It’s killing me. Literally. I have chronic insomnia and I can’t f*ing function. I don’t just mean I don’t sleep well. I mean I literally only get 3-5 hours a sleep a night EVERY NIGHT. For over 13 years. And I NEVER make it up.

I am SO TIRED.

It’s like that Shining thing type over and over: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Except it’s: All insomnia and no sleep make me crazy crazy CRAZY!

Anyone else on here who is also chronically sleep deprived? I mean almost every night lack sleep.

i’ve spent years building up walls so i wouldn’t be so fucking weak as i used to be. years convincing myself i don’t care about anything. and i really fucking didn’t. anyone could say anything to me and i wouldn’t bat an eyelash. until today. today my ex-bestfriend put me on the verge of a breakdown in front of loads of people. i’ve dealt with so much worse but idk why this time it make my walls come crashing down.  fuck you. fuck you for making me realise just how weak i am. fuck you fuck you fuck you. now i remember exactly why i […]

Not suicide related

Well I consider my mum a friend as well, although that’s family (is it weird to see a family member as a friend???)

Sitting here next to 2 of my soft toys (fantasy creatures)…
I have more soft toys than this, though.
I guess they’ll be my only friends…
They don’t annoy me, they don’t judge, they don’t bully…
They’re just there for me, just because.

(Now I’m not saying that humans should be there for me, just because. No. Realistically, why would anyone do that?)

*Sighs

(Also if I can’t be bothered to talk, the soft toys will understand that as well) 😛

If it ever came to it and you decided that for yourself youre better off without me, id completely understand. Id endorse it. Do whats right for you.

But internally id die and externally i wouldnt make it. I need you in my life. I cant live without you. But id die for you. In this case, literally.

So I dont know where to start

im writing this late at night,long story short everyone is  believing that im the bad guy in their lives and everyone including my family is starting to believe that im a bad persone just becoouse i have  a bad temper, but that doesnt matter that much…only thing that matters is ….I lost everything in one night and… im alone and …I dont have no one and im all alone in this world and I dont see a way out of this even tho people are so blind and I wish I never even existed in the first place….If there […]

i’m just so unbelievably tired in every sense of the word and i stupidly took a psychology course in college, last year it wasn’t so bad but this year i have to sit in a room with other people learning about issues in mental health. i had my first lesson today and oh my fucking god i felt like i couldn’t breathe the whole time i was on the verge of a break down, i can already tell this is going to be the most triggering year of my life. they all think i’m fucked in the head anyway, i mean you could take one […]

Cracked: If Anti-Depressant Ads Were Honest:

This isn’t a debate on anti-depressants. If pills work for you, great.
If it doesn’t, you might find this little clip funny/interesting.

Why aren’t I doing it? It’s what I ask myself every morning, and whenever my mood dips during the day. If I feel this hopeless and sad, then why aren’t I killing myself? Not only am I not killing myself, I’m not even making the effort to research and obtain my methods. It probably wouldn’t be that hard. I still have enough money (I think). A few risks here and there, but then I would be out of it.

Instead of feeling like this, or worrying about getting more work, or the seemingly pointless chore of self-improvement, I could be done. Over with. If it feels […]

I had this awful nightmare last night. It should be noted that I have scary/unpleasant dreams all the time, my primary consumption is horror and engineering simulations/texts, so that tends to reflect in my dreams.

After last week’s crash and burn, finally my former therapist reached back out. She featured in the nightmare, criticizing me for not adapting better, and when I woke I realized that if it was up to me I’d never talk to her again. I told my wife, got some pushback there, but what can you do?

There’s something I thought I would get, maybe that I used to get from therapy and […]

I always seem to find my way back here. It’s been almost a year. These days, the bad days have slowly become more frequent, the notion of just not being here has slowly become more appealing to me. So I’m back to share my thoughts, and seek comfort from those who understand the pain that no one else seems to be able to comprehend. I know I can make it through the small blips, I’ve done it multiple times before. It’s the storm that I’m afraid of. When the bad days outnumber the good, and getting out of bed becomes something I have to do, […]

I think this is interesting even for an atheist or non-believer in an afterlife state. There is also an ex-atheist in the documentary. The best thing I learned after watching it is the gift to be able to love other people and doing something meaningful and good. Perhaps another thing I’ve learned is that no matter how much misery we experience, the goodness of the universe will always prevail and the happiness we will experience will be much, much greater and we will see one day, Life as the greatest gift.

I know, weird title. The reason is that I am sad, lonely and suicidal myself and I have found out over the years that the only people who will understand my pain are those who are in a similar situation like mine. I know this isn’t a dating site but for someone like me, this is one of the only platforms for this kind of post.

I am male, 25 and asian. I am very depressed and I never have been able to get a real life romantic relationship with a woman due to my lack of social skills. I know I can’t offer anything, […]

i just want to die rn

i want to bash my head off something until it bleeds

i want to cut as the blood drains from me

if i had the diy med from MAID i would be taking it rn. my husband would wake up and find me dead on the floor. my friends would message looking for me, but i wont respond. my bff will get home from work, but my messages wont be there to greet him. nothing more than a “goodbye im sorry i had to”

JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY!!!!!

love means nothing when you cant feel it and the pain is too great…….

i think sadness is so complex.

when i say i’m sad, what i really mean is

black abyss inside me filled with cigarette ashes, smashed bottles, bloody skin, empty screams and words i can’t say.

I don’t want to keep doing it. Please let me stop…..
(the mountain – 3DG)

So, I don’t know if it’s because of my size, or the stuff I used, but unfortunately I’m still here. I took the stuff at 11;30, and it’s now 9:15. Hopefully I die in my sleep tonight. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, it means it worked.

my life is been a loop. For years I’ve been suicidal but as time goes on I forgot why. So I kept living for 6 more years still with suicidal tendencies. Some days I forget about my depression but it always come back. But looking into the past revealed the truth. I’m not supposed to be alive right now. I’ve been talking to a ghost the whole time. I just wanted be with her, be loved by her but she’s been gone for a long time. I don’t want to live without her. I can’t. I won’t survive because there’s nothing left for me. No […]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.