I cant keep doing this every day. Every day without fail. I’m very on edge today and I dont know if I can trust myself or not.

I’m bitter and feeling so horrible inside and yet nothing comes out. I like to imagine my head exploding. Like theres this huge fuse or something inside.

I cant deal with the constant anxiety/depression/hating myself to no end even if it is deserved. People piss me off so much, nobody can just shut up.

How long do I have to wait for it to “get better”? How much more do I have to do? It shouldn’t be that fucking hard.

Whatever. I’m […]

Okay so I’m very sure I have add or adhd and either depression and/or anxiety but I can’t talk to anyone about it my friends and brother tell me to stop looking for attention and they just don’t know I’m trying to get help and I just wish that I could talk to someone, and I can’t talk to a therapist for some fucking stupid reason, and I feel like I would be better off killing myself because I am failing or getting shit grades in all of my classes. I live in Canada, and I have to take French immersion because my parent won’t […]

Why should I live if everything I ever do will be forgotten and all life is, is essentially well… Pain, nothing is worth living for if everyone will die including you and me and break-ups are the worst thing ever and you have to go through that pain for so long and so many times or you could just end it all because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in school and then working until I die, I can just kill myself and get rid of all of the pain weather it is emotional or physical I will be writing more […]

Self is a mad dog. A thousand-faced horse. A prisoner of evolutionary instincts. A blind follower of cause and effect. It seeks results and finds none. It cannot escape effect of causes/forces applied on it. It must create their effects and suffer. Get out of it. There is nothing there. Burning suffering and nothing else.

Know there is something else. You currently identify with self but you are not self. Recognize that, realize that. If you ever manage to distinguish it, hold fast to it. There is nothing from self that’s more valuable than this. You know pleasure from life is no match to pain from […]

i feel like i’ve been pretending all my life to be the person everyone wants me to be. i don’t know who i really am. i don’t know how to exist without thinking of how other people think of me. it’s pathetic, i know.

I’ve always felt like coping mechanisms and stress are at a perpetual arms race. One side figures out something big, then the other.

Did you ever read the Butter Battle Book by Dr. Seuss? It’s about two groups who decide they are much too different to cohabitate because one prefers to eat bread with the butter on top, and the other prefers it on bottom… and they get into this Soviet – American 50s-60s style competition. It starts with throwing a rock, then the other side takes sticks to knock the rocks back, and so on in increasing complexity until each side simultaneously discover a substance […]

So, basically what most people think life is, is you live to go and finish school get good grades make friends go to university or collage graduate get a good job get a wife and kids then you work maybe do a couple of fun things like umm go on some trips somewhere with your family but for the most part you work your whole life away until you inevitably die, and you will be forgotten.

Or you drop out of school you don’t go to university you live with your parents until they die. You get their assets, and you have to sell everything to […]

I’m a worn out friend. Old and worn out. Like my old shirt I’m not using anymore, just laying in my wardrobe. This is like clothes. You’re maybe tired of your old shirt you have been wearing for years so you decide to look for a new one, a better one. Maybe you’re throwing your old shirt away, or you feel like it may get useful someday so you just throw it in your wardrobe. It just ends up laying there forever until you one day decide to clean up and throw away old clothes you’re not using anymore. But when you finally find the […]

I used to want to be 16 so bad I had it all planned out I would get emancipated get a job have my own apartment drop out of school and get my ged and I thought then it would be better then maybe I won’t want to kill myself anymore.but the thing about my plans is that they never work. I thought that way since I was 10 and now I’m 16 only working on weekends with not enough time to get anywhere close to the kind of money I would need to move out but I also can’t stay with my mom or […]