For general topics related to the site.
I wish for peace and prosperity to all…and also for the animals to enter the realm of eternal bliss.
My body has been used
Many times
Over and over again by the same man
I feel filthy
Scars all over my body
Unsure of what diseases I carry
Disgusted by the memories
It will never happen again
But people take what they want and go
Leaving their mark
Reopen wounds that healed
I can’t give myself to anyone
I’m broken and covered in my blood
It will be quick, come on babe
Results into another attempt
I thought sex was supposed to be good
I thought drugs were supposed to make you feel better
My addiction is death
At least kill me before you […]
I have been on this site for about 6 years. But I have been suicidal since I was 8 and I have been trying to die ever since. I don’t know how or why I’m still alive. I barely get by and it’s so obvious that I’m beyond depressed. Either no one notices or no one cares. It’s not their job anyway. I don’t expect shit from anyone in this world. I hate myself. I hate my skin. I constantly want to cut it and burn it. All I want is death. I deserve to be unhappy and miserable. It’s where I belong. Death is […]
You know what eats away at you after a while?
Having to lie to your family every goddamn day that you’re doing fine. Knowing they want to help you, wanting to be helped and yet not wanting help at the same time. Having to pretend that you’re not thinking of killing yourself. Seeing that you’re family is blissfully unaware of what’s coming. Having to lie to your doctor, your psychologist, your fucking therapist, that you aren’t planning on killing yourself.
Part of you is screaming, “JUST TELL THEM!” Not because you want to, but because you just don’t want to lie anymore. But you keep your mouth […]
There’s a sinking in my stomach and a stabbing in my brain.
I find myself hiding and focused on the pain.
The wounds you cannot see are more severe than those you can.
But you can’t unwitness the bloody floor on which you stand.
You take a moment to contemplate, seeing through the terrifying darkness.
A realization that is suffocating, with its bitter sharpness.
The pit is so immense the light can’t reach the jagged rocks below.
You can look but you will never know.
I’m screaming with the unheard voice of agony.
You can’t feel this yet I’m seeking out your empathy.
I’m shaking violently to hold back the […]
I’m tired, I’m just so tired. This feels like a dream again, I’m scared, they’re all turning strange.
Who am I? Who am I? What’s wrong with me? I don’t want to know anymore, I doubt I care anymore, when’s a better time? The sky is lighting up, a gradient of maya blue. The night, or what’s left of the night isn’t too dull, the temperature is just fine. You’ve thought about it all, it’s alright to
I cant write another word, this is not what or how I’m feeling, I’m always different, I’m always flickering between these shit, I won’t ever know what […]
Doesn’t it look kinda like a painting?
for the last couple of days i post here, in this site and although im very much depressed and suicidal i must admit that writing helps, even if its lost in the cyberspace moments later, the pressure seems to lessen for a small amount of time.
this time around (being suicidal with plans and almost a definite date, that is) the urge is a lot stronger than before. the miserable time im having all this years is accumulating and gathering inside me, it really freaks me out because i might really take action and although i know life is shit and its gonna get a lot […]
I’m going to lose him the same way I lost my last best friend only this time it hurts. It’s all my fault but there’s nothing I can do….
Do you ever think that maybe you were born to die. That maybe suicide is your fate. I think it’s mine….
Just that morning in which i was driving through the busy traffic on the main avenue, i was thinking about the gravity. When i was still halfway up the bridge, and still advancing, I thought of the meaning of the word placebo, which led me to think in the band of the same name. Placebo is a thing that doesn’t have a long term effect, i think. Every day i am looking for one so it doesn’t affect me the idiots in the street or to worry if i’m late, or even if i’m going to go back home or not. I usually thought, that […]
almost crying but cant, i feel the tears inside my eyes but wont release them.
anger building up inside me without an outlet, charging me with darkness and dread.
feels like i reek of desperation and just cant wash away the stench.
im all decayed inside and this urge… this malevolent urge to hurt myself extremely –
to obliterate myself and to be done with this… this twisted existence is immense.
theres always this hellish day and another day and another and another without any mercy..
pain, filled to the brim with it. hate it but cant give it up – its all i got.
detached, alone, incapable of coping or coming […]
This is going to be one of the stranger things I’ve posted.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s thought about what they would do with a time machine. Maybe fix a mistake they made in the past, warn themselves about incoming danger, kill Hitler. Those are all perfectly normal fantasies.
Me, I want to kill myself. Maybe that’s normal here. There are probably a lot of people on here who would go back to a failed suicide attempt to do it right. But that’s not really what I want to do. I want to go back to a very specific time in my life. My […]
Last night I had a nice dream. Was laced with negative imagery but over all, the emotion was good, when I woke up, I tried to sleep again to re immerse myself.
I think in hindsight that the first part of the dream involved murder, someone was unfortunately and for whatever reason, put to death. I was either responsible or witness. The atmosphere, mood and environment, made that part undeniably gruesome and difficult to process. However, my next recollection was of my 2 cats running down the same bush track meowing in glee while i was off further around the bend heading to familiar territory.
I remember […]
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fuck dude how i experience life just isnt good.
theres a permanent disconnect between me and the world im interacting with
i have been depressed since i was 12. i turned 18 a week ago.
i didnt think i would make it this far. i thought i would have killed myself […]
Was gonna write a big one with lots of relatable sentiments and articulate a bunch of terminal grievances.
Changed my mind.
Thanks for reading.
~fin
I tried to killed myself last night. I used the gun I always owned. Im decently proficient in using it and no matter what I tired it did not go off when I put it too my head. I’m agnostic and I don’t know if this was a sign from God to keep living or bad luck. I’m siad goodbye to my love ones and surprisingly when I texted my mom that I loved her, since I’ve never been able to say it too her in person she called me to make sure I was ok. I don’t know if this is a […]
If I may ask, is everyone here working (or still have to go to work, for survival/money) ? Or not? (honestly, I’m almost unemployed myself, due to my severe existential depression). If you do, then do you hate your job? Or quite fortunate/lucky to love your job? Yet perhaps still feel pessimistic about life? If you work, and hate your job, then seriously, how do you cope with this life daily/everyday? Let’s share, thanks
is it really though?
My existence is absurd. Perhaps that is true for everyone. But mine especially. To be so consumed by what is expressly forbidden to me, more at this time than at any point in history. It’s obscene. And not even something that’s necessary for survival, but a distortion, based on my own inadequacies. How sick in the head do you have to be to torment yourself like that?
What do y’all think?
Are you all convinced there is non-existence after death?
What about all that jazz about re-birth/reincarnation/afterlife?