General

ive realized recently that i most likely have an anxiety disorder and depression. when i think about anything changing in my life i get this panic in my chest. it makes me feel physicly ill. when i wake up for school this dread washes over me. i dont know why i love school i get to see my friends and i get to do things that i enjoy. but every morning i get this terrible feeling in my stomach and i usually feel like im going to puke. its not like i get bulllied at school i have a pretty good school life. but the […]

My parents are kicking me out of my house. I’m eighteen and about to start college next week. They said that I can stay here until September, to find a new place to live.

What did I do to make them so mad?

I stayed out all night without letting them know where I was. But, I promised my friend that I wouldn’t leave his side. He called me and needed me to be there so I left. I held him while he cried and told me how much he wanted to die. I rocked him to sleep, safe in my arms.

So, screw my parents. It was […]

A lifetime of Fear and loathing… Self Rejection, Low Self Esteem, not knowing how to deal with hurt emotions nobody could understand cause everyone else was as heartless and shallow as I was… I am coming to a fork in the road of my life… i post on here to experience my emotions… something I was not taught by my dad… one thing my dad wasnt was a emotionally mature Man… my dad would beat me with jump ropes, fists, bang my head against the wall… verbally, mentally and physically abused… then tell me to stop crying or he would give me something to cry […]

I want God to kill me.  I want to be struck by lightning or hit by a car or something.  Nothing ever gets better.  I like to pretend one day a pretty new girl will show up at school and maybe she’d like me and we could become friends and then eventually she might want to be my girlfriend, but that won’t happen.  There will never be anybody out there for me.  I’m gonna die the way I lived, alone.  My family and I have never gotten along and my friends seem like they don’t like me, they just hang around me because it would […]

So, here’s my tale of woe. I’m 40 and everyone in my family is dead. I have Asperger’s syndrome, which makes it almost impossible for me to interact with others or form anything like a close, meaningful relationship. My life seems so empty and pointless—one struggle after another with no break and no reward. I’m not really sad or hurting anymore (now I’m mostly numb) but I am so very tired!

I want the sleep that Hamlet craves:

 
“To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, ’tis a […]

Well yesterday was an horrible day. It was the day i found out my best friend died and i wore all black for him. Got sent to guidence where they knew i was going to commit suicide and they knew my plan. Send my mom to the office telling them everything. Offer calling the criss center and now i had a criss person in my home trying to help me :L. Now its today im stuck at home cause i didnt want to go to school and i sitting here thinking is it worth all the trouble to save my life. I just found out […]

I’m a regular university foreign student.

I’ve been spending on credits and the debt is now gone to $6000, which I must repay by next month or legal action will be taken.

with only $700 in my bank account, I do not know what to do.

As a student, I do not know how to repay the debt by next month… as a foreign student, I do not know who else i can depend on too.

I’ve been in denial stage for quite sometime, which causes this debt to grow.And I find myself going into denial again,with my brain telling myself everything is fine and ok…

I think I need […]

I’m fourteen . I’m a very bad kid . I think I’m pregnant . I smoke . I drink . I feel dead inside . I feel like I’ve let everyone down . My ex boyfriend , who yes , I’m in love with … makes me so upset . He used me like a freaking playtoy . For eighteen months . I feel like a whore . Right now , writing this , I’m attempting to kill myself . Took fifteen tylenol . I want help . I want to save myself and this baby . But my heart can’t take this . I […]

I don’t know i feel like I’m lost right now. I feel as if I’m floating out in space, not able to take control of my life. I finished summer school and passed and that was such a relief. But i don’t want summer to end, because i don’t know what i want to do, my options are get a job or finish high school. And to be honest I don’t want to do either. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I think about killing myself everyday. To be honest the only thing stopping me is my parents. I cant do that to […]

I am dead inside… why wait any longer for the outside to catch up

For some, find themselves in the in the chasm of their misery. They find themselves and create great art such as music & poetry. I have done such things, that was a long time ago. Today, the only thing I see when I close my eyes, the only thought is a noose. In Middle School we used to do this thing to make one pass out. Many may be familiar, it’s where you bend over causing the blood to rush to your head then straighten up quickly while someone squeezes the side of the neck preventing the blood from flowing and you pass out […]

Hello everyone, I’m going to start off with “It’s been a while since I have posted here”  Or even looked at this website.  I would have liked to believe that I was getting better, but it seems that things only got worse.  I know people and they call me their friends, even though I’m just the “drop by and say hi but that’s it” aspect of their life.  I also get very mad easily.  I have my opinions and when people act like they are wrong, or like I shouldn’t have my own opinions, well that makes me very mad.  I hate when people tell […]

suicide is suddenly becoming a very interesting and easy way for me lately. with all the problems that keep on piling, suicide is becoming very, very pleasant by the minute! i know its like a coward’s way out but i don’t really care.

these are my problems..first off, i became an illegal alien in the country for 3 years. my source of funds is the occasional work that i’ll have for a few months and my savings. i’m living with relatives but i’m slowly becoming a burden so i decided to just pay someone to marry me for papers. i was married 3 months ago but […]

I don’t get it.. I’m not happy cause of this, cause I love her but I don’t feel loved it hurts a lot, so painful.. I don’t think she even know’s how much she hurts me. She uses this website too and she’s the one that got me using it.. I tell her I love her everyday and I always care about her.. Whenever she’s feeling down or crying I always talk to her on the phone and make her happy. She tell’s me she need’s time so I have to wait.. Wait for her… If she did feel the same about me she wouldn’t […]

So I’m in a seriously mellow mood right now…

Having a smoke and listening to local band 16 Stitch…

16 Stitch – Things They Say

What’s all this confusion.
Why must life be so hard at times.
Is this an illusion or just broken nerves, that they push right before our eyes.

Chorus: And I love the way you love me (backround: love me)And I hate the way they don’t even care anymore.(backround:I don’t care)

Like shells in the ocean, waiting to wash up on your shores. Praying for safe hands to rescue you, from the sands that drag you down below.

Chorus: And I love the way you love me […]

for all your concern, those that tried to change my mind. to you all i can say is, i’ve already made my mind and i’m going as soon as i’m know i’m doing my method.

thank you all for wishing me luck and all, i appreciate it. peace

ENGLISHBOY IF YOU’RE READING THIS, I GOT A COUPLE QUESTIONS I NEEDA ASK YOU;

So, when i block the carotids, i pretty much don’t feel anything, kinda light headed i suppose, is it still working right?

and, if it isn’t, or if it’s partly right, what am i supposed to feel then?