Category:

I Will Survive

I did this, you can too.

Reasons to live – Are there any?

by Urm8451n 12/5/2017

written by Urm8451n

I woke up.
It is 2:00 am, everything so dark outside.
Most of the people are asleep, some are driving cars, which lights are being shown in my room, from those cars passing around my street.

All birds are dead quite.

It is me time. Because there is no stress around, I can finnaly see clarity. What does even bother me now? I’m happy. I’m glad to find peace once a while.

However, tomorrow keeps its own demons waiting for me. The stress is greater than ever. Some obstacles, will sure make me trip down.
I will fall.

But even then, I will keep on going my way, doing […]

12/5/2017 2 comments

How do I make it through?

by Urm8451n 12/2/2017

written by Urm8451n

Hey, good week everyone.

Hope you guys do well.

This post I’m addressing to any reader with a question :

In the end of the day, you are still alive. How come? How did you make it through? you are more than welcome sharing to me your secret.

I’m a little bit of suicidal now…

So freaking terrored by the idea of not making it through.

I see the following week and I’m disgusted of my life.

It’s going to be a tough time for me.

I never hoped to get this lonely, but here and there, life has brought me here.

Will I make it through, like you do?

Will I one day, stand […]

12/2/2017 7 comments

Maybe, I just need to jump… (to my death)

by Urm8451n 11/28/2017

written by Urm8451n

A lot of time has passed since I wrote here.

My last post was about “Tips and good bye”, but I came back.
I’m suffering from abdominal pains each day, and it has become more and more harsh.
I’m trying to study, but I can’t concentrate. Where ever I go, I feel isolated. It is not socialy isolation, it is different. I feel different.
I can’t explain how I’m doing, I can only say I’m cracked, I’m fully torn apart. I’m all alone in this war and I don’t FEEL like I can make it through, I need help, and I HAVE NOWHERE TO GET IT […]

11/28/2017 4 comments

My story if anyone cares

by Max 11/28/2017

written by Max

11/28/2017 5 comments

thinking of him

by tribulation 11/12/2017

written by tribulation

and you will stay awake

alone and in the dark

for hours on end

waiting for him and wishing for him

while hes sound asleep,

not wasting a single thought on you

and when you finally get some sleep,

he’ll wake up

and his first thought will be of you.

his first feeling will be regret

for not seeing you when you were right there.

do not go back when he comes for you

or you’ll be wide awake,

wishing for him once again

when he re-forgets you.

t.a.-g.n.

11/12/2017 0 comment

Valid

by tentoone 10/31/2017

written by tentoone

We get so locked up in ourselves. Closed off. Hiding. Who we are, what we feel… For me, happiness has always been the scariest. Most obviously because it is generally so fleeting; and, falling always hurts more, the higher your climb. But, also because when someone sees what makes you smile, they invariably learn what makes you cry.

It’s a sort of evolution of isolation until we are so far beyond knowing how to express ourselves, we forget how to let ourselves feel at all.

Please never be ashamed of your tears. Or laughter, even if it seems inappropriate. Everything inside you is valid.

10/31/2017 0 comment

She was there…

by tentoone 10/28/2017

written by tentoone

When did I decide to live? Why? I remember the cold steel of ancient sewing scissors pressed against my skin. Then, the twin bite when I lost myself for a moment, awakening to find I had embedded them in my wrist. Hot and desperate. Overwhelmed. Do we not all experience that at times? Like being driven by an inner force. A manifestation of true desire, perhaps? Something that is not so easily released and shared with others. I wonder.

The trailer was filthy; there is simply no other way to describe it accurately. And, not merely conventionally dirty, but a kind of diseased wrongness which even […]

10/28/2017 2 comments

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

by niki 10/28/2017

written by niki

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

Human’s imagination is better than reality !

Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi […]

10/28/2017 2 comments

So you survived.

by vooder 10/20/2017

written by vooder

It’s been nearly 5 years since you crawled into that basement expecting to die.

You’re 26 now (an age you swore you’d never see). You’ve met some cool new people over the past 5 years. You graduated college, got a job, and moved into your own apartment. You adopted a cat, and she’s become your best friend. You’re off all those meds now, and you feel stable, comfortable even. You haven’t self-harmed in 3 years. Your parents are finally proud of you.

You’re still lonely (and getting lonelier with each passing year). You’ve lost some old friends, due to distance or death. You had a mental breakdown and […]

10/20/2017 4 comments

I am healing

by lonewolf23 10/18/2017

written by lonewolf23

My father was holding me back in life and I hadn’t realized this until now that i moved out. I feel happier these days, happier than I’ve ever felt in a while. My insecurities are quickly vanishing within a matter of weeks. I had forgotten how social the real me was. Surprisingly I’m quite impressive with the ladies. I can sleep better too.

My fathers’ anger has empowered me to take a leap of faith into unknown territory but to my surprise I’m doing just fine living in an apartment by myself….more than fine…I feel awesome!! I will sacrifice a mansion for a healthy mind any […]

10/18/2017 4 comments

Last post here, time for a goodbye :’)

by Urm8451n 10/11/2017

written by Urm8451n

-introduction – This is my last post here, not suicidal though.
I believe I have completed a shift from the young boy I was 4 years ago, to the man I am.
I wanted to share some experiences and conclusions of my travel through agony, happiness, loss, and faith. I wanted to give you other users, the tools I learned, from others.
This shall be a post with my final words to this community.

