General

I’ll be dead soon anyway. And hopefully my posts don’t get deleted because this is what the bottom of the pit looks and sounds like. I’m not gonna sugar coat how I feel to appease some anonymous strangers who visit this site.

Have a party when I die. I know I will.

You know what, This site is such a bunch of fucking bullshit,,you would get more peace going to the toilet to take a shit.

..alas. what are those poor suicidal people who are blind supposed to do..

I was raised Christian, turned agnostic when I was a teenager, and turned atheist a couple years back. I really want to leave this place, but, in the words of William Shakespeare, “to sleep, perchance to dream, ay, there’s the rub”. I think one of the main reasons I haven’t already snuffed it is because I’m worried about what might come next.

I used to believe what everyone else seems to believe, that there will be a white light, a tunnel, a kind voice beckoning, dead relatives, and a world designed as either reward or punishment for all the stuff you did here. But I don’t […]

My depression started in the beginning of this year. I looked for help in June and have been trying to get better since then. I have therapy, im taking 2 antidepressants and exercising 3 times a week at least.

I have lots of ups and downs. Im still struggling but im just tired. I wish God let me die but how to do that without hurting the people you love?

Because I’m started to lose my emotions.

My emotions are the only things I have that help prove that I’m definitely human. They keep me in check and bury my true self far away so nobody else knows.

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I just had Thanksgiving with a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile since the move. I loved seeing her, but I started to feel the apathy seeping in again. This overwhelming need to just disappear washed over me, and for some reason, it became SO HARD to get rid of. She’s one of the ones who can’t see me like this, I don’t want her to worry about me, […]

I fell in love with a girl when i was 17 we lived together for 2 years. We loved each other. Last month of our relationship she was crying. I tried so hard. I loved her so much. But she wasnt happy. She was a saint. 5 foot 9 model beautiful heart. She cheated on me with a co worker. He is 17 and tall handsome. Huge shlong. I am 5 foot 5 decent looking my jaw became slightly larger on one side as I hit puberty. which threw off my looks. He was a friend and I loved her. I was very insecure I […]

I hate the social niceties that the general populace is forced to abide by.

It discourages the truth and encourages rationales not only toward the individual but also rationalizations towards other people.  It enforces lies.

The thing is, these white lies that make up social niceties are the very things that made social niceties vital (apparently) in the first place.  Society deems that in order for an individual to be attractive, he or she must be thin (by thin I quantitatively mean having a BMI of 18).  Why is it today considered bad to be fat?  Millions of people aren’t stressing about being overweight just because of […]

im really not sure how the pills didnt work. but i know i didnt regret taking them until not long ago. honestly i dont even know why i feel guilty. the people i think would care probably wouldn’t anyway. i’ll probably try again and make another scar on my wrist pretty soon. why shouldnt i? i mean its not like theres a reason to keep going through this. ive been going through i for too long. my family doesnt care about me. they havent in a long time and i doubt they ever will. obviously HE doesnt care about me because if he did he wouldve […]

 

Today, i thought i was doing well. I hadnt thought of suicide for a long time..

I’m fifteen and my first suicide attempt was three months before my thirteenth birthday. I’ve been going to a center and seeing a therapist about my problems… It all started with me being bullied at primary school. It was all from the same group of four boys.. they even took it as far as following me home and beating me up. I had to move schools and home because it got so bad… Ontop of that, my dad suddenly stopped seeing me, causing me to be an emotional wreak from the […]

oh i wish it didn’t matter.

Camus wrote that the most important matter philosophy ever brought up is the problem of suicide. Absurdist thought was very important to me in high school, and Camus’ writing helped me a lot over the years. He likened the effort of living in an absurd universe to the myth of Sisyphus pushing his rock up the hill just to have it tumble down when he reaches the top. Camus believed Sisyphus was happy- that he continued his futile task in spite of the gods. Just as we continue the futile task of living in spite of the absurd. My thought […]

OK so, i just turned 20. i graduated school, and am doing absolutely nothing with myself. my little sister is more advanced in the world, and actaully made college plans, and is only in eleventh grade. Any way, despite the constant hate i get from my sister and my father, i deal.
last year, i became pregnant, by a pretty big fucking scumbag, becase we werent takeing precautions, i wasnt getting my period so i thought it wasnt nessicary. by the time i found out, i was already almost fifteen weeks, i told my mom, and she basically forced me into abortion, my family woulda […]

Okay so throughout my life it hasn’t been easy. My parents went through a nasty divorce because my father had an affair with my nanny who eventually became his girlfriend of 4 years. Then after she left things got better but then it was hell all over again. I was diagnosed with mono in 8th grade and i got really sick and missed my first semester of school pretty much. They found out that I also had Fibromyaliga which is a disease where your joints and bones always hurt and there is no cure except taking tons of pain killers. Throughout this process of going […]

It really sucks when you make one wrong decison and you life takes a dramatic turn. I found out the hard way that dating in 4th grade can cause alot of emotional pain. At the time when I saw him cheating on me with TWO other girls it just ruined my life. I mean was I that useless or ugly that you had to cheat on me with two other girls? Guess so. And that is exactly how my life was ruined. I used to be a happy go lucky girl everyday! Even in my dreams! And now I prefer to be a loner, I […]

I’m sick of people labeling people. What gives them the fucking right?!? They may know the what, but they don’t know why. Why I did what I did is my story. It makes me who I am, not just what I did. What I did and where I’ve been those are parts of me, but they’re not it.

Don’t put people in boxes. Don’t try to understand them if you don’t want to! If you aren’t prepared to hear a “YES” don’t ask someone if they are thinking about suicide, if they’re cutting, if they have a drinking problem, drugs whatever. Don’t pretend to care […]

i really hate my shitty life evry day shit just piles up nd up nd it gets worse nd worse nd i just hate everything i used 2 b happy 24 7 then i lost every family member nd got them torn out my life my mam dad sis everyone nd eversince den i wanted 2 die i get bullied 2 the extreme plzz help b4 kill myself or others

I only get about 20% of what I want. I work hard in so many things.  It has been this way for years.  I just live with it until now.  It has been bothering me. I have been struggling with these thoughts for a while now. I have become a great actress. My husband is clueless on my feelings. My friends and coworkers samething. I have mastered such an art about crying and screaming through the day. Thursday was Thanksgiving and I was crying at the table. I was talking to my family and the tears just started going down my face and no one noticed. I […]