It sounds weird, but I’ve been in a way, staking your profile on here since you sent me your first post. That’s how much I care. Why? Because if you DO do it, I don’t want to learn from some depressing story on the news. Either way it wouldn’t be any fun… Maybe it’s because I don’t want another Aunt Cheri. Well, that’s actually one reason… Another reason? Because you are my closest friend. Even though I’ve only seen you in person twice, you are the only one that knows about 90% of my secrets. I just wish you would tell me when you want […]
Rants
Dedication, intensity, effort, practice, determination… all those words in Gatorade commercials: sometimes you just, fail.
You get back up again, and fail again. Every failure hurts. You see people trying until they succeed, but you never see someone trying and failing all the time. If you try a a hundred times, they tell you you’ll succeed the 101st time. If you try a thousand times, you’ll succeed 1001. At what time can you quit and you’re not a quitter? You tried, you failed….. you’re a failure. You stop trying, you’re a quitter. You tell yourself you don’t care. It might even be true after a while. Passion […]
“Non playable character.” Or to be more accurate, an AI. An artificial intelligence, played by the game or computer itself. No personality. They’re only there to add little elements to the lives of everyone around it, perhaps to make their gaming more difficult or to allow them to open a new door. I am fully aware I just used a gaming metaphor, and now you know how much of a nerd I am. Not that I am a gamer girl or anything, the only game I’ve played in years is sims. I’m just an idiot kid out of high school with no friends, no skills, […]
people who arent suicidal trying to make you feel better. its pretty annoying. whenever my friends or family is trying to make me feel better, seeing that im in a pretty bad mood they just say something like: oh think of someone who is worse off than you..
I mean, I get it ok? there’s always going to be someone who’s in a worse situation than me. but here’s the thing about when you say that. thinking about all that, the people who are close to me with cancer, starving, hurting….i cant deal with it it just makes me more depressed. also i know they […]
I hate it when every time i feel like i’m getting somewhere with maintaining and re-establishing my 8 year friendship with my best friend she finds a new way to dimish all hope of us still being friends when we leave school and i don’t have alot of time because year 11 finishes in 10-11 weeks and my friend will stop going to school to go to tafe and it’s frustrating because it feels as though i’m the only one fighting for our relationship, because i’m the one to ask her do you want to see a movie? go shopping? or have a sleepover? and every single time […]
It’s around 4:30am, I have work in a few hours, I wanted to make a post about how I’ve been thinking and thinking of people who came and went in and out of my life. Why have I always been overly attached to those people?
In middle school I dated a family friend’s son. I was with him for about 1 and a half year? I never  grew attached to him like I was gonna do with the next 3 upcoming men in my life. I did happen to love this kid, but it never actually cried and ache for him. After that was over, I […]
I am, aren’t I? I am going mad.
How am I feeling?
Absolutely, positively, maddeningly sad.
I went to the gas station by my house instead of having dinner, and spent the whole time asking myself a never-ending string of what if’s? Â What if all of this is a waste? What if everything is irrational? What if? What if? What if?
When they say “It’s sink or swim”, What if you just get the fuck out of the water?
So in depression is it really sink or swim? Â You can drown in depression, or struggle to swim away… Unless you get the fuck out. Take a […]
I made this account a couple of weeks ago when I was searching for an exit from this life. I realized something this time around which was that I wanted to die but I wasn’t as suicidal as I once was, almost as if I gave into this life and its reality that I clearly was always against. I found it strange how we are willing to help another on this website or elsewhere and yet can’t help ourselves. I feel we were all deprived of something from our childhood that we needed and that lack of attention, love, or simply not being […]
hello, Â I’ve been sad for quite some time, I’ve attempted to commit so many times, so many different ways. Here’s alittle bit of my background, I was inlove, I had friends, I had a good job. Everything is gone, I’m not happy anymore, life has manage to take everything away from me. Did I cause this? was it my fault that everyone is gone? For the past week I have been researching on different ways to commit, I came across this website and here I am, making my first post.
I think I felt inlove with my eyes close. I knew it was true love, I […]
I can’t believe I keep letting this happen.
I have this boy I love having sexual intercourse with, he’s absolutely amazing, everything is nice and perfect size.
Anyway, he’s always treated me pretty bad, like there’s no relationship here just casual sex but still, respect is needed and this thing works two ways, okay so he was all like keen and now he’s only allowed to ask me when he’s keen I’m not allowed like seriously.
