Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

6

Hopeless

January 11th, 2018by CaptchaIsSlavery

I was born into a family history of abuse.  My female progenitor, “Louise”, (who I stopped calling mother years ago) was raped by siblings and step-parents and ignored by her female progenitor who favored the boys according to Louise.  She got pregnant with me seemingly to “catch” her boyfriend, who didn’t take the bait and left.  I suspect they were both damaged, shitty, selfish, childish people who couldn’t love.  Louise then neglected me from birth and abused me mentally/emotionally for several years as a single mother on welfare.

As an example, when I was a boy of maybe 8-10 years old, I wrote Louise a poetic …

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3

I don’t know anymore.

January 8th, 2018by foreverinevitable18

Hi I’m an 18 year old college student who is going through a lifetime of stress, depression, and anxiety. Depression has always been a factor in my life, for I have been depressed for six years now and find no way out. Although I am a very smart individual and have a great circle of friends who care for me, I have issues with opening up with people. I struggle with telling others of how I truly feel because I believe that they truly wouldn’t care, is it wrong to believe that individuals only care for their self being? I am constantly abusing drugs and …

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6

i won’t grow to be old

January 5th, 2018by iamdarling

i’m not sure why, but i have this weird feeling that i won’t grow to be old. i mean, i can’t imagine myself living until i’m, what, ninety?

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3

What can I do

January 3rd, 2018by crackedheart

I just have no idea what to do anymore. I don’t want to be alive anymore but I can’t kill myself because anytime I think about doing it and how much I just don’t want to be forced to live on this rock, I see my parents and friends faces and how sad they’d be. This always brings a sense of hopelessness, I can’t die, I don’t wanna be here but I have to be so fuck what do I do. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere on this whole world and constantly feel homesick for a place that I’m losing hope I could …

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2

Jenny.

December 29th, 2017by vale_et_bonum_nox_noctis

The moments in a person’s life where everything changes aren’t even the most catastrophic. Sometimes it’s in the hours of empty that follow the catastrophe. In the hours where you feel the life fade away…

What kind of sick bastard—

My first instinct was to block it out. My first instinct was to make it so it didn’t happen, and I was good at it. I couldn’t be Jennifer anymore—so I lost her. I buried her, with…

A mother is supposed to love her kid, so why…? Why ?

I can remember every detail of

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0

I want to pull the fucking trigger

December 27th, 2017by Urm8451n

that is it. I had enough.
I had enough of this kind of life.
I screwed up a few times. other times I got screw over.
Im fucked up.

I want to be soulless. I want to be with out feelings
I want to be a fucking robot.

I don’t want to communicate. I don’t want to love, to cry, to be mad.

God. If you are out there, when I wake up tomorrow morning, please wake me up feeling less.
Please help me become this hollow shell.

Why would you take away from me so much, without taking my feelings too? …

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2

Memories in Reverse

December 25th, 2017by SunshinesBlackhole

So the boy I was falling in love with died less than three months ago and I’m okay sometimes and other times it’s worse than when I got assaulted years ago and thought I was dying.

Memories of him always pop up, always freeze me up, make me break down and hide away and I’m fairly used to it, but I’m the past few days I’ve been having memories of him that never happened nor could ever happen, because, well, he’s dead now.

I see him and I playing in the snow together. I see him surprising me with cute things. Celebrating the holidays. I feel myself …

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15

The worst year

December 23rd, 2017by The Wrong Boy

So….man,that wont to be a good year,it’s not just for me but for everyone here in the blog,i know it has persons with more problems than me or we but i just don’t like to have these problems,my life is just a sadness history with so many pain and depression….and that are not just words but feelings…MY feelings,and now my feelings are so sad….downed…btw,here…do you know Christmas?..Yeah,it’s what’s going to happen soon but now i already recived my gift AND i recived NOTHING….seriously,i just recived nothing,my 3 sisters just recived a fucking Tablet…..i don’t care about what they recived,but,man,i just need a good day,a good …

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5

current state of my mind

December 21st, 2017by Caelum

Hello

I am not sure how to start…I have this kind of suicidal thoughts more than 10  years now(around in my mid 20es). What is my situation now?I took a break in my studies.I studied business information in the 6th semester but I never graduated by University.It isn’t like I hate or love my minor but after some semesters I think it is boring and not enjoyable to study and work in this subject/environment.

