General

It’s so hard to get through the day

but on top of everything In my life everyone else still expects the same of me, and in some cases more.

My teachers expect homework no matter what on the day its due. When sometimes tell them I don’t have it , they mostly ask why… I almost want to break down and tell them everything. Tell them that I didn’t do my homework because I was drunk and I cut myself. They wouldn’t understand, so I just say I forgot to write it down

My coaches expect me to be able to keep up with all the physical work […]

It’s funny the things we can survive. There are things that literally seem like they could kill us, but here we are. It’s amazing the amount of pressure the human mind can take.

And sometimes the mind breaks. It can’t handle all the pressure to be perfect, the demand to conform.

I’m pretty. I have beautiful long dark chocolate brown hair and mysterious denim blue eyes that can take anyone’s breath away. I’m not obnoxious or timid; I catch you off guard with my sarcasm and wit.

I’m all of what society says I should be except for one thing- I’m fat. And I’m not talking […]

sometimes i wonder what the point of living this life is.

I was born to a great family that deeply loves me. The love they have for me is immense, and it fills my heart with joy. I love you Dad, I love you Mom, I love you lil sis. I have such a bright future. School, University… I have always been very good at it. I am very good at it…. However, my private life became a source of gratification through hedonism. Slowly, I put myself into bigger risks forgetting the bigger picture. I didn’t care who I hurt as I went around searching for self gratification.  Until finally, a vengeful former “friend” decided to […]

I don’t know… Why I’m writing this… I’m a Christian; a truly devout follower of Christ, and I love God with all my heart. But the pain is too much.

Waiting for everyone to go to sleep….

i cant go one day without needing reassurance.. im alone hate my life and am hurting at levels i never imagined possible..
i need someone..
anyone

Im 27. I have been depressed and have had periods of serious suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. Ive tried making massive lifestyle changes, I no longer drink or use drugs and I excercise daily. Ive tried changing my thought processes, Ive tried talking to people. Ive decided that I am sick of living the lie. Happiness is not possible for me, and Ive finally began to make my exit plan. I will not survive the winter.

So I quit. I can’t keep going thru this. I’m not sure what I expected to find here but I guess nobody in my life cares if I die. I thought maybe I could find a group that understood pain and relate. But I’m nothing. One step from non existent. Good bye

I’ve just lost everything now. This is the final straw of it all. I’ve had similar situations before and contemplated suicide, but always stuck it out to see if things got better. They did and they didn’t but now everything’s gone and I’m exhausted from trying to wait if things can get better even when these thoughts are still constantly in the back of my mind. My life just doesn’t make any sense, I’m on a path of destruction and slowly rotting to death anyway from the inside with bulimia.

No matter what I try there is no way out anymore. Before I thought the answer was just to pretend that it doesn’t exist. And now? The only way out for me – straight and fast.

ok so im what i think pretty and nice but why do i always feel like poop. i live with my mom and her boyfriend.  hes an ass hole i get yelled and cursed at non stop. how im stupid and a ***** and a stuck up brat.i would go live with my dad but he doesn’t  want me. he left to go live with his girlfriend.i use to think i had a easy life then i learned the truth. my one brother is gay thats hard because ppl make fun of him.my other brother is a drug addict and a hobo. my last brother is ”different” hes has […]

This isn’t some impulse decision spurred on by some recent tragedy or whatever. I’ve given this plenty of thought over the last two years and this is really what I want. So I’m sitting here at some library 60 miles from my house getting everything ready (I decided that when I did this, I didn’t want to spend my last moments at or near my home) and since I’ve come here every so often to read other people’s stories, I thought I might as well post something here. Not really sure why, I spent most of the last few years dreading the thought of communicating […]

Why? Why must the person i know be gone from me. The aching feeling not being able to talk to him anymore. To laugh with him. To hug and smiile knowing i have him in my arms and we were destient to meet. Why god? Why take someone who met the world to me. Who met the world to everyone. Was this all just a plan? a trick? What could that possible be. I would cry out my tears knowing i cant get him back. That i have to wait till my time is up to be able to see him again. Although he didn’t […]

If anyone here has a fair amount of knowledge about zopiclone, please hit me up, i have some questions i wanna ask, my address: MrSebastior@gmail.com

I had a good two weeks; today(just now actually) that  drowning/suffocating feeling started creeping back. Back to the realization that I have nothing in this world to really hold onto, to tie me down. I feel like dying, like laying down.

I moved out of my dads buddies house and am pretty much homeless. My stuff is neatly stacked in my moms living room(4 boxes, crate of records) and I sleep on the couch. I say homeless cause my mom is my mom and if she weren’t my mom then I wouldn’t be the way that I am today. She’s volatile to be around (usually, I […]

As if life isn’t bad enough now I’m finding myself paranoid. Great everything is against me. I’m sure people are out to get me. I’m so detached. I have no idea the difference between my imagination and reality

For me it’s my fear of death.

Please forgive me for this waffle. I guess i am needing to let it all out cos i am really in the worst place rightnow. I dont feel i have any future or reason to live. I keep trying for strenght to end it all and dont know why i cant. I know its not what i ultimately want but i cant find any other way out of all this pain. All i can think of is all the bad stuff, I cant find any good. Im 35 and single again. Got to find myself somewhere new to live on my own again and have […]