General

Overdosed on my meds, just got me high as fuck.  I don’t even remember how many I took there’s only like 3 left in the bottle.  Still have a migraine 2 days later.

This summer my dad was supposed to move out and everything was supposed to be normal. Notice how i keep saying supposed ? yeahh well things change or else thats what my dad did, somehow he changed my moms mind about moving out. so now im still stuck in this hell whole. Im a depress 16 year old trying to manage highschool and my life. My dad said he would change and what do you know hes still an alcoholic who loves his beer or vodka more then his own family. typical? yeah  i guess it is but to whoever is reading this, you ever […]

I can get through this, it will get better. I just know it will.

I’ve been praying for death the last few nights. I know it is such a stupid thing to do. Why waste my prayers on such a thing? It is selfish for one thing and it does me no good. I should be praying for a job I can manage or a better relationship with my family.

I worked very hard to put myself in a position to do well even though I’ve always been sad and never had much confidence. I’m at a point right now where I don’t know what I’ll do. I got to the point where I let myself go because I knew […]

I take these pills to make me thin.
I dye my hair, and cut my skin.
I tried everything, to make them see me
but all they see is someone that’s not me.

Even when I’m walking on a wire,
even when I set myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?
Everyday I try to look my best
even though inside I’m such a mess.

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Here inside, my quiet hell
you cannot hear my cries for help.
I tried everything to make them see me,
but every one sees what I can’t be.

Even when I’m walking on barb […]

I’ve been doing some thinking. I’ve been depressed since I was 14-15ish… That’s when I first started dating… I feel really bleak inside. I invest, the whole of myself into these relationships from the get go, and they never pan out. When we break up, I’m lonely, and feel worse. Recently my ex-girlfriend, the one who mattered most admitted to me she was never happy with me, which tore a large chunk out of me, considering I was at my best with her. I felt something that wasn’t so desolate. But in the end, it was just me… It was a selfish relationship, I’m the […]

Recently, I was drawn to search many times online, and speaking with God as a way to understand myself, and as a way to seek forgiveness and repentance for what I’ve done. I think most of us at any point in life do consider suicide as a way out. It seems straightforward, and quick. It also avoids us to confront our issues, our families, our friends, and many other thoughts that shape our existence.

Days and nights feel long. Darkness surrounds us squashing any sense of hope. I feel that. The worse is the shame, despair and anguish. The uncertainty of what another day brings to […]

My son he was always on the xbox and computer and he tried this new game called minecraft he went online and found this other kid called badflop he was freinds for a while until his freind decided to send hit hate mail and ban him from playing we didnt beleive him so he kept trying to stop it and it didnt work so he went to his freinds house punched them came homa and killed himself……

In loving memory of zachary smith 1999-2011 i love you zachary

I tried cutting but it hurts too much. Even though i know that’s the point. I still can’t do it but i want to. any ideas?

 I was eleven years old when it first occurred to me I could escape my problems by killing myself. The thought gave me immense comfort and a feeling of utter calm.  It still does and I am now in  my late thirties.  I know eventually I will do it and I have made all the necessary arrangements to avoid inconveniencing anyone. My parents would be devastated by my death, so I will not do it while they are still here. That would be much  too selfish.  I have no wish to cause anyone any pain.

 I have no children and my husband and I barely speak. The […]

I think despite the fact that my heart is healing. I am scared to confess what I’ve done to my family, and to look for forgiveness to the people I have hurt. I know it’s was right, and that I should do it regardless of the outcome. I’ve been praying for strength and wisdom almost every day. I hope that people understand. I am not perfect. I am flawed. I was selfish, but I don’t want to be that anymore. I want to live my life toward the good. It is a difficult objective, but I believe there’s enough hate and suffering already. I think […]

My friend committed suicide the other week. I had no clue. About a year before that i had suicidal thoughts but I never acted on them. I just bottled them up. I convinced myself that they weren’t there. But now that she committed suicide. She has rekindled everything. Its all i think about. But im too scared of the unknown. That there wont be anything after I die.

Plus i have two little sisters and I would hate to leave them like that. But i want to. Just to stop all the anxiety and suffering. I can’t tell anyone about these thoughts because they will send […]

This is the beginning of the end as Churchill said. I have done the research and made all the right preparations. I wanted to post something anonimous but it’s hard these days it seems. Anyway I’m calm and ready. I feel only now what to write and how. Be nice if it was memerable but not likely. Never been much of a writter. Odd that at the end I feel no sadness, or fear, just rage at the price of my red wine. Not even that good. I know medical staff don’t understand, oh they have the facts and theories but only a bat knows […]

I’m 12, My dad cheated on my mum, and hasn’t talked to me for 11 months or so now,

i’ve been getting really suicidal, and have started cutting.. Only people closest to me know, and think it’s time for me to seek help, the thing is. I dont know how to tell my mum, it will only make her feel worst, Than what she is.

Somedays, I wake up, Wanting to end it, and not be here, like i’m doing everyone a favour and vanishing..I feel like someone’s came and cut me open, and let me wide open, I don’t know how someone so young, can hold […]

She has small kids that are unruly and destructive, a husband that cares more about playing video games than helping out around the house and then there is my mother who both helps and enables that dysfunctional family.

I am convinced if she were allowed to get the proper rest and had a hubby as a partner instead of as another child she wouldn’t feel this way. It takes all my strength to help her stay positive, but if I were her I’d want to die too. She just wants sleep and help around the house. How do I convince her to live when […]

I am not a cutter. I have never been suicidal. Life has always been about accomplishing the mission… but now there is her, or should I say and then there was her? Oh how I loved her. She was my great muse… my great love. After she left I fell into a bottle. The mission of my life quickly became this: Get fucked up and forget. The downward spiral has lasted about 8 months now. I am addicted to alcohol, drugs, and sex. The weight of my sins grows heavy on my shoulders. My legs are bowed, and my back is tired. Something has to give…