I did this, you can too.
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There’s a fine line between “Adversity Builds Character” and “Please Just Shoot Me Now”.
I try to strike a balance halfway, but sometimes it’s a stretch.
Good news, sort of: Bought two new strong aluminum canes with a pretty leafy green vine print on them. And, since the last time I posted in 2016, I got a brand new wheelchair for indoors. Currently it’s in the kitchen, right next to the fridge, so when I want a bottle of water or tea, all I have to do […]
It has been a very long time since I’ve posted here! I miss coming back here and talking with everyone. I hope this drawing makes up for my absence 🙂
I hope you are doing okay, and it is okay if you are not.
Sometimes I do not feel okay, and I almost ended my life because of it.
I have allowed myself to heal for three years before making the decision to share my story. This is not easy; the feeling of being vulnerable is hard to swallow, but I have accepted the social ramifications of allowing myself to open up publicly. I want to help others by sharing my experience because I know how it can feel to be alone. This piece carries a heavy trigger warning.
At some point, simple tasks became overwhelming and I […]
Why does my manager makes me with this girl? Every few minutes that I show to help her to do work, she disappears as though she doesn’t like me, and I know that she isn’t lazy. She doesn’t have to like me, in fact the purpose of having a job is to work, and pretend you’re a team. Isn’t like I’m standing there and her chatting up. Oh well, she left me with her red marker that she was working with, so I took it. I wanted to chunked the damn thing, but instead I left it by the computer. Doubt that did her any […]
As we try to survive in this world we live in
We seek out meaning for the life that was given
Some search for it their entire youth
Yet little find it or see the truth
Majority give up when all hope is lost
Others are consumed by the lies they came across
We all believe it gets better after it gets worse
But those words do not apply on this curse
Even if we tried to satisfy every need
There is no cure for one’s greed
It destroys us like a cancer
Today I saw my psychiatrist. Eventually I told him what happened (well, nearly happened) on Saturday. He too, like my psychologist, immediately wanted to admit me. To his credit, he didn’t force me but respected my choice to not go back into hospital. He said that the situation was just short of where he would have been both legally obliged and able to force me into hospital, as in – if I had been in immediate danger.
He made it very clear that he would have much preferred if I went. But thanks to the trust we’ve built up over the years (he’s been treating me […]
I have a feeling that I’m going to be the invisible girl on this web-site for now on. My last post that has gotten the most posting, let me un-iron some kinks to guys might have. I do not hate strippers personally by all means if you entertain mostly men while being mostly naked is your thing, then do it. I was expressing why I wouldn’t be a good fit like trust me, if I was to go into a strip to fill-out an application. I would get denied. I never said or believe that women should go back into the kitchen, and finally the […]
I was a bit sceptical about this site at first. Then I read every post and thought to myself that I’m not alone. I was desperate to fix everything. I was hurt to see others hurt. I tried my best to help them and in the mean time I struggle with own troubles. I HATE to say this…but I HATE that particular person. And I HATE myself for hating her. I hate that I have to admit that I’m weak….I’m insecure. I hate everything. I live for years coping with anxiety and depression.
I met with several counsellors in my life. Now I’m 20 years old […]
I am stuck between wanting to die and not wanting to die. I think i’m a living paradox. A messy paradox. I don’t know but I’m scared of the possibilities that each has. I don’t want to live in this selfish world anymore but i don’t want to be selfish too just because I want to die and leave this cruel place. I’ve been Having suicidal, anxious, and depressing thoughts for years and I just wanted it to stop. Everyday is Like a triP to a dark forbidden forest, and a day with an endless rain. It’s as if I’m drowning in a pool of […]
Mine was being told that I should be a stripper. Yeah, sure get a 260 pound girl on that pole, but he told that there were girls my size with smaller boobs working those poles.
You all know why I hate men.
