It hurts… it hurts to go on and keep breathing. I hate myself for burning every bridge and destroying my closest friendships. I guess in my fucked up brain I thought it would be better to make everyone not care about me now and hate me, then to hurt them later when they find out about my funeral. Not only did I not want them to stop me, I also didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t want them to find out about my lifeless body and have to tell my family because no one else knew anything about my family. I burned everything to […]
I’ve never believed I’d make it past 21. I was convinced I’d get a slight feeling of autonomy and take the opportunity to end everything, and yet i’m 26 and still falling into the same trap. 4 suicide Attempts since age 11. Each one interrupted before things started. Then I turn 20. While laying on the railway, I find goals to acheive, I move out, I build myself up financially, and now 5 years later, I’ve acheived my goals, and along the way I meet who would be my best friend and soon to be wife. And I come to realize that I’ve never been […]
just 1 am thoughts again. its always in a cycle, i get extremely suicidal, im in this weird state where im just numb and i feel okay i guess and then i spiral. im back in my suicidal part of the cycle, except one important thing: my brother killed himself. thats what the police say anyways, im not sure, i dont know. he came to me alot to vent, i shut him out, our relationship wasnt always the best, so right now the only thought that has been repeating is that i killed my brother. i drove him to suicide. i dont know where to […]
This whole forum thing is really new to me and I’m pretty scared of it all. I’m worried that I’m bothering everyone or doing something wrong by doing this, and while I may not feel really bad right now, I know that I will again at some point and that I really need the help. I’m a 16 year old therian and reluctant trans fem who is in a really bad place with their self esteem. I can’t stand being trans in the least and I just want to be cis… It makes things so much harder. I always hate how my body is wrong […]
I think I’ve gone off the deep end.
In the time and place at which I am writing this, it is almost 4 in the afternoon. If I hadn’t intervened 3 hours ago, I would likely still be in bed right now, oscillating between being asleep and being awake. Last night I fell asleep at around 4:30 in the morning, and even then it took a lot of effort to close my eyes for good. I never thought I could be so pathetic.
I haven’t done anything all day. I have no energy for anything anymore. I can’t even do things that I had wanted to do. […]
I don’t know how to start. I don’t really know what’s the main problem. I know I have a shitty life and I am kind of used to it. It sucks that I have to dissapoint everyone I care for, but I am used to it. I could go on without giving it too much thought, but the problem is my girlfriend. (I’m 21, she is 19). She is a constant reminder that I am not good enough and that I don’t deserve her. She reminds me all the time of how I dated my ex (which was fat, ugly and stupid) and how she […]
I feel like I can’t stare in the mirror for more than a few seconds at myself. When I look at myself I am just confused. I look at myself and say who the hell am I. I don’t know at all. I am around people who love me and want the best for me. But is it bad that sometimes I ask myself why. Why do these people even love me. Why do my friends and family care about me, since I barely care about myself. Depression makes you have such a different outlook on life. But then again I don’t know if that’s […]
Throughout my life I’ve met and connected with people that suffer the same way I do – that have an overwhelming sense of dread in the morning, or are waiting for the day to die. They’re all gone now. Moved onto better things. Better lives. And I’m still stuck here.
I don’t understand. There’s something inside my head – an anchor, chaining me in place. Why can’t I move on? Why can’t I get a friend? Why can’t I be successful in school? Why can’t I mean something to someone? And they can… Like it never was anything to them. Maybe I […]
It’s destroying me. I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t have any friends, nobody to talk to, or laugh with. I had friends in the past, but since then i have isolated myself completely. The last time i spoke with someone that wasn’t my family was 1 month ago, and they were still just classmates. I don’t even remember the last time i had an irl conversation with somebody. The worst thing is that if i wanted i could reach out to somebody, but at this point it’s almost as i want to be alone just to feel sadder. For some reason it’s reassuring even […]
MY MIND IS THE WORST!
I wish I could stop overthinking everything. I hate that I always make a mountain out of a molehill (sometimes even an anthill). It’s summer vacation but I’m still full of worries and I can’t tell whether or not they’re valid because I’m just too detatched from reality at this point.
Why am I so goddamn insecure? Why does my mind feel the need to compare me to others and make me feel infinitely inferior to them? Is it really accurate to think that I’m incredibly stupid, repulsively ugly, and undesirable in every way to be around? My insecurities are so awful […]
OH, MY DEAREST ******,
i hate you beyond comprehension. i miss you so much. why do i miss you??? why why why why why, ******?? do you know why??
ever since the abuse i have felt that there is something intrinsically wrong with me.
