Category:

Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

Why?!!!!

by LostSoul 3/1/2016

written by LostSoul

Okay, so i’ve been suicidal for a while now, always trying to overdose and shit like that. but up until now its never been all of me that wants to die, I remember my therapist would ask me how much (out of a percentage) wants me to live and it’d always end up being 50% or lower, as i’d always regret my decisions the next day, but recently i’ve not been regretting and ive come to realise that no part of me wants to live.
I just want to know what happened, what happened to the leftover spark within me which has finally gone out.

3/1/2016 1 comment

Honoring The Fallen. The Ascended. The Free.

by HERE4UOK 2/29/2016

written by HERE4UOK

Hello SP –

Looking for your help with a small project.

I need to know about any confirmed departed fellow members you can share.

I am putting together a tribute video (or trying to at this point) and would greatly appreciate your kind assistance.

Their member name is enough. I’ll search the site for their posts and quote highlights from their words.

Thank You!

HERE4UOK

2/29/2016 31 comments

I’m so tired

by disgusting 2/25/2016

written by disgusting

I hate to feel sick of working already when it’s my first year. But I feel useless and like I can’t ever be up to the level everyone else is on, and I’ll always be such a no good underperformer. I used to think I was smart but it’s not book smarts you need. It’s being normal, knowing how everyone else thinks, and creating systems that follow the normal thinking patterns that I’m clueless on. I’m sick of not having any energy, being so short of breath, coughing & gagging like a smoker when I’ve never smoked, being tired all the time and overall physically […]

2/25/2016 3 comments

Where are we now?

by Knightofdoom 2/23/2016

written by Knightofdoom

How can we all be so sad? Do you guys actually feel connected ? I see some old and some new, do we really help, or prolong doomed options?

I’m a drifter I’m come and go. . .

Cause I one day I find hope and the next dispair…

Which I believe is worse, my duel personalites are tearing me apart…

Where are you? Deep in your hole climbing or looking down?

2/23/2016 11 comments

She lies to herself

by Knightofdoom 2/23/2016

written by Knightofdoom

I wish we could all be the same,

I want you to understand

How I completely reck myself as part of some master plan to deplet whatever good is left

So I know there is absolutely no reason for me to go on, there’s absolutely no reason for me to be depressed

I wish we could all forget,

The names we call ourself

The lies we tell ourself

That makes us who we are not.

I pray there is no hell, I pray that the ultimate

see me for how I see it, and […]

2/23/2016 1 comment

I’m so exhausted….

by disgusting 2/17/2016

written by disgusting

I wish I had more energy, but life beats me down relentlessly. I’ve been unable to breathe for the last few weeks. Cold weather really messes with my lungs and turns them into bags of endless mucus and the slightest move I make causes me to hack up a lung… which is really making it 1000x harder to get around, on top of my normal disabilities.

I had to tell a friend of 8 years to fuck off because she really screwed with my feelings. Or,s he showed she doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings. On a Monday she asks me to ask if I can […]

2/17/2016 0 comment

I Can Pretend

by Luci 2/16/2016

written by Luci

(….all of the words I wish I could say….)

My dearest,

I know you will never see this, however, I have to get this off my chest. I can pretend for a little while, at least for a fleeting moment, that you’ll see this note and your sea blue eyes will look on my words. I can dream, anyway– even if I have not slept for two days, I can day dream that you will read this. I can pretend you’re here, and that this nightmare that has become life never began.

This nightmare used to be a story of friendship and love, but it is now something […]

2/16/2016 1 comment

Question?

by Luci 2/15/2016

written by Luci

I don’t understand how someone with so much love in their heart can kill someone so young. I don’t get it.

But I have a question for all of you:

If you have had a family member or a friend or lover that was a murderer, do you still love them, or hate them for the crime they have committed? Or do you hate the crime they committed and still love them? I would like to know. I know it is personal, but I am at a loss for words at what has happened and need to know I am not […]

2/15/2016 11 comments

Question: Have you ever noticed?

by twix this rainbow 2/14/2016

written by twix this rainbow

Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:

Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.

And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up […]

2/14/2016 5 comments

Masquerade – Butterflybae

by silentwind 2/13/2016

written by silentwind

Because when she died, she grew wings, because when she died she set her soul free.

Because of her death the world will finally know the truth….

Butterflybae’s book is being published, “MASQUERADE” we are helping her to finish what she started. Her blog was a very small portion of what she had written in regards to her book. She kept a video diary as well, that will be put up on Youtube for all to see in the next few days. Also a complete collection of all her songs and poetry will also be published.

