General

I’m tired of following
all the rules,

Listening to others,
hearing their ignorance,

And pretending they
aren’t stupid.

I’m tired of worrying
about money,

That it will run out,

Staying home and
playing games.

I’m tired of caring
what my family thinks of me,

Of trying to be
understanding of them,

When they have no
understanding of me.

I’m tired of applying
for jobs,

When my resume shouts
I’m of an age

Employers do not want
to hire.

I’m tired of letting my
creative talents rot

In the face of a world

That has no use for
them.

I wish I were tired
enough to sleep

But soon I will be.

Then I can fight my
battles in dreams;

Not win, not lose, […]

Im tired of being here. Im tired of hearing the fucking voices that live with me. I’m tired of seeing the same person i go to gym everyday. I really find it very useless to live here and be able to breath this air. I dont care who i hurt im just ready to end it. Poor Poor weather why must it rain. Why must it be like this. To stop the only oppuritiny i have. When i am only is either wet or raining. You really like letting me down. You really like putting me in more misery.Oh how i would like to rip […]

Thats it..itz done..she didnt need me no more she not guna giv in2 me no more bcuz im fuken suicdal..yes ifuken am n ialwayz giv her bs bs bs n ibitch 2 much n nvr leave her alone ….ifukd up bigtime wit her :/ but y doez she wana b wit some1 lik me who iz suicidal im jzt lik those other ppl…n now itz time 4 me 2 go up :(..Dania im srry im srry im srry n no jzt bcuz u ended it wit me im not doin thi bcuz of that im doin it bcuz..bcuz…me n u prob nvr were ment 2 […]

my dads got cancer my mum moved away ages ago i have no family at all just me n my dad whos dieing the house is a shit hole. Im skinny n dont eat properly or sleep just would describe it as living just existing n i wana call it a day!! Christmas dosnt exsist for me or birthdays no cake no cards just wanna fall asleep n not wake up. If any1 is like minded add me on msn warehouse81@hotmail.co.uk just havent got the balls to do it on my own

I’ve fucking had it, there’s way too much petty arguments and stress on this planet. I really want to leave soon. I was going to today but couldn’t find the damn ropes I was looking for, but hopefully this month.

I feel so angry im depressed.  I dont like feeling like this but just knowing what is being said and sent around just makes me so much more mad. I feel homicidal at times and I shouldnt.  Guys just have a way of messing with your head.  The guy that I thought was my boyfriend because we liked each other isnt a boyfriend at all.  He is playing games with my head.  One of his friends is spreading roomurs around where I go to school.  I knew him before I knew my somewhat boyfriend.  I am 4’11” and wiegh around 125lb. He is 220lb about […]

I keep pushing forward in my life but I always find myself back at the point of not caring.

I’m moving this weekend to a house with people I don’t know. It’s a friend of my father that’s going to let me stay in his spare room, rent free, indefinitely.

I told my father a month or so ago about what was bothering me, but really I was just ranting about things out of my control (goverments, society, god etc). He thinks I’m ready to top myself off which just isn’t the case (I’m just severely depressed, chronic). So he’s set up this whole thing […]

i’m here at work cryin to myself silently cause i am just not happy

its not like anything traumatic happened

i just dont feel loved, wanted or desired

dont feel smart eough, cute enough, rich enough

no friends, stupid boyfriend , no family where i live

i am beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me

do crazy people know they are crazy ?

is there like something really medically wrong with me why every other week i have severe sucidal and depressed feelings?

i dont know how to talk to anyone about this

i want to be normal and happy like everyone else

never thought i was retarded or anything wrong with me […]

howdy guys- seems appropriate in this context. um.. I think it’s human nature to talk about what one does, is interested in or preoccupied with, and in the case of socially taboo, illeagle, unpleasant and ideas contrary to indoctrination I guess dishonesty or silence and combinations of the two. I made some sodium cyanide last week and dissolved it in water, chased it with a glass of lemon juice and ended up throwing up a big mess of foam and having my throat burn for a few days after. it was pretty ‘swell. I live in a group house for drug addicts and pretty much […]

Every single night I fall asleep feeling disappointed in myself because once again… I screwed up.

I keep feeling that if I were a better person, I would be a little bit happier but it seems impossible to change my habits because they have become a part of me. I also feel that mistakes that I have made in the past are still part of me, they still define me, so I am not able to move on to become a better person.

I just want to feel like I’m good enough. Good enough for somebody to love me or somebody to care.

I have such an inability to deal with things sometimes. It’s as though the slightest bit of frustration can just set me off. I thought I was doing better the past week or so. I hadn’t hurt myself (intentionally) in any way, I was making some progress in my efforts to start running and it was just as though I had come to peace a little bit with myself and my life. But then last night I had this dream, and it was as though everything in my life was right. I’ve had dreams before about things I regret or miss or whatever, but this […]

   how pathetic am i? today i had some sort of panick attack in my socials class so i started sawing at my skin with a pen lid. that how desperate i am. it didn’t even cut. it just peeled back layers of skin until i got this weird not-even-bleeding patch on my arm. god, i’m a pathetic, worthless, waste of space on the face of this earth.

   one of the boys i was working with asked what i was doing and i relied all calmly “Trying to cut myself with a pen lid.” that prompted him to ask “Why?” I didn’t even have to […]

I just took 5,000 milligrams worth of pills. 6,000 milligrams worth of pills could kill somebody of my measurements. I’m already feeling the side effects. So what do you guys think? Should I take 2,000 more milligrams in pills? Make sure I finish the job? Or stop, drink a lot of water, flush it out of my system?

If I already know how I want to go, and if I’ve already spent years trying to get through a depression with no end in sight, why should I continue to suffer ? Why not just end it all ?