Stories of Loss

The darkness of life,

The brigthness of death,

Life’s excruciating pain,

Death’s soothing pleasure,

Life’s long term toil,

Death’s eternal rest,

Life’s confusing uncertainty,

Death’s confirmed state,

The confinement of life,

The freedom of death,

The caustic acid that is life,

The healing balm that is death,

Life’s sour holding,

Death’s sweet release.

It is funny how when people are upset about their issues, one of the main responses they are given is a comparison to people who are considerably worse off by objective comparison.

Nobody brings up people who seem to be considerably doing better by a similar comparison. 

The motive behind it is understandable, yet since this is a world with no gurantees and one can only control ones actons and thoughts to a limited extent after one is born, why shoul one feel guilty for being born in a country where poverty is less of a problem than say a third world country.

Why should one feel guilty […]

Even my friends abandon me in the end
fair-weather and clear skies bring us together
Strife and storms bore us apart
When things work out they’re there for me, but
When I’m in need, they flee
I’m too much, I’m a downer, I’m lost
I’m not worth it, I’m unfixable, I’m depressed
Why try to be what I’m not, just to see anothers response
When on the inside I’m just completely done?
I see the world for what it is, my views aren’t distorted
There is no love, no care, only hatred.
And when I say it aloud I draw a crowd of lies about

Im just done. I tried being the nice guy. I did all the right things, said all the right bs, all to make everyone else happy. But you know what? I’m not happy. It ate away at me, piece by piece, until the only thing left was a walking corpse with my face. Every lie I told to keep everyone else safe. Taking all the blame, all the abuse and ridicule, all the punishment. I can’t do it anymore. Recovery is a lie that posterboys preach, a lie I’m done believing in. I’m depressed. I’m done trying to escape it, trying to treat it, trying […]

Yesterday I got my living will in order.  Cashed in all of my investments and assets. Paid off all my major bills up until the date of my demise.  Still have to buy food and sundries though.  As well as going to quite a few events and purchasing a lot of anime and asian horror to watch up until the day.  Sent off my contributions to the local children’s hospitals.  May go and visit again the week before I go.

For once I am at peace.

No more pain and prescription side effects. from the mental meds and the physical meds.  Strange how even living a healthy […]