Oh and now he’s bringing more people into it. I don’t know how to say no so I go along with it. And tonight it’s just gotten out of […]
I’m not really good at anything besides listening to people.
I’ve always wanted to become a writer, photographer, artist, music maker.
But I’m not good at any of those things.
Anything really, besides listening to people.
Having that be my career… Listening to people (therapist) but once again; no one listening to me,
It hurts me . It seems stupid but it does.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love helping people… I just wanted to do something else.
But it’s whatever, right.. ?
Had a rough few days. I’m so drained, and still have things to take care of. Crying every now and then. Music by my side, stuffed animal by my side. I do not hunger and I do not thirst. I just sit here like a brick as I keep moving forward. I read a an old posted link and It made me realize I am not as good as I thought. While other want to fight but don’t know how I’d just like to get away from everything. Away far away. I don’t know where that is. But it’s what I want. And just like […]
Well I’ve become friends again with a girl i went to high school with, not sure if I’ve mentioned it before… But anyway every weekend for the past 2 months we go out clubbing and everything but she doesn’t invite me out on Wednesdays or Thursdays which are the most social days of the week here… I don’t want to ask to go because like that’s just asking to be around people who don’t or might not want you around you know?
Uhhh I don’t know what to do at all, I over think things to much and create problems that don’t need to be […]
Life was always hard on me, from the day I was born.. with an alcohlic father who had abandoned me and my mother when I was 2 and a mother who’s hobby is to blame me for everything and yell at me.. Really no one to care for me at this age. I was always alone and I tried my best to always get out of the house as much as I could because why would I stay there..
When I got older and there had been more yelling towards me, neglect, and beatings.. I even remember one time when i was in grade 2 and […]
I have absolutely had it with this world. This society. The sheep that live around me. The doctors so greedy for money that they slap a label on me, without doing proper investigation, that follows me for the rest of my life. Let me elaborate a bit.
At 16 years old, I was having trouble coping with the pressures of adolescence and growing up in an abusive home. One day the pain became too much to bear and I broke down. I was taken to a mental hospital. (Of course a mental hospital. Because people in this day and age are too self-absorbed to HELP a […]
Go to sleep and close your eyes,
And dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wings against a thorn.
You know the pain that they have endured
Silver metal
Shine so bright
Scarlet blood
That feels so right.
Dream of that blood trickling down,
And wake up just before you drown.
The moonlight shining off your tears
As you bleed out your worst fears
So tonight when you start to cry
Whisper the cutters lullaby:
Hushabye baby,
Your almost dead you don’t have a pulse
And your pillow is red.
Your family hates you
Your friends let you bleed
Sleep tight with a knife,
Cause its all that you need.
Rockabye baby,
Here are some songs that I can relate to when I’m feeling depressed and suicidal.
Please leave a comment with your own suggestions so we all have something new to listen to!
Coming Apart (This video was loosely based on the story of Kevin Hines, a young man who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge)
Coming Apart Music Video. – YouTube.
Water Under The Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Because I attempted suicide, I really like the lyrics – “I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-JodA2YcY
Gorilla Zoe Featuring Lil Wayne – LOST
“I’m losing my mind, […]
I have hated myself since I can remember. I always thought I was worthless. I remember looking at myself in the mirror when I was 5 and thinking ‘I hope my face changes and looks better when I grow up’. I’ve never fit in with anyone and I cry a lot. I feel like my body is a prison and I would do anything to be free. Suicidal thoughts take control of my life when I am on a low. I can’t get rid of them. I’ve had these thoughts since I was 10 years old. I battle myself constantly and it’s exhausting. Only my […]
I’m listening to a song as I work on my project. I do 3D modelling for personal release even if it isn’t comeplete. I’ve been working on an eye since eyes are another thing I’ve drawn well that hasn’t stopped. Eyes see everything even what they brain doesn’t process. Pain, happniess, sadness, weakness, strength joy, it see the world and what you see is reflected in them when the camera captures you in a freeze.
My eyes see the blurr frm tears that won’t fall. I’m still doing anything to distract myself because I have no real hope anymore. Just a passive motion. I’m […]
The fucking country were I was born it is making me more suicidal. Everyday I have to listen all kind of bullshit and stupidity, it is like everyone is trying to be as ignorant and rude as possible. Sick and tired, everytime I go out, I just can think: I hate this place if I have to stay here I will kill myself..