General

How did this happen?
When did it all fall apart?
I had it all
the brains the grades
the friends the loves
had the goals and ambition
was on top of the world
ready for it all
then I stumbled
must of been a little pebble
a twig out of place
it tripped up my step
and dropped me all the way
and now I’m here
broken
broken beyond fixing
broken and too tired to fix
broken and alone
slowly dying

what happens when you die? is it just blackness like some people tell me or is there really a “heaven” and when you die you see your ones that has passed before you? not many people will mind when i die i mean nothing to no one…no one needs me around i would die right now if i could but im scared to see what the other side is and what might happen and if i do die my little cousin she looks up to me ive saved her once she almost killed her i was so scared that i lost her i didnt know […]

I’m only a teenager and I already hate my life.

I honestly believe everyone was born for a reason, and should stay alive for a reason. Not because of religious views, but because I saved my best friend from suicide 2 years ago, I think that’s why I was born. Although I’m not going to say I want to be alive. I’ve attempted suicide multiple times in the past, and honestly my view on it has changed, but there are times when something happens and those feelings come back. I personally hate myself, I know this isn’t the first time you’ve all heard that, but it’s […]

I’ve been examining the difference between living one’s life in depression or taking one’s life prematurely.  Here I’ll post examples notable to me from the perspective that each person had an honorable mindset and the outcome was essentially the same.

Robert Frost lived with depression for most of his life, living through the  death of his wife and three of his children (as results of physical illness), the depression of his daughter, and the suicide of one of his sons.  He died naturally, remembered and respected by many.

Ernest Hemingway suffered depression, likely induced by his experience in World War I and heightened by his negative outlook […]

Hollow eyes,….. and a broken smile…,
All that remain,……Of a once happy child
The love,… that created me,……Wasted,
On my useless,…. empty soul
No feelings inside,…….This calloused heart of mine
Holding on to,……. a dream that isn’t real
A whisper in my ear,……. the only motivation that I need
To wreak havoc on myself
With no one to blame but me,………I fall now…to my knees
I’ve lost all hope,……….I lost my faith
With my head in my hands,
I plan my escape
I’m fading fast,…… can’t you see?
The years of  pain……,hiding in these eyes
There’s no time left,… to feel alive
So erase my […]

Anyone else just wake up and just want to die each and every day? This is what I go through, however, it’s become even more severe lately. More or less making me feel closer to attempting suicide once again. I guess with the fact that medicine isn’t helping and I generally feel hopeless, nothing would really pick my mood up.

To be honest, I just felt like posting something; basically whatever was on my mind… well, the more subtle parts of what’s on my mind. I’m really bored, down, and excruciatingly slowly becoming tired. O’course you can go ahead and leave comments for me or tell […]

i feel that everybody has got friends in deir lives,but i dont have a true friend.most of girls think that i’m proud,but in actual i’m not.i m lacking fun and excitement in my life.sometimes i feel that i should not be living this life.i belong to somewhere else.i feel that i’m misplaced or unfit in this environment.i cant tolerate selfish,good for nothing and hell rude people.but still they are in my life and i cant get rid of them.i feel that this life i’m living is not a blessing for me.its a hard time i’m being given.

…and my own mother didn’t even wish me happy birthday, let alone get me a card or present.

nice eh?

urgh, a day of pretending even more so to be happy and lying to everyone, only good thing about it was getting some funds to set the wheels in motion.

My thighs are huge, and my stomach looks terrible. I just want to be the word in the title. I get told that I am too skinny, but then I see girls that are skinner than me. I just want to have a flat stomach and thinner thighs. Is that wrong? But then, I get called Emo. And I get yelled at and made fun of for being different. Sure, I have friends. But I just push and push and shove my feelings down to the bottom of my toes. But then it builds up and up, and I just cant take it anymore! I […]

My date of departure was going to be May 4th, but I realized that something is happening that day that would cause people to notice my absence…so I was going to do it today. Except that I couldn’t. I hate everything.

The wave comes to meet with us at the shore. It feels nice to have the water crashing through our touching toes and holding hands. We felt so small among the immense, powerful ocean. The water returns to its larger counterpart and it taunts us to become a part of it. As if  to assist the ocean, the billion granules of sand try to pull us closer to the edge of the shore. Nature is calling her children to bring back something that was once a part of the earth. We could not help but give in to […]

okay so i love my friends but they are killing me. its not their fault anything i have i abuse and its just so fucked up and i just want it to stop, want to be happy. i went through bulimia for a while (its coming back to me) and depression. many suicide attempts which were nicks at the neck no more than self harm which i did reguarly but then my parents found out and made me stop. i have a friend i have known her for nine months and i told her about me and she helped me she really did. but i […]

Idk. I’ve been watching this video every morning and it is helping. Each to thier own I guess. There’s lots of videos if you search hard enough. It has helped me get through the week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSYtQy9EqTA&feature=related

dad – “when are you going back to school?
me – “why do i need to, its a waste of time.”
dad- “you know me and your mom aren’t going to be around forever. what are you going to do when were both gone?”
me- “im going to kill myself cuz you guys are really the only reason why im staying alive.”
dad- “your crazy you know.” (in a joking manner)
me- “you know im being serious right?”
dad- “will you stop talking like that!”

i exit the room. curl up in a ball on my bed and cry. he tries to hide the truth with […]

I was gonna leave tonight, but for some reason I felt like I should go running first, I don’t know why because I hate running. While I was running, I heard a woman screaming for help. I went to see what was going on and managed to stop some tweakers from gang-raping her. I bought her enough time to run away, so the tweakers held me down while one of them carved the word “HERO” into my chest. I gave my statement to the cops, but I am now in trouble for being out late, starving because I threw up all the food I had […]