in people’s mind. Never the 1st choice. People always forget I exist until they need something. My two “best friends” just talk to each other in school and ignore me.
I realized a few days ago that I don’t have any friends. They don’t care about me. They don’t try to talk to me at all unless I say something first. If they text me, after I reply they never say anything back.
A few years ago we went to a field trip. Me and my two “best friends” misunderstood what a teacher said […]
I realized that I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live.
I don’t now what I want anymore, it’s like I’m living in a fog/haze I’m not studying I’m not trying hard in dance I’m not evening trying to put up a front.
I would kill myself, but I’m afraid of the pain
I’m starting too not want too talk to my family I just go up too my bedroom and stay up there then go down stairs for dinner say a quick “hi” and then eat then go too my bed for the rest of the night.
I’m taking up space I know it […]
Simple.
It’s not the loneliness – which I can never seem to shake.
It’s not that my best friend – Is who used to be the love of my life and I can never have her.
It’s not that I lost my feelings towards her – while she was the only thing that I cared for.
It’s not my lack of ability to miss or feel – I am fine without them.
Not even the lack of the ability to choose my fate – and being dictated it by my country.
It’s the fact that, no matter what I do, what I try, what I think I want – I get bored of it, I dispose of it, I […]
Is there anybody out there? a question I’ve been asking since I was 4 years old, I see shadows of what looks like people, I hear voices of what sounds like people and yet I see, I hear no one……no one to see me, no one to hear me, no one to feel me, I am today, a living ghost, a lost spirit and a soul in torment, my beautiful heart, shattered as pain runs through my veins 🙁 I can not live without my life, I can not live without my soul and yet…..I breathe, existing in my own private hell, in my abyss […]
Sometimes i wanna take the easy way out. Like my Dad. When i was little i used to be so lonley and small, i used to try to semerge myself in the tub and hope i wouldnt give up,and come up for air. I used to yell into my pillow, cry but not just cry.. Soul cry. I like to write alot, hope to make it a Career so, listen up. See, 64 year olds they get a little crazy at that age. My grandma is a old winkley ***** that you just wanna punch in the face because she doesnt hear stuff right and […]
Everyone is out there getting ready for my favorite party of the year… The one day that “you can be whoever you want to be”, I will be spending here, in front of this computer. I always loved fantasy and once had dreams the size of Jupiter. I believed in fairytales and miracles and that the sky was the only limit… Those were the times in which, even when it got dark and scary, I’d find the courage and strenght to continue on my quest to the other end of the rainbow. According to me, no matter what hand I had been dealt with in […]
Well, this is my first post on here, so might as well tell you why I’m here.
I had the perfect life, weren’t many people in it but those I had were the best. I depended mostly on my best friend and boyfriend. I was doing great with studying. I didn’t speak to my parents much but when I did they were friendly and supportive.
I had been with my boyfriend for 9 months, but it felt like forever, which isn’t a bad thing. We rarely argued and when we did we were quick to forgive each other. We often talked about the future and I convinced […]
I really wanted to leave. But I didnt. I just lay here in my bed crying, curled up in a ball. Which is how I spend most of my days, actually.
I texted my only friend. I dont know why. The conclusion of that conversation was that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. There were various reasons: I’m selfish. I live in my own world. I have a lack of respect. I treat people like shit.
Thoe all sound like very legit reasons. I just spend the last hour making sure I absolutely have no contact with the outside world whatsoever except for this […]