I have completely ditched social media, removed my accounts from internet sites, stopped playing video games, focused on my own personality, and my family’s health state.
Today I accomplish to sustain […]

10/11/2017 10 comments

I wasn’t prepared…. were you ?

by Urm8451n 10/10/2017

written by Urm8451n

Good day you all,
This post will include; panic attack, co op failure, overcoming love.
Added bold words to make reading easier and able to jump
edit: Also added conclusions down the page.

start Today I had a great day, studied, and got few compliments, perhaps even started few new social relationship here or there.
It is really nice to start a new page at a university.
But…
change in events I went back home, a friend contacted me, he asked if I wanna go out with him like we did two days ago. Back then [8.10.17] he said “I want you to know that I completely respect you, […]

10/10/2017 2 comments

Loneliness… don’t u feel it?

by Urm8451n 10/8/2017

written by Urm8451n

I have been standing outside the house for a while, letting my thoughts hit hard on love and company.

I really miss my ex, but not because she was someone who gave me trust. But because she was something to hug, hold and have sex with.

It’s easy to remember our time together as lovely, but in fact it wasn’t as so. therefor I decided to quit it, and even then I’m still missing that hug.

I feel like play Chas game against “time”, as if some kind of persona, shaped like a standing clock, is over thinking me at a chess game, and slowly winning.

I wish I […]

10/8/2017 3 comments

Broken Psychopath

by MonsterNamedKira 10/7/2017

written by MonsterNamedKira

I haven’t been honest with a human being a single time, in probably 6 years. I dont understand why others dont lie constantly. I guess others don’t really fit into the sick fuck category either. Honestly though, the deep emptiness inside me seems a little “Extra!” Just a constant void ripping every way inside you, constant and cold. I cant imagine actually feeling anything anymore, it seems impossible. My feeling has been turned off for only a few years and yet they seem like surreal fairy tales you’d tell a tired child at night. But dont misunderstand when Im allowed complete isolation from others, some […]

10/7/2017 9 comments

sleepless…… aren’t you? (Help me)

by Urm8451n 10/7/2017

written by Urm8451n

I would define my self strength to bare mental and physical damage as 8/10.

But even though I’m coping with major life defects (depression, lack of money, friendly back stabs by friends and etc) I still am being damaged.

I’m amazed by how fucked you can get when being stressed. I don’t feel stressed, but I’m definitely showing symptoms of it. I’m sleepless. I can’t fucking go to sleep. It started to show up in the last two month and I’m clearly am devastated by it. I would like to get advices of how to cope with it.

Please give my an idea!

Solutions are welcome!

anyhow, stay strong, be […]

10/7/2017 3 comments

Standing through the waves

by Urm8451n 10/6/2017

written by Urm8451n

Lately, with my mind and experience expanding, I learn to accept more burden and horrors as a road obstacles.
It is as if I’m riding my car through a bumpy road. Sometimes in encountering a fallen tree, or just small pockets.

I learnt to survive by my own, and followed the importance of knowledge. Right now I’m following my plan to use academic education as a “way out ticket”.

I will try to concur the highest summits man has ever seen, only to let myself the relief to live quietly and alone , perhaps allowing me to build a normal family (unlike my ancestors).

I know the road, […]

10/6/2017 2 comments

Getting better

by Rosebrider 10/6/2017

written by Rosebrider

A while back, I posted how I wanted to kill myself. It’s been a month since I made that and things have gone better. Although, the thoughts have come and gone since then. It’s just a matter of me getting use to everything right now. I still question a lot about what the future has in store for me but I really hope that things will turn out okay in the end.

Here’s to hoping I make it until December.

10/6/2017 3 comments

Relapse.

by Eccedentesiastsoul 9/25/2017

written by Eccedentesiastsoul

5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school […]

9/25/2017 11 comments

rants about emotional attachment

by deadgrave 9/23/2017

written by deadgrave

now i know i have problems with emotionally attaching myself to a boy. currently it’s to this one boy who i have ‘liked’ for almost the past two years. i know i shouldn’t depend my happiness on him, but i don’t know how to stop it.

last year he said he liked me back, but i just told him i liked him again today, but i included that i expected him not to like me now and all he said was “thanks for your kind words”

that fucking hit me harder than it should’ve. now i feel like i can’t work on my school work or do […]

9/23/2017 8 comments

Hello Halcion

by The Distress 9/22/2017

written by The Distress

Halcion, you’re my friend.
But Halcion, where have you been?
When I slept with you there was no option to wake.
As if a dreamful slate of life appeared just for the take.
And it was beyond great to never arise.
From a slumber which no words could surmise.
I can do whatever I want in my dreams.
Beyond my wildest fantasies so it seems.
Yet when I dream all day and night to never face reality.
I might as well shut my life down, mark me as another casualty.
But like I’ve always stated, I’m too afraid to jump.
I’ll stand there, slowly emotions […]

9/22/2017 3 comments

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