Life has always felt overwhelming to me. I have on and off struggled with suicidal thoughts for about 15 years. Often I don’t have thoughts of suicide but just a strong feeling of wishing I was dead. That I didn’t have to deal with life anymore. That someone will hit me while I’m driving in my car or I’ll get sick. Life just seems so hard for me. It’s always been that way. On the outside I’m a high achiever but internally even the smallest things, just functioning as a “normal” adult, feel like so much work. I feel like the world we live in […]
Category:
Rants
Previously, I went to visit family in California for the summer. I was in a pretty bad place mentally, so I used the money I had saved up to go surfing all summer long.
And for the first time, in a long time, I was happy.
Not just happy on the waves, but at home too. It’s like the board was an extension of my body, and I was free to be me when I went out.
No homework, no stress, no group chats, no toxic friends, no mom, no dad, no yelling, no crying, just me, and the board.
Just me, surfing. […]
I was so angry.
no, that’s an understatement; I was livid.
The problem?
my mom said we were out of butter for the toast I was making.
I got so pissed because we ran out of butter. BUTTER. I don’t understand why the littlest and stupidest things are starting to set me off, but i’m worried i’m going to snap at the people I care about.
Why does this happen?
I just don’t get it.
I turn 21 tomorrow, and everyone is so excited and I just want to end it, no more running. I just want peace.
Masking heavy thoughts
Like dirt covering a dead seed
Giving life to unclean intentions
And sprouting the darkest deeds
Song lyrics?:
The things I’ve tried and heard
Looking for better words 2x
Idk I’m just trying to get rid of the loud thoughts and go tf to sleep
I could let myself die, and no one would care or notice.
written by UnknownUnheard
5 mins read
Ah yes, depression. The thing that’s been haunting me all my life, and just gets worse and worse. There were some points where I would get better for a while. But then I would spiral back into that dreadful state. Crashing harder and further each time. Sometimes I wonder, “when am I finally gonna give up?”
Here’s the thing I’ve never told anyone: I want to die. SO badly…..and it pathetic. It feels like a living hell each second I’m alive. And worst part is, nobody really gives a s***t.
My parents, brothers, and even my extended family quickly dismiss my suicidal ideation. I tell them. […]
today’s been rough. not sure why, honestly, it’s just been a hard day
i’m pretty frustrated with myself; kinda want attention but also i don’t want to inconvenience people by asking for it. eh, i don’t know
rough couple of days
If you need a friend and have nobody, follow me on IG and we can be each others friend. I’m lonely and been in a dark place. I’m losing so many friends.
*I accept all follow requests, just DM me after so I know this website is the reason for the add*
riley_with_a_d
it’s all just getting worse. it’s been a downhill spiral for so many years.
every single time i think something’s going to get better, even just a little bit, i’m slapped in the face and things get worse. it doesn’t matter if i hope a little or a lot for things to get better, or if it seems like there’s a way out – i try to take that way and i only fall further downhill.
i can’t afford to live. no one will hire me. i can’t do physical jobs because of my disability, i can’t handle college, i’m too mentally ill for most jobs, i’ve […]
I don’t want to live, but I don’t want to die. Sometimes I picture myself running away from my life. All my responsibilites, from school, from home and all my friends. I wish I was invisible, i wish people wouldnt acknowledge me. I want to be here without actually having to be here. I want to live in a dream where I never have to wake up. Can anyone save me from this madness?
Day by day, time seems to be going unbearably slowly, but looking at the big picture, the years went by without me noticing.
I’ve turned 21 recently, and accomplished very little, almost nothing since I got out of high school and I feel a lot of shame about it, but not in a motivating way,
It’s impossible not to think how I will never be able to be the person I could have been because I’ve wasted my time.Or should I say that it’s been stolen away from me? I lost it? Being stuck in the past, I’ve been rewinding years of my life, and […]
10 bottles of pills. Either have a seizure, enter an induced coma or die. All seems fine with me. Sounds peaceful. What if I fail again? That was a shit show.
I just me Bae…
Hello,
I Haven’t been on here lately as I have been trying to be a productive member of society again. It hasn’t been easy nor has it really made me feel any better about myself or about my life. I just ended up doing the same thing I did prior in life, I just bottled up my feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Then I carried on as usual until I couldn’t anymore, the feelings, emotions, and thoughts becoming unbearable again. I have realized that I do have support from God and “His Universe”. This “Faith” has gotten me further than I could have ever […]
It’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything on here. I thought that meant I was getting better, but here I am again. But I think I need to talk about this.
Honestly, I’m starting to worry that I’m all doing this for attention. The whole “being depressed” thing. I mean, I’ve wanted to die for almost a decade and what do I have to show for it? Maybe I’m subconsciously trying to manipulate people into feeling sorry for me. That thought makes me feel physically ill, but my pattern of behavior does seem to suggest this. It seems like every suicide attempt I […]
lately, a few memories have been flooding my mind, not sure why. it’s been a rough few months, honestly. and flashbacks haven’t made them any easier.
classes and homework are taking up a lot of my time, but still, feels like i’m spreading myself thin. friend of mine started to talk more regularly with me this year and they think it’s great and all but half the time i don’t know what to say. every time we talk, i feel so drained; i just physically can’t keep talking for the whole day.
kinda hard to explain, but it just constantly feels like i’m being talked down to, […]
Life is just a series of things you are not allowed to do.
As a child: BOOM! not allowed to fly, BOOM! no cool superhero abilities, or anything remotely magical, BOOM! not allowed to go where you want, do what you want.
As a teen: You have been taught to want this material Item, you want that social Inclusion too?…but BOOM! money wont let you and social indoctrination is here to destroy you! Romance BOOM! cheated on, heart broken and lambasted for trying. ps. start being a TOOL so you can buy all that.
As and Adult: now you will NEED this […]
The world breaks you: they say it makes you stronger
But I just realised we are just broke pieces and the only reason we’re stronger is because you cannot break the broken.
There is a part of me that feels numb; not dead . And I don’t know if that’s any better, because numbness can be beaten by an awakening right?
But then I think of funerals and how the dead are described as their own habits, how every speech is the same and I wonder if that person in the grave was once numb too. That life had finally brought them to their knees […]
Everything in my life seems to be going great. I am looking at colleges and can go wherever I want pretty much because we can afford it so i’m very lucky in that way, I have a job where i’m outside doing physical labor which I love, my friends are great and I have very close meaningful relationships. Yet despite all of this just because of one girl my entire world seems to be falling apart. It has been what seems like 5 months since we broke up, but I just can’t find that sense of comfort I had in that relationship. At this point […]
im not sure how im still here. in the past, i lived for someone else, now im just living only because im scared of pain. ive noticed myself stopping and thinking whenever in a social situation that it wouldnt make a difference if i was there or not, i will be grieved for a few weeks, mentioned here and there, but life will go on.