General

I’m at that stage where I don’t feel anything. I’m tired and I genuinely can’t do this anymore. Trying and failing seems to be the reoccurring process in my life. I’ll probably fail at death too.

I hate who I am.
I’m stuck in a fantasy world.
I can talk all day about what I’m depressed about & It’s still there.
My depression get’s so bad, I can’t sleep for day’s..
I also have insomia..Which makes it worse..
& I’m also bipolar..
& Let’s just say, I’m not really skinny..I’m fat.
My mom died when I was 7 & She was never really around..
She devoted her life to drugs.
My dad..Well..He left when I was born..& He did drugs to..
The only hope I had was my grandma..
I held her hand while she took her last breath..
I can’t […]

I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE EVERYTHING I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO FUCKING DIEEE

Overwhelmed with guilt,

Because every bite you take is a compromise.

Terrified of the things I need,

Because they lead me into a dark place.

I am a perfectionist,

Or maybe I just have a death wish.

In this game it’s all about loss, and gain,

But to me it has always been about the loss.

And I’m starving, but it’s okay;

It’ll be worth it in the end.

I’m far from what I want,

But it’ll be worth it in the end.

Beauty is pain as they might say,

And I’m in agony.

I’m screaming for forgiveness,

Because I know I am wrong, but I do not want to be right.

And with all the hurt inside,

I keep my secrets […]

I originally posted this about a almost a year ago and unfortunately I still haven’t worked up the courage to kill myself. Nothing has changed except I haven’t seen a mouse in awhile but if I’m not running the ac, I can  smell dead mice. I didn’t want to rewrite this, so I’m just reposting it. Today is my birthday. I’m 45 today and all I want for my birthday is the courage to end my life.. Or to die in my sleep. My preferred method of death is by drowning. There’s a place not too far my house where I think I could do […]

Hi guys,  as you saw on my post yesturday I was heading out to a water park/amusement park.  I had fun while I was there but it was hard for me because of my social issues.  I felt like people were staring at me and well someone said a rude comment to me.  ‘By the end of the day I felt so stressed out.  I don’t know where I’m going with this.  Hah ):

I heard can’t just drown in bathtub, need something to hold the head down for a while. How can I do that? If I get drunk, will it do?

I’m still considering drowning. Just thinking of doing it in a more private place.

I have felt all alone and lonely. It seems that no one likes/loves me. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me for another girl. Everyone else around me have got partners. When I see them walk hand in hand, hug or kiss, I feel so jealous. I just want someone to love me and hold me. Is it too much to ask for?

Someone please talk to me? Anyone? Whether you are suicidal or not, let’s get to know each other. I also get suicidal constantly because of my depression. Though, sometimes when I feel okay, I feel like I should give life a shot…Anyways, we could either […]

I am almost 31 and getting very tired of living and struggling. Won’t
go into my life story, however. I’m strongly considering suicide for
the past 2 or 3 years, but have not attempted it yet mostly out of
fear of pain and/or failure. Also, to a lesser extent, some
fear of death itself. But more afraid of scary, painful dying process
hence reluctance to take overdose, etc., to date. Thoughts of suicide
are with me all day every day. And I want to know I have an out. The
medications (except Valium, which is mine) I have access to belong to
a diabetic I […]

the grouch
“i was a young boy that had big plans now im just another shitty old man i dont have fun and i hate everything the world owes me so fuck you glory days dont mean shit to me i drank a six pack of apathy lifes a ***** and so am i the world owes me so fuck you wasted youth and a fistful of ideals i had a young and optimistic point of view wasted youth and a fistful of ideals i had a young and optimistic point of view ive decomposed yet my guts getting fat oh my god im turning […]

Guys, I am scared. I can’t sleep in the night and have been crying from day to night, my mind is restless. I have been swallowing pills, drinking shampoo, cutting myself, the urge to jump down from a building is so strong, but my mum’s devasted face is haunting me, I don’t want my family to live in guilt. What should I do? I am so scared, so scared that my life will be ended by myself.

in order to live

anyone know how long it takes to bleed out if u cut along side the vein?

So I know I was all happy because things were getting better. But they’re getting bad again.

I can’t go to Canada because it’s too expensive. So now I am staying here all summer and my mom expects me to be social. It’s not much to ask if I was normal. But I’m not and she’ll never understand because I can’t tell her about my depression. I gave her all the clues, I tried to tell her but all that came out was "I don’t want to talk to people." She’s clueless. I’ve even cut myself and she hasn’t noticed.(I’m not doing that for attention. I […]

I want to be myself
But my depression won’t let me
It’s like some monster that has captured me
I’m not the same
It forbids me to have any fun
It wants me dead
And it gets rid of anyone that stops that feeling
That feeling that you’re not worth anything
And even the simple things
That make you happy
It makes sure you don’t enjoy them
It makes me hate the sight of anyone
But mostly
It makes me hate life
And wish I was never even born.

People underestimate the power of this monster
They don’t see what it does to someone
How it […]

I feel as if i don’t have any. I mean i have many friends, but just not any that i think will be there when i need them. They never call or text me unless they have problems that they want me to help with. I feel like that’s selfish of them. They never call or text me to see how i am. It just..it hurts to feel like no one out there gives a damn about you and your friendship. I just want to tell all of them to fuck off.  But if i do that then i won’t have anything to start with.

So I stumbled upon this website a few years ago when I was googling different topics relating to suicide. It definitely has changed a lot. But now I’m back… Reading bits and pieces and posting here and there.

A little about my story…  I have been, as my therapist calls me, a functional depressive. I go to work. I have two jobs actually. One of them, not the best, but with a great company…. And I just found out I will be working in the department I’ve wanted to for the past 7 years, using my degree even! I went to college and got my degree […]