General

Everything is bad.  I have a bad relationship with my parents and brother and i always will.  Everyday I go to school people mess with me.  Girls dont’ like me, it would be more accurate to say they just hate me.  I sit alone and cry in my room and pretend a girl is there hugging me and telling me they love me, but I know no one loves me.  I never felt any real love from my family or anybody really, except my friends but I think Im just a burden on them most of the time.  My family is very poor and I […]

but I’m still here, last week I tryd to end it. but failed…. life fkn sucks! on house arrest, can’t go out, instead I sit at home depressed, thinking 24/7… up on some serious charges, if found guilty at trial probly have to do 2 years in jail. I have social anxiety and jail is a living hell. no way I can do that much time, last year was in for 3 months. it was brutal. drinking has ruined my fkn life…. I wish I got help and quit. but I didn’t well…. I can’t blame no one but my […]

I am a complete fuck up. I screw everything up. I push people away. They dont wanna see me. They dont wanna talk to me. So whats the fucking point. When i die should i really say goodbye to them. Is it realy worth the sofe blow for them. Should i make them any fucking better. I hate my life. I hate the people who is always stare or talk about me. I hate the people that they make me even more of a fuck up than i already am. I shouldnt leave a note. I should just leave in silence and hope they find […]

I just cut myself deep enough to see bone. And I don’t know why. I’m not even that depressed today. Funny thing is, I know it won’t leave a scar. I don’t get scars. My skin heals, always. A friend of mine has worried and angered me… If they’ve done what I think they’ve done, I never got to say goodbye, or that I cared about them. They just disappeared in the middle of a conversation.

My new school had helped, some, but in other ways it’s the same as my old school. I don’t understand why I even bother going…

I’m so confused… I know […]

You said you would love me for forever and a day…..you begged me to move 3000 miles to be with you…….you married me with words on that mountain in Santa cruz because you wanted me to know that I was yours and that you wanted me to be your wife one day……you told my son, my brothers, my friends you would take care of me and would let nothing happen to me…..tell me how you could change your mind in 5 months? I gave you my heart, soul, and body…I had never loved anyone in 43 years as much as I love you….You were my […]

   don’t call me a hypocrit because i’m talking about this being in my position. anyway, i have this one friend and i’m sure she has an eating disorder. she eats as little as possible, tiny nibbles when she eats a sandwich, when she comes to parties she’s not piggging out like the rest of my friends, and she’s rail thin.

   another friend i have has an eating disorder and cuts and burns herself. she chugs pop before meals so she’s not hungry and she has a stash of lighters and razor blades in her room. i’ve know she cuts for a while but just […]

people are only looking for there happiness, but they become selfish and you learn sooner or later your alone and they where just looking out for themselves and when you asking for there help they go on like nothing happened. I’m done with this fucking shit, I was literally crying my eyes out to my best friend and no one could take out 5 minutes to help me, she said to me” i don’t wanna fight”, in my head i was like “what the fuck ,where you even listening to anything i was saying; i don’t wanna fight, i want to Die”, not everything is […]

41 years since you died Jimi, may you rest in piece

My plan is complete, my date is set. I will not fuck it up this time. I’m finally over my sense of obligation to others. Today was the end of that. I can’t get anyone to listen or take me seriously. I can’t even get anyone to fucking talk to me. And no one can say I didn’t try because I’ve been screaming my fucking lungs out for months. So that’s it. I’m done. It was a wild ride and I didn’t enjoy any of it. What the fuck was the point? To see how much shit one person can bear before they break? To […]

I think it’d be a pretty cool day to die, either that or January 11th, what do you guys think?

The house…
its dark.
Its quiet
but i can hear the tv.
I can hear the voices
coming from the tv.
Is this what really happens
when i am trap in my room.
Does this…
really happen.
When we are all trap
in our little world.
Has our house
become nothing but
an abandon place
where the silence creeps
and the tv flashes on
with nothing but noise.

i think im possed by a life that controls life in which were all victims im dillusional. and i think if there is away to “Heaven” i really dont like sinning i want a way out

woke up. feeling shit. as usual.

i can’t be happy. even in my dreams. *cries*

I haven´t written here for a long time. When found this site I was really messed up. I didn´t know what to do with my life. I still don´t know. I like to think that my depression doesn´t rule my life. That I can control it but sometimes I still fail. I have made peace with it. Atleast I hope so.
Tomorrow is my 18-th birthday. A few years back I was sure that my 17- th would be my last. Thankful it wasn´t. I lived to fight another year with my inner darkness. This year has thought me a lot. […]

I remember the last time my mother took the family and left the state. I relapsed and went in to the hospital 3 months later. Im scared. What if it doesnt take that long this time.