Rants

7

I think I’m gonna kill myself… what a scandal if I died

April 18th, 2009by Kez

I’m 23, gay male and miserable a good deal of the time. I feel like I have no right to be so unhappy when I have so much going for me, but rather than feel guilty, I feel like, it’s not fare. Why would someone, God, Fate, Karma, whatever, give me so much to enjoy and so little capacity to enjoy it. I walked home alone tonight from a big drag show where everyone was having a good time. On the way out the door, I cheerily said goodbye to five friends, two of my therapists and the boy I’m in love with, who only …

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4

everything to nothing

April 15th, 2009by tess

today i was in that mood. the one thats haunted me for 5 years, the mood where jumping off a tall building feels like a good idea. i mean, i’ve been given every advantage. as far as skin color goes, i am not a minority, therefore not having to deal with racism. i do not have to deal with divorce in my family. i am not abused. my family doesn’t have to worry about money. i was born healthy, smart. a bright, successful future is all that is pictured for me. and in 16 short years, i managed to screw that up. i am too …

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2

whats the point?

April 12th, 2009by steph x

at 16 years old im suppost to be having fun going to parties and enjoying my life, right? im suppost to have encouraging friends, look up to my sister? well how come that doesnt work. im pretty experienced in my life, and iv done and been through a lot. this year has been a bit compact for me. it started with my close to 2 year relationship ending abruptly as he used me for sex and told me he loved me and would never hurt me, but 10 hours later i became the ex. i took that pretty hard. then one of my really good …

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1

Upside Down Life with a Touch of Hope

April 12th, 2009by upsidedownlife

We always believe it we have it so bad. If we didn’t, none of us would be here writing our stories that are filled with anger and pain. I suppose I am bitter. Bitter with everyone I trusted that I know can not stand but have no escape from.

I would like to believe I am a good person who is a useful community member. As it stands I find this very hard to believe. And like everyone else …. I don’t know why. I can not understand my thought process let alone why everything is upside down and twisted around in my life.

At 11 years …

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4

stuped teachers

April 9th, 2009by trying to recover

im in 9th grade and theis friday we ware having a talent show. well get this. i was just in practes and we war 1 mesure (4 beets) off and we got kiked out becaus the ***** hates me and my friend! we had woked for about 3 months on a song calld bring me to life by evenecenc. three bloody months! the ***** oferd us our $10 back….how dous that compensate for time wasted i cold have ben working on my web page or sompthing i even made a fuking efort to stop cutting my self so i woldent freek out the liddel kids …

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1

inpending doom

April 7th, 2009by hopeless72

Last week my husband came to see me so that we could talk. Well he came back the next day and then stayed the nite on friday nite. He had told me we were sole mates and would be together for the rest of our lives. I had to work on saturday so he went to help his mother with yard work. He sent me a text message staing he would be to my house after i got off work at 6. He then sent another text message about two hours later that asked me if i would be upset if he didnt come over

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3

What do you do when your only worth is paying?

April 7th, 2009by pat riot

I’m a white, male, divorced (twice) smoker.

As tax time approaches I can’t help ut wonder if there is any real contribution that the unwashed require of me but to just shut the f* up and pay the f* up.  I think april 15th should be a mass suicide day perpatrated by white males everywhere which would send the world economy into a tailspin of destruction with riots, looting and eventual collapse into the stone age.

Yes, I’m going to do it.  Send my wealth off shore, fire the 28 people that work for me on the 13th and send a .38 through mu oblongota on the 15th.  …

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3

The Last Moment

April 6th, 2009by Undead_Kangaroo

To pull a trigger.  To jump off the building.  To make that last cut that’s really deep enough to do the damage.

It’s that last moment that’s always so hard to get around.

There are so many opportunities to die.  So many.  And so easy it is!  And yet there’s something that holds most of us back when we get to that edge.

I suppose that’s the reason why lots of us choose pills instead of more direct means…  It’s hard to actually take action to be physically destructive to the self in a final way.  But pills?  They’re easy.  They don’t hurt when you take them.  And …

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4

Lost Love

April 5th, 2009by Scarlet

I am a 14 year old boy, and I had fallen in love with a 16 year old girl, and she had fallen in love with me. We dated for months, and I think most would call our relationship unhealthily obsessive. We spent literally most of every day together, and we could barely bear to be away from eachother. We both thought about the other frequently, and we’d claimed that we always wondered if we were thinking about eachother at the same time. I always forgave her for everything and felt horrible when she gave up something for my sake, such as canceling something to …

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2

getting closer to suicide

March 30th, 2009by homeoffice

I’ve read a couple of posts and I think its great that people have a chance to express themselves and get others to help. I’ve tried to fill myself 4 or 5 times now and I havent been able to do it. I know that most people have issues and that they find it difficult to talk to someone or maybe feel that there is no way out.

I never believed in suicide and I always thought that anyone that tired to kill themselves was selfish and that they didn’t think of the people around them that could help. At the very worst I thought you …

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12

A DECONSTRUCTED LIFE

March 28th, 2009by deliriousgirl

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday.

