I wrote a suicide note once. Only time I ever did. I wrote it right before what I guess you could call my first real attempt. It was only three words long.
Category:
My Suicide Note
Life is boring , Reality is boring , real life is boring , real world is boring
by niki
written by niki
Especially when you’ve realized that nothing we do here in reality will ever compare to our imaginations. And no, I’m not talking about petty, shallow, superficial, & stupid imaginations like most people only have with their simple-minded brains. I’m talking about all those best fantasy movies, games, novels, comic books, anime/manga, etc, with all their magic, superpowers, & magical, fantasy, adventurous world/universe with its limitless, unlimited possibilities.
Fuck this reality.
Reality is boring, stupid, & depressing.
reality is boring , life is boring ,
it’s all about money
i hate money
i hate business
i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books
I […]
Hi! So, I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately, and I realised it’s been a little bit over a year since I first tried to commit suicide. I’ve experienced so many things, tried so many means of relief and just like I’d imagined nothing worked. Now, I’m more depressed and helpless than ever before.
They say it gets better, and so I used to think. I’ve been depressed as far as I can remember — I had my first major mental breakdown when I was 12, now I’m 19 soon to be 20. I used to think as I grew older, things would magically get […]
You don’t need to tell me all the reason I should hate myself. I already know them. I repeat them to myself every night with nootropics to keep me awake and kicking. Kicking myself for being a failure, for not doing anything right. For never being enough.
I try to do everything right. I read the textbooks, look over my notes, do the work. I could not work for an entire MONTH, an entire 30 DAYS, and I would STILL be advanced in my classes. because I work hard. I “grind” and “hustle” everyday. But unless I haven’t walked in the snow in nothing but flip […]
I just want you to be there
Ask me
Whats wrong
What happened
Are you okay
Tell me
Your story
Your pain
Your love
Is it too hard as a family ?
Im at my limit
My smile
My laugh
Its fake
See through me
Love me
PS :
One day if you read this when Im gone…
At least you know what I feel
How I longed for your love and touch like a baby
Never leave your happiness
Never abandoned your source of happiness
For someone that will give you happiness
It seems like its the same happiness
But its not
Its impermanent happiness
Never leave your happiness
For another happiness
Because it should be united as one happiness in the end
Ive been in pain for so long…
I want to die..
But Im still alive until now..
Its getting worse and worse..
And worse… and worse…
And worse… and worse…
And worse… and worse…
How long I can hold my scream…
How to live..
How… but how….
But how… but how…
Someone kill me…
This is so hard…
Today, is my 9th love anniversary as per Indian date – September 7. But he is no more. He is my best friend, and then my first love and we happened to fall in love during our college. Exactly after one month and one week of our relationship, I lost him to an accident. That’s where it all started. Depression. Feeling to end this life.
I’m so overthinking, so overly emotional, so sentimental. I have been this way since my childhood. I do not know how to handle my emotions even for smaller things. When I lost him, I felt my entire world became completely darker […]
Its just so hard to live this life. I have been living with depression for years and I dont think I can take it anymore. I want to end this life. I know the pain it would give to my family but I’m past the feeling to think about others and hesitate. I have become selfish who wants to end her own pain rather than thinking about the ones who love me. I have done enough for them and I cannot do even just being alive for their sake. Let everyone know how hard was it for me to keep pretending that I’m fine all these years.
I […]
Je crois que ce qui me pousse à vouloir mourir et le fait que je sais que je ne vais jamais être la personne que je veux être. Le fait qu’il va toujours avoir mieux que moi. Le fait que je ne vais jamais arriver au point où je suis satisfaite avec moi-même. Je ne vais jamais gagner.
Je vais regarder la vie d’une autre qui défile devant mes yeux. Ses réussites bien méritées que je n’étais pas assez bonne pour mériter moi-même.