I felt always like I don’t belong to anyone or group not because I am hyper shy/introverted but I am like jack of all trades.Actually during my studies I built my own social …

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7

Bad things

December 14th, 2017by mranony

It’s been a while since I had a really bad dream from the past. It’s the season maybe lol.

I wonder if I wasn’t molested by adults or became a victim of incest… I wonder if I’ll be a better person than I am today.

I wonder if they ever forget. I wonder if remembering makes me a slut because even now I can’t forget their touches. I can never forget and it makes me hate my everything.

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4

I was already bad, and then he died

December 14th, 2017by SunshinesBlackhole

So, I first wrote on here in 2013 talking about my budding depression.

I’ve had lifelong issues: chronic illnesses, abusive parents, bullying, many sexual assaults, death of family members, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts.

I wrote in here when I was fourteen. I’m nineteen now, a sophomore at a good college. Decent GPA. I haven’t cut myself in years, I was seeing a therapist, on some helpful medication. I was better, never good, but better.

I had a bad breakup a few months prior. I was getting diagnosed with yet another a new chronic illness. I was estranged from my friend group because of said breakup, and my …

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1

being your illness

December 12th, 2017by onemorehour

 

 

i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.

 

i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one …

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3

How my life has changed for the better/ worst

December 6th, 2017by texasmedic

I’ve had a lot on my mind tonight and I figured I’d write this to maybe help someone. I’m a 24 year old Paramedic and I’ve been in 911 for 5 years and I love my job. Back in 2014 I was in a motorcycle wreck in April, to keep things short I broke my leg, foot, wrists, hands, and had internal damage. After almost 6 months of therapy I went back to work. During that time frame I had two immediate family deaths, found out my Dad was a pill addict for the past (then) 10 years, and a friend of mine killed himself …

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11

Everything in one post (Almost everything)

November 29th, 2017by Fuckedupworld

Well, uh I don’t know where to begin really. Here goes nothing.

I’m 17 years old, male by the way. I’ve not gone through much but that small, meaningless actions I went through shifted me into who I am today and brought me up to wander along the idea of suicide.
Now let’s get to the very beginning, ever since the first grade I had this cousin of mine who was the same age of mine, and our families decided to set us up on the same class.
She, yup I know, well she’s been a pain in ass ever since the first grade, hell I think she’s …

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5

My story if anyone cares

November 28th, 2017by Max

1

I’m new here.

November 26th, 2017by imlost93

Im so glad I found a place where I could release all of my thoughts , and not be forced to just let keep things inside. I’m 24 years old, I have 1 kid. I lived alone once upon a time, work a ft job while my son attends Daycare. The father isn’t in the picture . Now, my mother has moved in and I also have a boyfriend that lives with me. Before they moved in I felt sad, alone and depressed, which is why I agreed to have them here. Now I feel even more alone, down, lost and depressed. I feel like …

2

Violently Stressed

November 25th, 2017by GerbzBaby

As I’m typing this I feel like having a meltdown at work. Every call, every person that I talk to gets me angry. I feel like taking my fist to a wall. I’ve become very moody and violent as of late because of family and friends. They don’t listen and my friends either replace me with someone else or obsess the fuck over my sister. I feel unwanted and I want to run from it. Hanging out with my shit ass friend didn’t help me becaus he just kept trying to get my sisters attention as I tried to make a conversation with him. …

1

When is this suffering going to end and why doesnt anyone understand

November 17th, 2017by wondrwomn

Nobody wants me to go but nobody is trying to make things better. Since ive been hospitalized ive become single, friendless, and my family moved out of the country. Im so painfully alone i come home from work and drink and go to bed. Im so tired and i wish he would just take me back then maybe I’d have that one spark of light. But he doesn’t want me and that leaves me alone.

3

Why?

November 15th, 2017by Rosaaa

It seems that that’s the number one question on my mind.

Why am I here ? Why do I feel so sad?

Why can’t I succeed?

Why am I treated the way I am?

I feel so alone I have no body to talk to I have no feeling I’ve became so numb.

How much longer?

I sit and write the final suicide note…

7

Its shocking what people post online

November 8th, 2017by lonewolf23

I guess facebook and social media is where all the deep shit is. I just created my first facebook account and i saw all the shit my family members post and some of it surpises me. Its not even just family members but also old friends. I am shocked by their distrust in me. They have all these problems going on and yet they can’t talk to me about it in person. They wanna go tell their “homies” first before i even find out about it. Which naturally begs the question what the hell am i to them? I am their brother, son, friend. So …