To the people around me I’m just that average semi popular kid who has a lot of friends and is always smiling. If they only knew how much effort I have to use to pretend like I’m this happy person. When in reality all I think about is ending my life. I weigh 120 lbs I’m 5’7 and I’m almost 18. I’ve attempted suicide a couple times with no success, I don’t even know why I continue to live this miserable existence. I suffer from terrible anxiety, bi polar, and bpd. I’ve tried multiple medicines, years of therapy their isn’t much left to try. I […]
Rants
When people use alcohol, marijuana, heroin, cocaine, (lean/sizzurp/codeine/etc), meth, and prescriptions to cope they are put in rehab centers or jail to stop their actions. (Yes the obvious is that most of those are illegal). They are told they should be sober and rational to decide how to live their lives.
Yet if one has soberly and rationally decided to end one’s life because one is tired of going through things, then one is told that they have a ‘mental issue’ and need a bevy of prescribed drugs to set them right. Many no safer on the body in the long term than illegal drugs and […]
farmerstrong13. Thank you for your post. Actually I do not believe you can imagine how I feel unless you know my story; so this is the short long version.
I am in my early seventies and totally sane and rational. ( I think) I am an engineer with a highly scientific background and with personal interests and hobbies in astronomy and physics however my memory for technical stuff is going fast. CRS.
I do not believe in any scriptural deities and classify myself as an agnostic-deist. I define that, as a person that accepts the possibility something, or some entity may have been instrumental in the creation […]
Something I wrote years ago expressing my only real goal. I was raised southern baptist. And while most people fell on their knees and bowed to god I wanted to be one. And I read some of the Torah, Quran, a lot on Buddha, the Hindu deities, Shinto etc. I figured that I’d wipe the slate clean and just give all beings the chance to create their own universe to their own liking and they could be free to interact or not as they will. None of this forced acquiescence and forced submission that currently exists. If so many ideals, rules, expectations, mores, traditions, religions, […]
Hi, let me start by saying that I am NOT suicidal. However, I have tried to commit suicide when I was younger a few times, but, I never actually tried to where it’d actually put so much as a scratch on me. I also often want to die… But honestly, I just don’t have the balls to do anything… And I also thought about if, I fail, and wake up in a hospital, get better, have to go to therapy, people ask me questions, all that shit would piss me off.
Anyway, what I came here for is to have a place to rant and just […]
Im still sane.
I told my cousin how I’m in love with her and that I think about her all the time, told her my dream where I ask her out which to me shows this love isn’t a horny attempt for a teenager to get laid with his hot cousin.
I believe sometimes that my love for her iss an ill attempt to find love again after being heartbroken by Nycolle. My love is real and not some incest bound love, because if she were anyone else i would fall for her either way. I wish to exchange a kiss so badly and hopefully […]
Don’t really know how to begin, but know I want my pain to end. Kinda ironic, looking for an ending before a beginning. At almost 52 I have been a freaking caretaker my entire life, taking no care of myself, just everyone else. Alcoholic father, died 26 years sober…not bad! Molested as a child, by a brother and watched my sister being molested, which she denies. Found out in my forties he molested my other brother, too.  Lived with my molester as an adult, as my sister moved home when her 1st husband died with her 2 sons, (she has 3 and they are […]
I feel like I am being hounded. I have no-one to turn to or talk to. I feel like I have no purpose in life other than to cook brownies for my sister’s film crew or do the laundry for my family or some other menial household chore. I want to end this but haven’t the will to find a purpose outside of what I know. I hate the role I have as my family’s domestic servant. I want out. I have very little money and only a high school education. Getting a job is so hard because I can rarely remember all the stuff […]
My family read my diary, which described all the details of my sadness and my wish to die. I am now on lock-down. They don’t want to leave me alone and I am being pushed toward hospitalization. I now have to move out of my sister’s house because she fears for her children’s safety, not really mine.