Plusieurs ne vont pas comprendre. Les notes ne veulent rien dire, disent-ils. Mais si tu ne vaux que tes notes, que […]
Dear Family,
Yeah, I am rather aggravated that you guys are getting on so well without me. Yeah, I’m pretty angry that all these years, all it took for you guys to be happy was me leaving the house. It sucks to be the apparent problem. It sucks when everyone around you knows it, and no one tells you. It sucks to be this much of a pathetic asshole that I’m getting upset at you for not telling me, your incredibly violent daughter, that you would be better off if I left. I know why you did it, though. Don’t misunderstand me; I know full well […]
I’ll be leaving this world soon. You know I don’t want to go on anymore. My time is running out. One of these days I’ll meet my demise by my own hand. I’ll end it all. I’ll hang myself with a noose. I wanna die, I wanna go to sleep forever. There’s no ‘I’. Don’t try and stop me. I’ve made up my mind, I want the end to come.
I want everyone to know that you are all great people. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It was me who needed you, and I couldn’t stand it. You can’t want someone you can’t keep. Having a human being in your life to listen to you and to understand you is priceless. You can’t replace that with a phone, a car, or a house. I don’t know what I doing, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know what I’m thinking. No one needs me, but I need them. It is hopeless, I can’t live like this anymore. I hate living. Everything that truly matters […]
reality is boring , life is boring , it’s all about money , i hate money , i hate business , i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books
by niki
written by niki
reality is boring , life is boring , it’s all about money , i hate money , i hate business , i wish i live in the movie game anime manga novel comics books
I hate reality , reality is boring !
I hate real life , real life is boring !
I hate real world , real world is boring !
I wish I live in movie / movies , I wish movies were real
I wish I live in video games , I wish games were real
I wish I live in novels , I wish novels were real
I wish I live in anime […]
Thank you for everything . Thank you for having me in ur life for 4,5 years . Showing me what love ,loyalty is . I’m sorry I didmt listen when I should have gotten help . I’m sorry I didn’t say this is too much for me for this lifestyle . I wanted u to be happy but it broke me . I got lost and took it out on u. I love you. I’ll always love you living life without seem pointless . So I’ll find a way to leave . Thank you. I love you good bye
Me again? I’m still alive?? wtf?? Why me?? Can I just get run over already. I planned it careful. Walk into the road aimlessly. Look at my phone for distraction. Become one of those statistics people use to warn others about the dangers of using your phone. It didn’t work. The bus honked and I was brought back into reality.
Now I feel guilt. Immense guilt. I could have scared the bus driver. I could have scared passengers. I could have scared passersby. I could have scared my friends. But I long for an easy escape. Most people fear death, I see it as an opportunity […]
My marriage ain’t working out after my daughter was born. Arguments everyday and all blame is on me! I hate when the person i love the most hurts me the most! I am going to end my life soon by taking sleeping pills so that i can sleep in peace forever!
God hates,
That’s why he no longer creates.
I who walk in the shadow of death,
I who ask only be set free from my pain,
I who hath nothing left to gain,
I who have greeted the reaper,
I who has gone deeper.
I who asked god “O lord release me”.
I who had to see.
God hates that witch destroyed his garden,
God who’s heart has hardened.
For fate has hold of me,
Showing for all to see.
Tho my scars be shown,
the understanding of my pain….. unknown…
I’ve ended me seven times.
Yet God makes me pay for my crimes…
Heven nor Hell wants for I,
And all I ask is […]
So I discovered this place while looking up the best way to kill myself. I’m a 41 year old police officer and retired military veteran. I’ve been in a terrible marriage for the majority of the last 23 years of my life. I’m finally at the point where I can’t take the utter sadness and lack of any joy in my life. I’ve suffered from differing forms of mental illness for the majority of my life: severe depression, borderline personality disorder, ptsd, etc. I’ve been on medications and gone to therapy and they seemed to help when I’m actually happy. I haven’t been happy for […]
Not sure what to call this, to be honest.
I know I’m gonna kill myself this year, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. And honestly, I feel almost a sense of relief when I think about it. I know that might sound fucked up, part of me still thinks it is.
I’m just so scared to do anything because it feels like everything I do is wrong. Whenever I do talk about my feelings, people just put me in a hospital or something- which, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I spent a week in a behavioral hospital and I can honestly say it was one […]