****** your hands are so cold!!!! pl e ase let go i can’t breathe
****** DID YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU DESPITE IT ALL
DESPITE THE THINGS YOU FORCED ME TO DO???
DID YOU KNOW THAT, ******????
I’M SO SORRY IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY IMSORRY, ******
DESPITE IT ALL I LO VE YOU SO MUC H
I can’t even silently exist near someone without coming off as a ***** (my brother says I have to watch my body language because I can come off as a ***** he didn’t say that exactly but thats essentially what he said). What the hell can I do? I don’t mean too I just try to stay out of the way and make as low of impact wherever I am, and if I speak I’m annoying or at least no one seems to care what I am saying their eyes wander they look at their phone they don’t even register what I am saying I […]
I just want someone to be proud of me but who would be proud of nothing
my mother/family effect everything I do sometimes I wish I had no family I mean I have always felt alone and all my family does is make me feel like crap . I cant stand this sad madness in my mind I cant take it! who am I? am I this monster they say I am? am I really so horrible? I try to be good but all they do is tell me or make me feel like I’m a villain my mother is the worse contender she’s the main reason the rest of my family think I’m so terrible she gossips about me to […]
This is my first post here, so hello. You can call me Grimhild. I’m in my early 20s. This is going to be a bit rambly. I’m very tired because I haven’t slept.
In short, I feel very useless.
I’m trying to get a physical disability diagnosed. I was supposed to sleep so I could get my blood test done, but every time I’m going to get a blood test done I cant sleep until the sun is up, then I pass out and sleep
I woke up today feeling absolutely dreadful. Getting up was so difficult to do; I was struggling in bed just wanting to sleep or, better yet, to die. I knew that I was going to be late to Homeroom but I didn’t care. It took me around ten minutes just to get my laptop from the drawer of the nightstand next to my bed.
It’s so beautiful outside, but it feels wrong. The stunning appearance of experience is a deceitful facade that conceals its horrors. I’m looking out the window right now and thinking, “How is it that the world has so many beautiful things in […]
Everything is so sad and depressing. I don’t know what to do with my existence, how to pass the meaningless time during which I’m awake. I could read one of my books or learn more physics, but I’ve lost interest in both of them. Those things gave me life, and now I feel dead. My dreams don’t help; they only provide me with more depressing thoughts. No wonder I’m afraid to sleep and keep staying up past midnight.
My 16th birthday is in only a matter of weeks. I’m so old, and yet I’ve done nothing with my life. I’ve been afraid of my birthday since […]
******!!!! ******, ******, ******!!! it’s summer once again, ******!!!!
do you remember last august, ******???? last september??? nOVembEr????? hoOW ABOUT OCTOBER, ******???
DO YOU REMEMBER, ******?
DO YOU???
DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID LAST AUGUST???? LAST SEPTEMBER??? NOVEMBER? HOW ABOUT OCTOBER, ******????
ARE YOU GOING TO FIND ME AGAIN, ****** ??
ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME BLEED AGAIN???? ARE YOU?
ARE YOU GOING TO TRAP ME AGAIN?? CUT ME OPEN?? ARE YOU GOING TO, ******???
YOUR HANdS Are SO CoLD, ******.
iLOVEYOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I used to come to this site a lot as a 13 year old. My username was MadeToFade.
Im Jamie. I’ll be 24 in late July of 2021. Before suicideproject was a .org, I came to type out my feelings. I expressed my frustrations and sadness, but I also conversated with a male 22 years older than myself on that website, underneath the old username Ive given above.
Due to observation by members of the site, it was pointed out that “Nolen” was in fact an adult, and “MadeToFade” was in fact a minor.
I am thankful that someone noticed and felt alarmed enough to […]
When I was in high school a so-called “friend” laughed at me and said “you are such a reject” for no reason. Those words always stuck with me.
I’m sick of being so hated and everyone jumping at any chance to let me know how much they don’t want me there. I’m sick of being a born loser at the bottom no matter what I do. I’m sick of being mocked and insulted and disregarded just for existing it seems. Everyone else gets support, but no, I deserved it somehow. What they do for others never seems to apply to me and me only. All I’ve […]