2/13/2016 2 comments

Life is not important

by wasd2333 2/13/2016

written by wasd2333

This month, I was a victim of abuse. Twice. No, not “use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse”, it’s “treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly”. I’ve been abused many times now, but I think this month is the worst.

Abuse story 1:

So, one day I was in class, didn’t finish my work, so I was supposed to stay back for recess, but I didn’t want to. The teacher dragged my collar (I was about 3-5 meters away from the class when this happened) all the way to the classroom door, and threw me. I hit something, so I got […]

2/13/2016 3 comments

Tonight there is one less musician in the world.

by Cordless 2/9/2016

written by Cordless

Tonight at symphony rehearsal, the director had a sad announcement to make.

One of our trumpet players was found dead in his car.

He was maybe late 20’s or early 30’s, and I’ve known him for over 10 years. For as long as I’ve known him, he has had a lot of problems with drugs.

I remember sometimes after rehearsal, a small group of us used to go out for dinner, then we would sit around outside and chat for a few hours. I remember he would freely admit that he was willing to try any drug he could afford, legal or not. It helped him mentally escape […]

2/9/2016 24 comments

My Story (mothers suicide, mental disorders & much more)

by Magik 2/8/2016

written by Magik

I’ve lived anything but a normal life & I just turned 20. My parents were both abused. My dad was physically beaten by his father. My mother was raped many times during her childhood by her step dad. My parents hooked up (drunk) at a party & 9 months later I was born. I am a bastard. My parents got married when I was 3. My mom was addicted to crack until I was in kindergarten. My dad physically & emotionally abused her until she left him (moved out) when I was in 7th grade. My mom stayed with him that long because she wanted […]

2/8/2016 6 comments

Soon it will be over penny

by Labrat007 1/30/2016

written by Labrat007

Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.

Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.

I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.

No I […]

1/30/2016 9 comments

I WILL DIE TONIGHT (AVISGONE)

by avisgone 1/28/2016

written by avisgone

Tonight, I am planning to kill myself. I have planned many times to but I have held back because of what seemed like people who cared or the sacredness of what people would think if I failed. Tonight, however, ends all of this. To if you were my friend or you call yourself a friend of mine, I am sorry, but you should have known this was coming. To my family aside from my adoptive mom, I am sorry. To my teachers and other adults, why could not have done something. I know you guys have seen my cuts and scars. Some of you have […]

1/28/2016 16 comments

A Social Anxiety day

by Slipknot83 1/27/2016

written by Slipknot83

I notice I start to get angry toughs whenever I have to go out, maybe it’s a reaction to prepare me to defend myself. Many times I give up leaving home, because I can’t handle people staring at me uncontrolably mad.

I tried to go anyway, everything happened as expected, couldn’t lift up my face to look at people. My eyes stuck the ground, I start sweating, and my face muscles become stiff, and i think, this never changes. Psychologists say you should keep insisting going out and facing your fears. But it never changes to me, it’s like the Murphy law “If something can go wrong […]

1/27/2016 14 comments

Love

by marz 1/25/2016

written by marz

You stopped the pain from carrying on

This is why I’m sitting here writing this song

You lied to me and ended it this way

Didn’t even have the guts to say it to my face

You’re just a coward a twit

All you do is is make my teeth grit

Fuck off back to your own life

I’ll just go back to my one true love the knife

1/25/2016 1 comment

It’s kind of funny :-)

by Still wandering 1/25/2016

written by Still wandering

So, I found out that my family find out about me. They find out how vulnerable I am. They found that I’m not mentally healthy.
And I find out that they find out quite a time ago.

I should be something ; angery, nervous, anxious. I can also cry, i can be relived I can be worried but I have no feelings. Neither this thing hurt me nor it gave comfort to me. I’m exactly like I was a minute before. Caught in an argument, they confronted, I refused and went to my room. No talk.
It’s kinda funny situation. 😀 Her child is in pain, […]

1/25/2016 6 comments

Protected: The little thing that I’m sad for.

by mranony 1/23/2016

written by mranony

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/23/2016 0 comment

Three suicides in my memory

by Cordless 1/23/2016

written by Cordless

A long time ago, when I was still in high school, the English teacher’s son killed himself.

He hung himself from a tree in the back yard, using a dog leash.

There are two things that still stick in my memory all these years.

One, the teacher had trouble acknowledging the truth of what happened. For a long time, she stayed in denial. She insisted it must have been an “accident”, because she couldn’t accept the fact that he had been suffering enough to make this kind of choice.

Everyone else in the community knew the truth of it, and they were sad and shocked and confused (and whatever […]

1/23/2016 4 comments

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