For your poems.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH6iRec4TvI&feature=youtu.be
this is the video of my story, please watch it. its wat has happened in my life. please. im all alone.
well hello. this is my first time posting on here. here is my story.
when i was 12 years old that was the worst year i have ever experienced, in may 2010 i got ill, i was diagnosed with a disease called chronic regional pain syndrome aka crps. it started off in my left ankle but it spread into my whole left leg and then it spread to both my legs and now my hand, wrist and arm. it will still spread and i will never get away from it. i have it for the rest of my life. this disease is the worst pain illness […]
screaming around
saying your name,my fallen angel
hoping you were here again
fragile i’am for not knowing how to forget
i can’t let go of the past no matter how much i forgive
weak and broken my heart is
for not knowing,it will tear me to shreds
this sins,are just roaming in my head
screaming aloud that i’m dead
screaming around again
hoping you were here to save me from this living hell
oh!fallen angel, come to take my soul
and send it please to your underworld
surrounded by monsters and devils
now i feel like i’am at home
far from everbody,far from the human […]
Depression: don’t want to deal, don’t want to feel. Nothing. Just want it to go away. Feeling. Emotion. Love. I want to push it out of me. Down some rocky shore. Out into an ocean, an abyss anything to swallow this pain, make it gone, disappear. Be dead.
Not living. Not trying to. Just breathing, just beating, just thinking. Hate and anger. At me. I despise myself. I despise this life, this nothing. This pain. Accepted by no one, loved by no one, am no one. Empty. Shallow. Weak. Where is the purpose to live in that?
Sixty seven cuts
mouths open in disbelief
interrogating me
but conversation doesnt help.
They all know the culprit
But they still judge.
Yeah
go ahead.
give me another reason
to go to sixty eight
You pull me out of your hat
Whenever your down
But when I need you
There’s only darkness around
Wish you’d wave the wand
Every now and then
Maybe just respond
Cuz I could use a friend
But you keep me caged in
Until you have a bad day
Then you cry to me again
“Everything will be okay”
That’s all you wanna hear right?
That your ”cuts” will heal over night
But they’re just scrapes alright
Cuz I ain’t even ate tonight
Cuz you won’t feed me
But I don’t need three
Meals a day, just to say
“Hey, I’m gonna cut the bone today”
And I’m not competing
But your […]
The doctors speak a language all their own
Full of words and chemicals unknown
To vacant minds with drugged behinds
So they can fix their wretched soul
It will fix you they say
As though you were broken in some way and your mind could be replaced
With one more common place and less problematic
To them it’s just another day
In the asylum in which they stay
Day after day they prey upon the psyche of lost children and desperate parents.
Their duties to help the needy
To be carried out hastily
By giving them lobotomies
Through a poison masked as a remedy.
I was there, a zombie amongst the horde
The ER having me deferred
To a ward full […]
Learning to swim, in the pool of life
You see every reason, to grab your knife
But no, its just out of reach
He’s climbing over your walls, they’re almost breached
Pray to the only thing you know true
He’s the only one who’s helped you through
But he can’t save you this time
Fore you’re too far in the pits of hell, for all your life’s crimes
You see the light but can’t reach it
He never knew, but he will this time, you’ll have to admit
Arms reach far to try to touch the light
But its useless, even though it shines so bright
You have […]
Tommorow i have a christmas party, at school.
Its suppose to be 75 degrees outside
While everyone else is wearing short sleeved shirts and capris.
Ill be wearking my skinney jeans and long sleeves.
With such fresh cuts as deep as mine
I’ll keep them to my self
Because their mine
Here goes another day living in the life of me…
14 supposedly a beauty queen
Finally in her teens
Always out there causing a scene
Skipping meals to finally become lean
Wishing she could be truly seen
Here it goes in the life of me..
He called my name
I walked away
Now im wishing i would have stayed
We walk around
Both looking at the ground
Scared to catch the other staring
But we both move on with out a sound
Remember the first night we kissed
I hope im not the only one who misses it..
I’m stupid for still loving you
My hopes are childish like i am
1 year younger, worlds apart
Here i sit with a broken heart
You said you wanted to ask me somthing..
