General

I can’t help thinking about what life would be like if I’d made different choices. Of course, in order to choose differently, I would’ve had to have been a different person, living in a different reality. But what if things were just ever so slightly different. If something else had caught my attention, just long enough to prevent me from doing something terrible. And if I’d avoided that, would I have found my way out of my depressive self-hating spiral? Would I have rediscovered my purpose in life, and re-engaged with the world? Would there be a different version of me lying here now, with […]

????? ???? ????? ???????? ??????

1Xbet ??????????? ? ???? ???? 1Xbet Zerkalo

1Xbet – ??? ?????????? ???????????? ???????, ??????? ????????????? ??????????? ??????? ? ??????? ??????????? ? ???? ????. ????????? ???? ??????? ???????????? ????? ??????????? ???????? ?????? ? ??????? ????? ?????? ? ????????????? ??????? ????????????.

??? ????? ???? ? 1Xbet ???????? ??????????

???? ???????? ? 1Xbet – ??? ????????????? ???????, ??? ????????? ????? ????????? ?????????? ?????????? ?????? ? ?????????? ??????? ????? ?????. ??? ????????????? ?????????? ? ?????????? ???????, ??????? ???????? ???????? ???????????? ? ?????.

1Xbet Bk Info ????? […]

I found out that all the negative cliches one hears are all true, the more negatative the more truer it is.  Regarding suicide you don’t go down without a fight but in the end you go down. My predecessors in suicide all said the same thing and I find myself saying it now – nothing works. I tried everything, therapy, anti – d’s, keeping busy, you name it and I tried it. You would want to be absolutely fucking desperate to reach out for help in the first place, reaching out by its very definition is commensurate to the level of distress one experiences, I […]

Life feels so hopeless…

We are just objects that are alive.
Do you agree or not and why.

No amount of “journaling,” “yoga,” “going for a walk” makes it better.

Chemicals (caffeine, sugar, alcohol, drugs, etc)- only makes you feel good for a very short bit, then you come back down to reality. And life sucks again.

I guess the better question is- “What Makes it Better?” rather than “What Makes it Feel Better?”

I’ve been avoiding my job lately because of how bad the work environment is.
The stealing, the fights, the drama, some of the people I work with (not all, but funnily enough they tend to lose all the better people because they don’t want to pay them more or don’t properly acknowledge them/promote them), etc. I sit next to someone who’s pissed off everytime someone calls in… in a call center. I can see why their absenteeism rate is so damn high (30%!).

I can’t keep this up.

Worst thing is I’m trying to find work more in line with what I went […]

Well damn…And these weren’t even depressed ppl…
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1APXpFebWfk
~1min

I am disgusting. I’m mostly in denial about that fact. But I am. I’m so covered in filth that nothing in this world could ever make me clean. And that’s a problem, because I would quite like at least one person in this world to really understand me, while still caring about me. And that’s not possible. Because if you understand me, you understand that I’m repulsive, and you want nothing to do with me.

So I will always be alone, unless I fool others into believing I’m not repulsive. In which case I will be permanently acting, and will still feel alone and unloved. So… […]

Today marks yet another year I’ve lived. It feels a bit odd, I still feel like an overgrown child. I wish I could say I’ve changed or improved in some crazy way, but I haven’t. I still feel like all I really do is burden people. They’d probably be better off. I still feel as if I’m at fault for a lot of things. I realize at some point I will make an attempt to end it all. I hear horror stories of the future and it makes me paranoid, I don’t want to live through any of it. An off switch. I’m tired of […]

So, I don’t even wanna hear another single person dare make the mistake of telling me to stop thinking about my trauma, when they have no fucking idea that I’ll be carrying this shit to my brain. I’m the only one in this whole stupid family who suffers from real trauma and any other mental illness, that I’ll be taking to my grave. Even though there’s times when I’m extremely stressed about trauma and other times when my trauma still affects me but not as bad, either way this traumatic shit is always there somewhere inside of me, and most willing to Provoke me anytime […]

????? ???? ????? ???????? ??????

??? ??????? ?????????? ?? ??????

?????????? ? ????? – ??? ???? ?? ???????? ????????????? ? ????????????? ???????? ?????????. ? ????????? ?????????? ? ??????????? ?????????? ??????, ??? ?????? ????? ???????????? ????????????? ?????????????? ? ????? ????????? ????????. ??????? ?? ?????????? ????????? ????????, ??? ????? ?????????? ?? ??????.

???????????? ??????????

???? ?? ???????? ???????????????? ???????? ?????????????? – ???????????? ???????? ? ????? ???????? ? ??????? ?????????? ? ?????????? ?????????? ??????????. ????????? ???????? ????????, ? ??????? ?????, ? […]

I’ve been trying to write a post about the general comfort of horror, why it works for me and helps so much. Sadly, it’s still too broad, and I find myself sounding more like a manic fanboy (which, to be fair, I am), and it isn’t useful. I want to be useful, even if it’s just recommending good distractions.

For me entertainment is effective when it is meaningful, when it tugs at something deeper that wanted to get out. It is with that in mind, I introduce for your approval; The Music of Erich Zann by HP Lovecraft.

https://www.hplovecraft.com/writings/texts/fiction/mez.aspx

I now plan to discuss why this particular work […]

Lately I’ve been playing a dangerous game with my sleep. I pull late nighters to do stuff for the lab or cram for an exam. The thing is, I can’t do that anymore. Lack of sleep is one of the major triggers for a manic episode. Even on medication, I could still be susceptible to a hypomanic episode. So then I start checking certain things about myself whenver I do late nighters. Do I feel tired, how is my mood, are my thoughts skewing towards delusions. When I feel extremely tired and have the same low self-esteem and […]

I realized I’m very sick , I’ve been living this fake life trying to pretend to be normal. I try to to fit in have a normal life but in reality it’s just not try to end up hospitalized or worst dead. I realize this is all I am and will eventually be is dead. I remember that I lie and fake being fine and functioning like having a job but it’s cover for me being broken. I’ll honestly would have killed myself if I didn’t. But the idea of being hospitalized is worst. So I do things like lie, say I’m fine without the […]

Apparently with the job market the way it is I can’t get the start I need to get to move forward. Entry Level Helpdesk or Support jobs are just not there right now. Did some courses here and there but need more experience, and the only way to get experience is to get a job, but the only way to get the job is to have the experience. Commence loop.

Don’t have enough money to get the certs I want or a degree because current job doesn’t pay enough. Sick of the current job to the point where I may just quit without a job lined […]

????? ???? ????? ???????? ??????

????????? ?? ?????? ? 1Xbet – ??????? ???? ????????? ???? ????????

????? ? ??????-?????? ??? ????? ?????? ?? ?????, ?????? ?????? ????????? ???? ????? ?? ???????. ?????? ??? ????? ????? ???????????? ????????? 1Xbet, ???? ?????? ????????? ? ?????????? ??????? ???????? ????????? ?????? ????? ??? ???????? ?????????????? ??????.

??????, ????? ?????????????? ?????????, ?????? ???????????? ? ?????? ????????? ??? «1Xbet ?????? ??? ??????????» ??? «??? ? ?????? ?????? ???????????? P2P». ??? ?????????? ?????????, ???? ???? ??????? ?????? ????? ?????? ??????????? ? ?????? ??????????. ????? ???????, ??? ?????? ????? ?????????? ?? ??????? ? ????????? ????? ? ?????????? ?????? ????????? ???????.

???? ?? ????????? ???????? […]

~1min