Reasons not to be a stripper:
1. I hate men, and entertaining men would be my number one worse nightmare.
2. I’m afraid of being upside down, and don’t strippers go upside down on those poles.
3. I don’t have the flexibility to work a pole.
4. Never worked a pole in my life.
5 If a man hits on me in the strip […]
I like to imagine Earth as a giant prison, and God or these angels placed our souls into these advance prison uniforms called bodies. These bodies are hideous. Trapped between these gooey organs, and water, covered by soft fleshy pink skin. I once remember having eagle vision, gather all the scents from a single galaxy, and finding a soulmate was much easier because when I was free, we were all full of love, and with our strong bonds, the sex felt a thousands times orgasmic than on earth. No longer does the food taste good on Earth, since I remember, but this suit and the […]
My case manager listed jobs for people that hate people. Two jobs that interested me was technical writing and being a truck driver. Doubt that I would ever get a job in technical writing, though I done take a class in it and got an A, but that was the easy class like a 200 level. I could be electrician, there are jobs for that. Truck driving was interesting. You get to travel the country and make 40,000 dollars, though it isn’t a job for raising a family for a could be single mom. I always fantasized about traveling the world with a transformer, and […]
PLEASE READ…
I know my own little segment I am about to write may be pointless to most people, but I want to share my story to some people. To all those people, learning how to tie a noose, or learning what you can drink to die faster, or even learning the best pill to take to end your life, please don’t. As a child of suicide, I’ve come to realize how goddamn pointless other people’s pleas to not end your life can be. I mean, I tried to end my life a total of 10 or 11 times, I really stopped keeping track after the […]
Ever since I was a little girl I always asked questions about my little sister.. The sister my mother gave up for adoption. Our mother was a drug addict who chose men over her kids and is STILL continues doing drugs. my life was very rough but I was always the type to wish for a happily ever after… So I made excuses after excuses for my mom. She got pregnant not to long after she gave my sister up for adoption but abused pills which led to a stillborn.. My other baby sister Seirra (May she Rest with the angels) … My mother then […]
After so many days in quiet contemplation this past month has been the first time I have actually actively tried to live. There’s a few reasons here, and today’s thoughts are proof.
Let’s just stay in the present, I have written plenty on my past. Today I woke up and it started out with bad news(ish) that I wouldn’t be getting to work at my paying job. I like working there, I’m learning a skill, but on the other hand I’m glad for the rest and to set my own pace for most of the week.
I flat didn’t get a damn thing done the first 4 […]
I can see the reasoning behind keeping a site like this….well….discrete, I guess. But, you know, I’ve wanted, on a couple of occasions, to sign in and TALK to people (when I’ve been NEAR FUCKING KILLING MYSELF!!), but I can’t figure out how to fucking LOG IN so I can COMMUNICATE!!! WTF?!!!
There’s no LOG IN details when you visit this site! You may be DESPERATE – and you may well be RIGHT ON THE FUCKING EDGE AND DESPERATE TO TALK TO LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE, but……how the fuck do you GET IN!????????
I managed to log on ONLY because I inadvertantly clicked on somebody’s POST! Is that how […]
Mind like quicksand, but I try to stay above land.
Kaleidoscope of different scenarios. Life falling in a burial. Heart broken like shattered glass, not healing no mater how much time has passed. Haunted dreams every night, becoming weaker after every fight. Can’t distinguish what is real or in my head, every night laying on my deathbed. Anxiety, bipolar and PTSD, is slowly overpowering me.
Suicidal Thoughts but I’m afraid of death, continuous thoughts of how I will lose my last breath. Anxious, anxious all the time, but with meds they tell I’ll be just fine. Irritable, angry, sadden and scared, all through my mind […]
You used your words, I used my heart. I became unheard, you became a dart. I reached out, you pushed away. I started to doubt but I was forced to stay.
Growing a flower, supposed to be a blessing. but you had the power. And I was left stressing..
Far from family , no one but you,
Loss of gravity, my hatred grew.
You where supposed to be my happy ending, but this chapter was just beginning.
My flower blossomed, she is so beautiful, I became cautioned, you grew so pitiful. Yelling and abusing, but with no bruising. I tried to flee, your family didn’t […]
I served a sentence as a foster child. I was abused more in the custody of the state.
I then turn to be a difference in the life of a child. I guess i felt i could save me. As i work with kids to this day i find hurtful, hateful, lying humans saving their own skin from their wrong doings.
I find myself as an adult once again a victim of this false god called child protective services. The only thing they protect is financial gain. Destroy families and put child in more stress and pain.
I am in despair and my mind keeps […]
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