Now im wondering what
But i lost my chance to hear it
By my own stubborness
Forgive me
For loving you
More then you could ever love me
Sorry […]
Seeing You, I cannot lie… it kills me
IÂ get even more depressed when I see You.
Your beautiful eyes.. dirty blonde hair that always flips to one side..
I think You’re beautiful.. absolutely beautiful..
But that’s what You think about.. Her..
Not me.
Seeing You smile, brightens up my day
yet still the room darkens, since Your smile isn’t towards me.
I hate seeing You, and not being able to talk to You
Hold You
Touch You
Kiss You
and mostly..
Love You.
I can love You from afar.. but it is not the same as when I was loving You upclose..
Seeing You is like a little knife being stabbed in my heart
and several blows to the stomache.
Seeing You […]
I wish Papa was still alive.
I wish God was still here.
I wish I succeed in obtaining 100% scholarship.
I wish I could go out and be normal.
I wish I could run away.
But most of all, I wish I was alive.
More and more I think that “If I die young” has a lot of truth behind it.
Why doesn’t anyone listen when we’re still here to voice our opinions? Because it’s “all in your head”, “you just need to cheer up” and “focus on the happy things in life” OH why didn’t I think of that -_-. On the other hand, if I were to go back to those same people with a physical disgnosis like cancer or even a broken bone…. I’d get a lot more sympathy and a lot more support. How is this alright? The millions of people with mental illness have […]
Fighting
In the boxing ring,
Fists held to my face,
Shielding myself from the blows headed my way.
I try and try so hard
Ducking, dodging, skirting away,
From the opponents coming my way.
Jab, hook, and cross
Side kick, front kick,
Knockdown.
On my back, looking up,
Dazed, startled, confused.
Panting, trying to catch my breath,
I wonder if it’s even worth it.
5,4,3,2…
Back on my feet,
Fists held to my face once more.
Kick, kick, kick,
Uppercut, jab, cross
In a blaze of aggression,
The round ends.
Gasping, sweating, blood trickles down my face
I try so hard to win,
But I just can’t fight any more.
xx
And in the morning when I don’t wake upÂ
what will change?Â
What will stop?
What will you say?Â
What will it matter anymore?Â
Not to me.
I will have been dreaming of being a big happy family and being healthy and being loved and wanted. That’s what will have changed. That’s what will matter.
no one can stop it
no one can change it
And what you say or don’t say, do or don’t do, won’t be able to hurt me anymore.Â
Because in the morning I didn’t wake up
For those who’ve kept up with my post. I almost cut last night but chose to make this video about self harm. The pictures are of my self harm they are graphic so if your easily triggered please dont watch.
Leave your comments on the video do you like it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KH0xxe3Kra0&feature=youtu.be
Pulled asunder and seething
But alas it’s still breathing.
Goddammit I can’t seem
To erase screams from my ears.
More like bleats from some goat.
The guttural roar of begging,
Echoes.
Guilt is only in passing, Fuck You.
And if the curtains were meant to stain.
As if planned on the day they were hung.
Placed ever so perfectly.
Meant to be where they were.
The zine from memories,
Often subsides,
To silent countenance.
It is fair
For beautiful innocence
To be smashed.
I kind of thought that I summed up the feeling of cutting, but I’d like to know if it seems right, because it does for me.
The slices on my wrist hurts
Yet I continue to feel pain
I don’t feel anything, not yet
Go deeper, hurt more, fresh blood.
My thirst quenched but the want
Grows more until I give in
Go another round, getting more high
The touch squeals with untimely pleasure.
I take a breath and sigh
A sweet moan escapes into darkness
As fresh blood sweeps me away
Dripping onto the newly bleached floor.
Drip-Drop, Crack-Smash, loud banging
On the bathroom door, begging me
To stop but I do not stop
No I keep playing this roulette.
Suddenly […]
If you wont listen to me, then how can i listen to you?
You expect me to understand?
Stand by and watch?
I tried to do that, i really did.
tried to see if you could find your way on your own.
But you couldnt.
Whether you really couldnt do it,
or if you just decided that you want to be miserable…
Ive tried to help you.
You blow off everything i saw, and hang up on me when i am being honest with you.
And honesty is what you said you wanted,,
not lies and bullshit..
the truth and straight shit.
Im sorry.
I love you dearly, with all my heart.
I want you to stay around forever and […]