I’m really tired.
It’s been a while since I have come on here. And yes, I’m looking for advice.
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow for medication, although I’m wondering, will everything go back to square one, or will the truth come out? According to my psychologist, I have been doing fine for the past year, although did she really ever know me? I never told her how I really felt; I’m a coward, I already know, but what can one do when everyone around them is untrustworthy? Should I have told her how I felt? Should I have told her my plans for July? Should I have told […]
I’m not sure what to do, but I’m trying at least. I genuinely am. I know in the end I’m an ungrateful asshole because of how I feel and how I am, despite what I have. I heard my mom and stepdad talking about how good of kids we all are, and I felt shitty because I’m not as good as they believe me to be, I’m not even sure how they came to that really. I do try to be as good as I can… I don’t always do very good, but sometimes I do. I’m trying to improve and stop being this stupid […]
I tried to get the damn SN ITS NOT MY F*CKING FAULT!!!!! I know I’m going to have to off myself in a painful and excruciatingly painful way I just want to go dammit why do they have to heap guilt on people sometimes going above and beyond is just too much and we just need to bloody well die!!
Hey there….
I planned to kms tonight…
i already planned everything ….
goodbye
It seems I might just accidentally my way into grad school. Didn’t know that was how it worked, but the school is putting in most of the effort. If I don’t get it, I’m supremely okay with that, or at least so I tell myself. I’ll probably feel devalued and betrayed, that’s the usual thing when I tell myself I don’t care.
I’m trying not to care.
Then I had a promising interview with a job….. and my knee jerk reaction is to think about how great things would be if I got it….. Yet again, caring hurts. I’m trying to insulate myself out; organizing my closet, […]
Acouple of hours ago I had a crazy idea. I took a penknife and tried cutting myself but the pain woke me up and I stopped. Why is it painful to cut myself up. Maybe I didn’t have the courage to end myself. Again, cowardice got the best of me.
Looks like my second attempt ended in failure. Sure enough I am still searching for a painless death. For I am such a coward to even die.
Life is meaningless yet I’m scared of pain.
Maybe it’s not death that I wanted, maybe I’m just seeking for attention or maybe validation.
I’ve been thinking of death all night. But painful ones are scary and painless ones are so hard to find. When I think of suicide by hanging, choking or jumping off, I’ll pee in my pants.
I’m a coward who wants to die.
I know I’m not depressed, I just feel like there is no longer a meaning in life.
When I think of death, I’ll think of my son. Will he be okay if I die? But he is 17 and staying with my mom. So what is there to think of?
Is me wanting death, is just me seeking for attention? […]
I wish I was a good as she thinks I am. I worried about them and stressed out about everything. I’m hungry but I can’t let myself eat. I’d probably just puke it back up anyway. Shes the only reason I’m alive rn. Theres stuff going on in their life that makes me worry about them in turn. They’re already asleep, and I’m not gonna bother them. I’m overwhelmed with a lot right now. It’d be so much easier to just sink into this bed never to come out again, but it isnt like that. Life isnt fair, but it’s something I gotta get over […]
I’m tired and it’ll only get worse from here. I need a few days off, to myself. A few days of sobriety, and of not having to say a word to anyone else.
Hi guys,
I want to kms as quickly as possible. I know the lean hanging method is painless but it takes way too long. It gives me long enough time to abort the mission(lol).
Fyi I don’t have a gun.
If you’re not allowed to answer here then could you share a forum which allows such things?
Have a nice life.
I’m terrified that all I truly do is ruin peoples lives. Like their mood, outlook, future, whatever. Just anything. I’m really worried about her too (she uses any pronouns now) and I’m scared that I’ve been in too shitty of a mood and even if I try to keep it light she gets worried and I’m scared that I make them sad… I guess that I could be overthinking it, but it’s not like I could ask because 1. they would deny it and 2. it could possibly make them feel worse by making her feel like the scum of the earth. Nope- that’s just […]
I was thinking about this topic, as a person with borderline personality disorder I’ve heard lots of relationships advice, and about self improvement and getting better before dating, and loving myself etc.
And honestly part of me sometimes still feels like I’m scamming people into getting attatched to me so they can suffer like it has happened and like how bpd stigma says it does.
And it makes sense in a way for a healthy dating environment that it’s in the best interest of everyone to date mentally healthy people, but there was this person I dated many years ago that I still think is the […]
It’s so hard to find the motivation to do anything. Realistically, even if I work my ass off and do everything right in pursuing a goal, I know it’s never going to be what I want it to be. There might still be things that are worth doing in life, that are meaningful. But it’s never going to be satisfying. There are always going to be fundamental parts of me that go unfulfilled. And I don’t know how to stop fixating on them. Whenever something reminds me of them it triggers my mind into this loop of longing, regret, and despair. And then nothing that […]
I hate the quiet. When the whole house is asleep and I’m left awake with only my thoughts. I hate my thoughts the most. During the day I can ignore them and keep the flashbacks and memories at bay. At night there’s no escaping it.
The doctors have been giving me meds for almost two decades. Eventually they wear off and loose effectiveness. I end up feeling like I’m spinning again. Out of control. I’m tired of it. I just want to turn it off. I can’t live like this forever. I can’t live like this much longer. I want to cancel my subscription to life.
I’m going to a doctor for my concentration issues, and I have been thinking about if I should tell them about everything else like me being depressed and shit and I am still thinking about it, or should I just tell them about my concentration problems and stuff but that’s all for today and I’m feeling a bit more shitty because my girlfriend thinks I am losing feelings/am embarrassed of her which I am not and I have told her many times and idk what to do about that but that is all for today.
I worry about a lot of things. Too many things. Since I’ve taken this leave of absence, I’ve done absolutely nothing. No job, no school work, no nothing. So I essentially lay about being useless. I’ve been going to therapy weekly, but that’s about it. I’m basically a bum living in my parent’s house. I could be volunteering or something, but I just don’t want to. Instead I want to lay around worrying about getting back to school. About being any good at school. At being any good at being a lab assistant. I’m […]
I feel bad. But I have a mental list of problems now. The first is not wanting anything. The second is difficulty with sleep. The third is difficulty socializing. The fourth is substance abuse. The last is relationship troubles. I’m suffering today. I don’t know why. I don’t know when I’ll feel truly okay. I haven’t for a while. I live like a child. I accept everything that happens to me. I don’t know, I wish I could be better. I wish things could really always be easy. They usually are for me, because I take them in my stride. There’s pain too, though. I’m […]
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