So,
I’m looking for a place to live, but I honestly want to be done with this. I have no where to go and no on wants to claim me. I’m pretty sure no one cares about me and the one person I thought I could count on made me […]
I don’t know if anybody else has ever had to hear this. My mother says this to me all the time and each time I fucking hear her say it all i want too do is fucking scream at her. Every time i make a simple mistake “Tune into life”, every time I’m moving slow “tune into life”, every time she fucking blames me for something that i had nothing to do with “tune into life”. Does she really think that that is good advice. Because I have tuned into life, that is the problem, i have always been tuned into life, i pay attention to the world […]
Things are going to Hell really fast. I’m running out of time and this house of cards is about to fall. Everything is so unstable, wrong and unbearable. People are dying, getting killed, going to jail and that isn’t even the end of it. I wish I was as strong like the people around me, after some family members died they just picked up the pieces and moved on… It would be sad to say that it took a tragedy to bring a family together, but maybe then they would start cherishing and appreciate each other, but it is even sadder to say that two […]
Since my mental condition got really bad,I live like a prisoner.I am not behind bars ,but I lead such a limited life.I cannot even drive a car or go to a bank to withdraw some money from my bank account.I can’t even buy a mobile phone or have my mobile phone repaired.I have become a really isolated disabled recluse whose life is really painful.I have only one friend ,but I think I’m losing him too.Because I no longer enjoy being with him.Maybe that’s because he’s not mentally ill.He is normal.His life is not limited or boring ,and he expects to have a bright future.I have […]
Looking through others’ stories, I know my situation and emotions are not unique. I’m also acutely aware that I could be a lot worse off than I am. Sometimes I see my depression as self-pity. Maybe it is. None of it changes that when I lost my job this week — the only good thing that was mine alone — it made me want to die all over again.
I doubt I will be able to get another job at all like the one I just lost. My work history is sketchy, and personal connections and education inadequate.  I’m 25 years old and I have never […]
Warning to those planning on exiting. Please make sure you do not do it impulsively. Took three weeks off work. And let’s just say I was in a certain place under the influence of chemicals and alcohol and the thought occurred to me to go ahead and do it and die.
Needless to say I failed. Paid no attention to my environment and ended up with nice short stays in places where they keep one confined for one’s own safety  over the holidays. Lucky I did not lose my job.
But I did discover how the last two people who wronged me left themselves open. Not normally a […]
I’m not bipolar. I’m multipolar. Every emotion I feel is too much. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. Anxiety is my core feeling — truly the mother to all of my other feelings. Imagine that for a minute. Some of it makes sense, stuff like fear, sadness, or paranoia should stem from anxiety. But joy or happiness or love, the best and most important feelings to have, coming from anxiety? How ridiculous!
Living this way leads to a lot of extreme behavior. Edginess is the norm. Acting out is common. In the past year and a half, I’ve bought a house, gotten a divorce, lost […]
The idea of actually going through with suicide has never crossed my mind until this very moment… I mean you think about it but yearning it is a very different feeling. I’m not afraid of the pain, it can’t hurt as bad as what I’m going through and yes I know, people on this site and out in the world have a lot more problems than I do. Hell, if I could, I would fix everyone’s problems, no one should worry about having no money, losing a job, not being able to afford food or water, being sick or worse yet losing someone. No one […]
I’ve always managed my depression very well. But recently over the last 4 months I have just seemed to sink lower and lower. Now I know it probably hasn’t helped I’ve bottled up my feelings in the past.
But anyway the main problem is I’ve lost my smile, confidence and my ability to interact socially.
See about ten years ago I was a very recluse person and if I did go out I was always a loner. Then I met my best mate and he brought the best out of me.
Now ten years later he now lives in a different town and I’ve started […]
Not really too sure what I’m going to write about, but I feel the need to express myself. Here goes nothing..
So lately I’ve been freaking out quite a lot. When I say “freaking out” I mean, REALLY freaking out. Like throwing cookie dough at my dad, screaming, having the cops called on me, and my brother throwing a peanut butter jar at my face to get me to stop. Made for a nice little fat lip for a few days.. I can’t even remember why anymore. It was stupid. A flash.
I was so pissed that day I just couldn’t calm down. I had to shower […]
one day for sure. i will. i will die at my own hands. Why shouldn’t we be able to pick when we want to die? I think we should. Its our owN life not someone elses. We wouldn’t be harming anyone. Only temporarily. I want to die so bad sometimes. I hate when people(teachers mostly for me) mention suicide and laugh about it and stuff. I Hate that. They shouldn’t be saying things that can hurt someone emotionally. I get affected by people who say certain things. Maybe its just because I have the desire to die and I’d actually consider myself suicidal. But I […]