General

I could almost kill myself out of happiness right now. I’m on the phone with her while she is going to sleep. This is how we used to always be when we were together. We were 1000 miles apart but we had such a strong bond. There were countless nights of me talking her to sleep and not hanging up until I knew she was asleep. We had a video chat that lasted 12 hours one time. God I love her so much and I dread the day that somebody else comes and takes these nights away from me. It’s just the fact that I […]

I just can’t seem to let the past go, even though I know I should.

I hate my father for things he has done years ago, even though now in the present he tries to get close to me. I just push him away, or give him one-word answers. It makes me feel like a horrible person because here I am with a father that loves me and yet I hate him.

I hate my ex-best friend for the mean things he has said to me, even after he apologized 28492741 times and even SAVED MY LIFE.

I still think about rude comments that random people have said […]

More shit hit tha fan and im being pushed to suicide, but how, how do i kill myself, itz not easy but i keep trying and will continue to do so, If you go through so much b.s and cant find a way to be happy, we have our choice to end our lives whenever we reach our points, ive tryed three times last month, im not scared of death, i just cant wait to go… i am still looking for new ways so i cant fuck up my own suicide again… damn..i know i have less then 4 months to live and i will […]

wow. i LOVE school finally! everyone is sooo nice. i have a lot more friends then i ever had. so school went perfectXD i get home :/ sister takes her frustation out on me..she got in yet again another arguement with her friends. then i get out to go babysit THANK GOD! i get home and shes more pissed she makes me clean her room…and cuz i didnt make her bed quick enough she slapped me really hard and it stang like a mothafucka then she decided shed punch me til i cried…then finally my dad screamed at her to go to bed…and he kicked […]

Realizing so slowly

That Angel is a mama’s boy…

A pretender

A user

A liar

Just like this one girl that I was best friends with

Its weird, cuz I never had notice it before

Until now.

All the memories

Have changed

The happy ending never there…

Everything has disappeared into thin air

but problem is now

I don’t care

Too me everything before

Never was meant

Everything that I dreamed about

Wasn’t real

Angel says he cares

But reality,

Just like the girl

Her mother said the same

Thankfully now

I know

No more hopes;

No more dreams

Not even a bit of light saved

Darkness

Covered once again

I have been

Killed

Returning with just broken wings

Only “her” memories have been restored

Angel was never mine to begin with.

All I could do is die

Tortured by all living souls

Fly away

With suffering pain

Fly […]

fuck my life just fuck it i hate my life i want my ex back i hate school i have no friends who even bother to hang with me i am alone i am sad i want to die i want to die i want to die i hate my life there is nothing good about nothing at all

So we were finally talking as friends again and she said something that absolutely killed me. But it made me so happy at the same time. She asked “didn’t you know?” And so naturally I said “know what?” She sent one simple message. “You are irreplaceable.” 🙁

I don’t pretend to know all the answers.  I suffer often.  I have researched psychology and sociology for the good part of a decade now and I would like to share my findings in hopes of clarifying my stance against sociological problems and to also let you know what I’m up against.  These experiments are based on primal, simple psychology and are used to control the masses, on a daily basis.  If you see how society is so F’d up, then I guess I should rephrase “I would like to share my findings in hopes of clarifying OUR stance against sociological problems and to also […]

feeling hopeless and pretty worthless right now…  had a okay day, cried when i saw my ex boy friend i had my friends there to hug me and support me which is the first in a while.. i started cutting my self again…  i talked to the girl who my ex likes or who he left me for and she said that he and her have been getting close and he tells a lot of stuff she says that he talks about me a lot and he misses me honestly i do not know if he likes me or her my therapist said that i […]

today my own mother informs me she is going to chicago the first week of my junior year wont even be here for support. then the next week her and my dad are leaving to go on vacation with my brother i hate being the background of the happy family just an acessory.

This probably won’t flow at all. Or make sense, that’s for sure. But I’m writing it anyways.

Before the summer started, I was still able to hide my feelings. Everyone thought I was happy considering I smiled and laughed constantly. But they were wrong. I don’t remember the last time I was truly happy. The summer only made things worse. I stayed home all day, listened to music, and let my thoughts take over. Everything eventually became a blur. I used to cry myself to sleep every night but now I just lay there with a blank expression. I never thought I’d get used […]

I try every day to write down my story but nothing comes out. I just can’t explain what I’m going through.

I have come to a conclusion/realization. If you have been hurt by the end of a relationship with somebody that you loved, this won’t be the news you want to hear and most certainly isn’t a happy idea. You may think it’s the end of the world because the one you love is gone. I know that’s what I thought. There was no convincing me that I should continue living. All I wanted was the end. Quick and painless, slow and painful; I didn’t care. I wanted an end to the pain I was in more than anything. I finally came to a realization though. […]

I’ve found bridal paths,but see hourse riders there all the time and they might spot me.
Country lanes,but usually have houses around and paranoid they will see me.
and industrial estates,but they are sometimes patrolled.Don’t wanttobe caughtand send to the nut house.
Any ideas?

I wanna talk. Lots and lots.

I don’t know why. I wanna meet new people.

I like meeting new people…. Unless… They turn out like… Him….

I’m still not crazy.