My brother, who would have been 47 years old, committed suicide by hanging himself from his attic trapdoor in the hallway of his house on December 15th, 2008.  He left no note, no explanation, no message of any kind.  Since his death I’ve had the near-obsession of recreating his life from the scraps that were left.  An email here and there (I was able to hack into his computers), a receipt from Home Depot (for rope, plastic zip ties, and a metal pole) that was dated four weeks prior, bills and business files, phone calls and messages on his cellphone, the …

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11

April 12th

March 25th, 2009by escapee

That date might not mean much to you, it’s just like easter sunday or monday or whatever, to you. To me, that’s going to be the date on my grave; May 1994 – April 2009. I’m doing it then, simply because that’s when I’m guarenteed no one [my grandparents, my brothers] is going to walk in and somehow manage to prolong this. Somehow manage to like, spring me back to life and race me to the hospital so they can “save” me while still conveniently managing to give me amnesia or something so I forget that I’m supposed to DIE.

Also, they’ve told me they’re sending me to …

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2

I’m Not Quite Sure.

March 22nd, 2009by forrealzkaitlyn

 I think it all happened in seventh grade. I met this wonderful girl, her name was Patricia. I first met her in drama class, she had brought this razor to class and was cutting up her notebook. All I could think of was the razor I played with last night cutting into my wrists again and again. I slowly fell for her, she didn’t even help me up. I was so near to telling her how I had felt, but she told me about this guy, they were going out and she was inlove with him. . . She tore my heart out, squised it …

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2

so confused

March 21st, 2009by soconfused

I dont know what im going to do without her. She was my bestfriend at least i thought. I wasted 3 years of my life in some friendship. You might say friendships come and go.. but ill tell you why this one was diffrent. We were more then friends at one point. She started it and i went along with it just so happy that someone loved me. One night when she stayed the night she put her arm around me and that was it. Its as much as my fault as it is hers i didnt stop anything. Nothing serious ever happened just cuddling

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8

broken

March 21st, 2009by NowInTheEnd

Im putting this somewhere in cyberspace since no one in my life would bother to read it if I left it here and I want someone somewhere to know my story.

Ive been alone for so long now that I can barely remember what its like to have an actual conversation and the crushing solitude has crossed the threshold of the unbearable and any hope of rekindling any kind of social connection has long since faded so its time to hang it up (not literally though im way too much of a

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3

numb

March 18th, 2009by greatwar

as a child beaten and unloved, told to leave and never to return.

alone and desperate for love, let in love, well what i thought was love, to be let down and left with two wonderfull children, but still wanted to be loved and wanted to be wanted, let love in again, to be beaten and abused, no one to help, let down by everyone,  12 years long years, trying to hide it form my (now three) children, lost in the divorce, hunted out of my home, relocated, in poverty, no fridge, cooker, carpets, and baillifs around tomorow to take what i have left.

iam numb, i …

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7

Having the physical pain I do, it makes me feel like I want to die

March 17th, 2009by Surgey

I have always been a VERY strong person. I am the one people would come to for advice and for strength but lately I find myself completely without strength and it also feels like no one I have ever been there for is there for me now. I have rheumatoid arthritis and I’m 28 years old. I was born with the disease and my whole childhood was destroyed by the illness. I never had a normal life. So I grew up knowing how to deal with pain and suffering. However, I went into complete remission when I was 18 and my life became wonderful. I …

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15

So depressed I dont know what to do…

March 17th, 2009by Kenny

I’ve been this way for years now. Antisocial. Never the popular guy. Kind of a hermit, I keep to myself. I’ve dealt with depression and feelings of suicide before, but they eventually went away. In the last year though, I’ve really gone back downhill. I’m living alone and I lost by job back in December. That kind of deflated me. For the last year, I’ve been employed for maybe five or six months and for the rest of the time I’ve been jobless. Nothing inspires me. Any job I ever work is thankless and uninspiring and I find myself depressed even when I DO have …

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3

Sick and tired….

March 17th, 2009by Mari

Okay so I was reading some post people made about the people who write on this website. I can’t stand people that judge. Who call us sick. A big part of my depression is genetics, so I can’t help it. I know there are people who have it wrose off then I do but still you can’t call/judge people on their feelings. So in my eyes those people who do judge/call names, are the ones who are sick. It’s kinda hard for some of us to deal with things. And I’m sure if those people who talk shit went through some things that some of …

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10

Want to rewind and start over…

March 13th, 2009by Mari

I so wish I could rewind my life and go back to start over. I was driving hone from work today and I just had a constant thought running through my mind…I want to just keep driving, never to look back, just start my life over, somewhere no one knows me, knows my past…There’s parts of me I hate. When did I become the person who does half the things I do. I look at myself in the mirror and I get disgusted. I had so many dreams for my life, and who I am now, was not one of them. I don’t understand how …

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